Jujumama's Love Academy

So this is me in 1999 totally happy on a beach with my son who was unaware that his mommy’s hair had all fallen out…after the medicine. He did not know because it was the luck of the pain. The pain of illness had come to teach and his mommy was truly learning a great thing. I learned that I am the Master and Creator of my life. I learned this by discovering trance. Since 1995 I had been studying meditation, yoga, feng shui, nutrition, herbs, and ceremonial skills from a group of amazing people in Washington DC. This group is a sacred group, a modern day community, existing in harmony and functioning to serve families like mine. They call themselves the Ausar Auset Society and they are a rare group of people completely dedicated to aspiring to God Status!

When I was ill, members of the Ausar Auset Society would come to my home to cook, clean and bathe me and my son who was mostly in the care of community members as I had fallen ill soon after his birth. In order to help keep my body strong they would juice parsley, carrots, kale and apples each day throughout the poisonous “treatments”.

Through this experience I realized that life is Sheer Essential Force summoned by me. I had summoned the support of an entire community because I needed it. Because I trusted this group of people as family who would take care of me I accepted this divine assistance and allowed intervention and learned the real meaning of “Creating” family and of love.

Through the use of trance I found the root to the illness and as I meditate I saw many things. I saw the many lives I had lived previously and certain happenings from my childhood. As I practiced trance and meditation I began to realize that I was pretending to be who I was not. In other words I was far more comfortable exhibiting male energy such as aggression, competition and coolness than I was female energy. What was wrong with this? Nothing if I were meant to function that way. It became clear that I was in rejection of my feminine core, the essence of Woman was not showing up in my life and thus I was in process of destroying it through illness.

I learned that if I were to continue to deny my feminine core by rejecting her and boldly asserting my right to do whatever the hell I wanted to do in the world without using balance or reason that I would indeed end my own life and call the whole thing…cancer.

Cancer was the physical manifestation of my resistance towards showing up as who I was born to be. I saw in trance an image of myself as a coward, unwilling to live the life I came to live, protecting myself with a hard outer shell that pushed others away and lied to the world.

I believe that we all choose to come to earth and we know what our talents and skills will as we descend and we all know what we need to do to unfold into our truest Divine Selves. I had been bold enough to push that Self far away to the point of creating illness.

So I took responsibility for the denial of my true Self and I stood strong as the Creator of even this illness.

Once I took ownership of this quandary of ill health that I’d created I could then turn the ship around. I started to allow myself to receive from others the love that I knew was mine and I began to relax the fire showing myself that I loved me by doing what was natural and ‘dissin’ status quo behaviors.

I lost my desire to compete and break into the world by force as a rebel against everything that bothered me. I was learning to grasp hold to only what I wanted more of, rather than fight against what I did not want. I was learning to show up soft and sweet – receptive and warm.

My transformation and took place gradually after many moons of reflection and sweet turmoil. It continued long after the miracle of the doctor determining that I was well although the first round of Chemo had failed. It continued to take place slowly even after my next baby was born, a girl, in 2000. I saw the gradual shit in my life as I lived communally and gave birth to yet another God child in 2003.

And I am tediously still unfolding. It is a path that I began to walk as I realized that the way I was headed lead only to death. It was not a sudden and momentous turning of the corner.

I am on a path toward a life which is Joy and Discovery and Attraction of Experience…

Passion is why I choose life. I have a passion for life! And it was a choice.

So help me Goddess!!!