Jujumama's Love Academy

I had in mind a gift for my husband – I wanted to buy him a massage at the Nail Place down the street. Oh – don’t cringe – it’s a really high scale nail salon, not a sweat shack. The atmosphere is so warm and inviting, no TVs, just soft music and nice decorations! The women are sweet and feminine. I love that! So would he…

I guess that I haven’t put on my clothing and gone to the corner to buy the gift certificate because he hasn’t called me back. He’s been in Virginia all week and is simply busy with work. However, this work involves a young lady who he is quite fond of. How nice…

So when I call they are on the way to dinner, or in a meeting, or going back to the hotel. All types of cool little snipits of my own creation to get me to focus on what I truly desire!!

So last night when I called him at 8:00 PM he didn’t answer – hmmm – Friday night – work should be over. No answer at 9:00 or 10:00 or 11:00 – and so I went to bed.

4:45 AM Saturday morning – I wake with three naked children in my bed – one holding fast to a “Ninny” that he’s been weined from for a year, the second two tangled in a ball with feet poking into my back. I grab the phone and check to see if he called late. No messages or calls.

I slide out of bed and get to work on my JujuMama projects – early AM is when I have the time and silence to work on the tech part of what I do – trying to get the situation out of my mind I focus on work.

7:45 AM – Back to bed to get some sleep.

9:00 AM – No call yet, but plenty noise from children begging for food, drink, hugs, and more space for naked bottoms in the bed…I HAD to get up because sending them downstaris alone for food is like sending ants into a candy shop. They’d slurp up the sugar treats and call it breakfast.

9:30 AM – In the kitchen, half sleep, serving healthy oats and granola with raw pumpkin seeds and cranberries. None for me – no thanks -just worry, pessimism and a feeling of anxiety to wet my palate.

10:00 AM – Back to worry – I mean – work on my computer but I just can’t drown out the thoughts about the fact – yes, fact now – that he is not calling me. Is he online? Nope – offline, can’t ping him. I could call – but why? He hasn’t called me…I’d lose the game I’m creating…

I decided to make some soup – French Lentil Soup from scratch – I know he’s been eating out all week and would enjoy a home cooked and hearty soup.

I feel silly. I’ve been dreaming of Saturday all week, a time for the two of us to take the children out – maybe to Lake Lanier to ride water boats or swim the beach. Have we ever done this before? No. But I can dream can’t I. I’ve been wondering about the 4th of July and whether or not he’ll be in town. I have two sets of plans – B-B-Q Tofu with my Jewish friends Erika and Ed in the subdivision if he’s not here or Lake Lanier if he comes home from work AND has the day off.

I am looking out the window as the Lentils boil thinking maybe he’s going to surprise me and come early – but then I recall all of the days of travel he’s taken and never has he surprised me by coming early. He takes an afternoon flight because he enjoys sleeping in. Never mind that I have been home all week alone – no affection except from people under 9. Never mind that.

Men are so great – they take care of themselves so well. They eat breakfast and sleep in and drink a beer on a Friday Night. A few calls come in, bill collectors. That’s his job! I am not going to answer. A call from Unknown Caller – could it be him? I answer – bill lady. She was quite nice…a pleasant break from my creating more worry. I pay the bill from his bank account…I recall the reason for his absence – money – OK – Good.

What I need to do is EFT. I sit at my computer and start to pat. My friend LynnD taught me this EFT pat thing. I do it and I tell myself “Even though I feel like my husband doesn’t love me because he hasn’t called and is being mysterious – I still love myself and intend to have a happy and peaceful day”.

I repeat this several times. It comes to me to blog about this. And here I sit. This is real life.

I love it!! Even this part…let me show you how I survive this…

I intend to feel great. I intend to kiss him and smile when he gets home. I intend to express at an appropriate time my expectation to create more loving communication when he is away. As well, my intention to do all that I can on my side to trust him and expect the best of him. I intend to tell him what a great person he is and how I miss him when he is gone. I intend to ask him for what I need – reassurance that when he is gone he still thinks of me and the children. I know that men enjoy freedom and space – I respect that. I will tell him that I respect that. None of this will sound accusitory or whiney. It will all sound like Tupilo Honey on butter toast. And he will bite eagerly – enjoying my sweetness…

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yeeeeesssss!

Gotta go – I’m going to shower, get cute, burn some aromatherapy and THRIVE!!