Jujumama's Love Academy

Oh my goodness – February – the month of love. I want a second wedding in the Islands complete with good friends, good food and plenty of sun! I want a shiny new 2 carat “rock” on my left ring finger to symbolize our decade of bliss. I have been married to my handsome hunk of a man for 11 strong years. And today I am wanting to talk about it!

Let me just start by saying that getting married at age 21 is not a simple feat. I had been, since age 16, planning to meet my husband at age 21. Dreaming about marriage was my favorite pass time as a girl. So when college hit, the search was on!! What fun – at first – but over the years, the search became slow and painful. As I approached 20 – I felt a little hopeless as all 61 of my prior boyfriends had been flops.

It seemed that I was just in love with love – seeking a real union with men who were not worth my time. I would go into relationships thinking and exuding “marry me” and he’d be thinking “pass the blunt”. I dreaded finding out that my boyfriends were all marijuana heads, or video game freaks, or just seeing so many other women that polygamy was the only serious marital arrangement I could expect.

Why was it that so many of my boyfriends were such misfits? Were all brothers at Howard University (my Alma Mater) and at Eastern Michigan University (where my college years began) just caught up in the haze of drugs and video games and one night stands? Or was it me.

Now if you know anything about me, my website, my company and my JujuMama attitude, you know the answer to that question…

Of course it was me!!!!  I am not a victim in my life…

I was creating these relationship disasters. Oh don’t look so sad. You are creating your life too, the good the bad and the ugly.

I realized, after much emotional drama, pain and hurt that I had not actually pinpointed what I wanted. I had not detailed what the Universe was to deliver. I declared I want to get married. That I wanted to get married was my only qualification!?  My request to the Universe was too broad and what’s worse, it was baseless…I needed a stronger voice.  I was in a panic mode rather than receiving mode.

I had never done an inventory of what I actually wanted in a man. And what about the Big Why??? Why I wanted to get married was another point that needed to be clarified.

I was tearing through guy after guy, fearful I would not find THE ONE – probably due to the fact that the ONE was not a clear, mental reality with well-defined attributes. I was fearful that I would not be able to marry at 21 as I’d dreamed. And, most importantly, with each passing guy that I went with, I became more and MORE fearful that Mr. Right just did not exist.  So instead of moving toward my objective, my attitude and fear took me far away from it…

So what emotion was doing the creating? The Fear…of course.

Fear caused me to create more and more of the same type of man. It’s like this fear put a scent on me that just kicked “come here loser, I am a scared little woman, desperate for a husband, abuse me!!” It’s as though I would seek out and hone in on these poor excuses for men, rather than allow the universe to open up and send me an intelligent, spiritual and compatible mate.  It took me a long time to understand how I was holding myself back…

Once I realized what I was creating, I just went into a depression that was deep – deep – deep. I went down further than I had ever gone and I dug into the Earth that bottoms me out. I found my spiritual voice and I found that I still, even in my darkest hour, could create anew if I put forth effort and gave myself time.

I had to stop the rush. I had to listen within. I had to heal the fear and comfort myself with the truth – Universe has already sent my husband !! All I had to do was wield my energy joyfully and lived casually in knowing that it is mine already. Even if I do not see him or know him, he is there for me.  He is there right now – I can even enjoy him now…what’s the wait?

I started to paint pictures in my empty apartment and spend time with myself on the weekends rather than frantically dating. I started to read, listen to music, dance and meditate. I was told in a meditation that I should go to the river and talk to Oshun which is Venus, Venus which is Ezruli, Ezruli which is Aphrodite, Aphrodite with is Het-Heru – all of which is ME – ME – ME!! I went to the river to speak to the aspect of me that has the power to attract. I wore yellow and white and gold and green and pink. I wrote specifics about what I wanted. I gave the river jars of honey; I poured it as I stated what I expected that the universe already has for me. I told the river all the WHYS. Why did I deserve this, why did I want this….so on.

“I know he is alive – Universe – he walks right now closer and closer to me”.

I went to the river every Friday that summer of 1995. I was so happy to be dating the Goddess and the Gods. I was blissful as I gave oranges, pineapple and pumpkin to the river. People in Georgetown looked at me as though I was a well dressed, and quite beautiful, lunatic! I did not care about the on lookers, damn!! They’ve never heard a Black woman singing songs of joy to the flowing river or tossing oranges into the polluted Potomac? Wake Up!! It’s a new Day!!

One of the Fridays I was on my way home, smoking a cigarette ( a habit I dropped in 1995 and then picked up again in 2008!  LOL!) and opening my apartment door when down the hall came a handsome man that I had seen many times with an equally gorgeous woman. His name is Keith. He asked me my name and I stated flatly – “I know you have a woman already, so why do you ask MY name?” (I was sooooooo aggressive and “yang” at that time…just hurt). And so he stated that he had a friend he’d like for me to meet — Carl.

Friend indeed, he introduced me to my husband that very next Friday!!

I was at the river when this handsome friend first arrived at my home – I’d missed my date with my husband due to spending time at the water with my oranges. But once we hooked up later that evening, I had the best, most relaxed and most outrageously fun date I’d had in years. We went to the movies and out to dinner. We went out again the next night. And we haven’t spent a day without talking to one another since then.

His name is Carl or Rakhem Seku (Kemetic), and we married the very next summer 30 days after I turned 22. Our relationship at that time was and is still bliss. I am more in love now, I believe, than I was when we met and married. It is an orgasmic unfolding that follows the path of the sacred spiral. I love our creation!

And just in case some of you are just sickened to hear me speak this way about marraige, I warn you that the very sickness you feel is creating your present circumstances, so be mindful — ever so mindful.

And – just to make you feel sane – every day of our marriage is not perfect. I will blog about the many issues we have had and are currently having so stay tuned! I will tell you the many stories of my life as a the first lady and wife of the fabulous Rakhem Seku. It ain’t all pretty, but it IS all putty, so pliable, I’ve become flexible and limber because of him. Strange…marriage makes you pliable and you start to question your sanity when you realize that you are simply being exposed to the parts of yourself you may never have discovered without each other.

I love it and so will you, if that is what you want and so choose…what do YOU want???

So!  Choose!