Comments on: I Want To Own Him – How About You?

By: William

William — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 06:02:44 +0000

I agree sister totally!!! What kind of boundaries would you have if you gotten pregnant by another guy or vice versa? How would that work in an open relationship. Who is responsible for that child?

By: Tokushuwan

Tokushuwan — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 21:55:42 +0000

They are not saying to go outside your relationship as an answer to the problem.. They are saying get rid of the notion that you have to own a person or person owns you and to work on your insecurities. Regardless of the relationship you each come to together as individuals first. Your desires or attraction to other people do not fade simply because you are in a relationship with someone; they are masked by lies and deceit. It's not personal, it is what it is and because of belief systems sometimes we take it personal. If "open relationships" is not your reality then thats good too and you have to be secure in your monogamous relationship before you open it up.

By: mmmm

mmmm — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 21:53:23 +0000

wow. this site just gives me so much to think about. I am reminded of my previous relationships and where they went wrong. Thanks for posting, keep doing what you do. To share so much is very brave!

By: Bleh

Bleh — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 10:57:35 +0000

So the answer to all of our relationship woes is to find another person to have sex with? Polygamy is 'progressive' and people who desire monogamy aren't mature enough. Gotta love that logic.

By: nosugarcoatn

nosugarcoatn — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 06:25:48 +0000

This whole thing about ownership truly is a problem. One should SHARE not OWN. If we looked at our mates and marriage as an unique expression of Sacred Sharing, maybe things would be different.

By: nosugarcoatn

nosugarcoatn — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 06:22:13 +0000

Every man I have every talked with have told me that they cheated because of Emotional Issues. That was further backed up when that Therapist was on Oprah saying men cheat because of emotional issues. It had nothing to do with them “wanting” another women. Same thing for many of the women I have spoken to who have cheated.

Open relationships will not stop divorce. Money is the main reason for divorce, not even cheatint. Infidenlity is deeper than just sex with someone else. My parents were are married over 35 years will both tell you that going “out” the marriage is not the answer. Communication is. Oh well, to each its own..

By: rakhemseku

rakhemseku — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 22:19:49 +0000

Hi Hakashamut. Great content and sharing here. As your husband, I am up close and personal with everything we are experiencing around relationships, ownership, and stepping into a new paradigm that will better honor ourselves and our commitments to the ones we love. I believe the challenge is ownership, but also an issue of where we derive our fulfillment and value as human beings. Where and how do we derive our happiness? Is it in the knowing that we are a gift to the planet just the way we are or is it through the construction and maintenance of commonly accepted social symbols and institutions that we have grown accustomed (i.e. marriage and materialism). So much so that when the integrity of these symbols is violated we begin to doubt ourselves and even go into deppression rather than look for realistic solutions to make them more sound.

To answer Surama’s question – we have to clear the ideas, beliefs, emotions, and fears from the ownership paradigm. These things are in many cases much deeper than we think. When I was first presented with my wife having relationships and strong attraction toward other men, it was an eye opening experience. I didn’t realize how insecure I was in my manhood and sexuality and that I identified my value as a man with my wife’s pleasure and sexual fulfillment. I really went through it. At the same time, I learned a great deal about myself in the process and the true meaning of relationships. I would say the only way to truly grow into a new paradigm and possibly save our relationships is to make the seemingly difficult choices to honor ourselves and our mates – to identify with our true purpose and follow our own innate wisdom and intuition and begin to live life. It will help to have folks around you for support as this will be one of the most intense clearings you may face this lifetime as it touches the core of who we are as conscious beings.

Best Regards,

Rakhem Seku
http://www.sunrazellc.com

By: Surama

Surama — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 21:10:03 +0000

Hey sugar! How about that! That is one big chunk you just dropped. I can certainly see that all humans could benefit from love and affection in what ever form it comes in and the agrandizement (spelling????) of sex as the identifier of marriage is unfortunate. Since many people can say they only have sex with one person but feel no connection as friends or comrades. I have had friends that I was very affectionate with that included no sex and have had sex that included no affection. Where does that leave me and the countless other women who have this experience. Do we love the ones we’ve f@#*ed or only %u*&ed the ones we love? Either way it hasn’t been working. The only question I have is how to insure that all parties involved are mature enough to handle the responsibility (primarily responsibility to self) that makes this freedom available? And there in lays the rub????…. let me know when you crack the code, I’ve got $5 on it!

By: hakashamut

hakashamut — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 19:02:59 +0000

Wow – I just read my own damned post! I really am stunned. LOL. I believe in marriage – it’s the format that needs a fixin’. I love marriage and I will always be married, blissfully so. But I will crack the code and I will resolve the confusion. We are all responsible for making a brand new day.