I LOVE Facebook! Yesterday I posted “I Want TO Own Him” on my Facebook page. I received a massive response to my writing. Four rather stimulating comments jumped out at me. Here are my thoughts on each boldly eloquent comment! I am in love with the young man who posted these! Amazing!
Read the post “I Want To Own Him” first to make sense of this post…These comments are in response to the idea that maybe human beings are not monogamous, but have been poured into an unnatural relationship mold which causes illness and stagnation. If you enjoyed the article about my wanting to Own my husband, you’ll love the comments below.
Facebook Comment #1
It has been said that the sphinx is a representation or symbol of human nature conquering animal desires, hence a man’s head is placed upon the prone body of an animal. Thus the sphinx is a symbol of perseverance, fasting, and sexual and emotional restraint. All decisions and actions require a thought, and thus any man/woman in control of her thoughts has complete control over their decisions and actions. Thus I see infidelity as an inability to control animal nature.
-anonymous
JujuMama Reply:
Agreed. Infidelity, or having secret, guilty, sex outside marriage; sacrificing one’s integrity in this way would seem to be an inability to control the animal nature. The question is why is the animal running rampant? How have we come to live in a culture where 60% of individuals or more have had no specific training around taming/training the animal within to emulate the harmonious higher emotions? This is the entire point of my post from yesterday. We have been so conditioned to follow, blindly and then ridicule, harshly the vanity of our animal nature, that to actually envision using the animal for something more productive seems crass. Its almost to say that the Biblical concept of sin should be harnessed to create Biblical miracles…
But Indeed it can! Just as water can be harnessed, air, and wind. All base or natural, raw forces can be harnessed to create or power something much more complex…Sin or animal lust is simply energy.
Let me say what I mean. Sex is a basic, base, animal need of the flesh. Not a problem, right. Well, there is nothing wrong with base, animal impulses except that they can be abused and misused or harmful when not harnessed to create, uphold or emulate a higher principle. So sex abscent a focus on spiritual transcendence, or proper breathing, respectful practices, focused energy, authentic Love and so forth, the act is a simple animal fight. Which ain’t all bad except the energy is wasted and flows into the world unharnessed.
What we have to begin to understand is that, unlike the concept of Biblical sin, there is nothing wrong with the animated or animal body – base needs, such as water or food, sex or sleep. When we learn to harness the beauty of these animal tendencies and use basic drive to bring us even closer to our higher or authentic selves?  It’s all good – The animal body is beyond good, it’s great – especially when used to uplift, serve and protect the highest energy of whom and what we are which is, of course, peace itself. Without it we’d be doomed to a life of pure thought and contemplation alone – no movement o f any physical sort.
Facebook Comment #2
I must assume that there is are certain consistent characteristics that each individual finds attractive. [Ask my friends about the chin and the ear test. Ear test is easy. I like attached ear lobes. Chin test takes explaining.] Anyway, there seems to be general similarities I see between attractive women. It could be further reckoned that the most attractive women would possess most or all of the attractive traits. Hence, if you date or marry a woman from the most attractive class then it should be easy to recognize the beauty of any woman in the face of my lover, and consequently reinforce my love because I already see the other womans beauty in my other. [though it could trigger a guilt that I'm imagining or thinking of another woman.] But I suppose trouble brews if a woman is encountered who is more possessive of the attractive traits.
-anonymous
Kenya’s Rebuttal:
You see here in lies the problem. Of course women who are considered ‘beautiful’ share similar traits in this time and day, this is mostly due to the wonderful media which we have collectively rigged to set up ideas of beauty for us. But maybe more natural things like earlobes or chins play a more primal part. Mostly, we go with what we know, what we are shown as images of beauty. But who ever said that we should only find beauty in one thing. I happen to think all women, all men and all children are absolutely, stunningly, drop dead gorgeous!
What would be the harm in my acknowledging that? Would that make me a cheater to find beauty in another as well as my primary mate? Why so? And what of imagining? Are we insinuating that human beings aren’t to even imagine another beautiful person when in a mate relationship? This is getting really scary! The imagination is a tool for creation. I have often counseled clients to visualize her mate as even more attractive than he is now. In this way, one can use the animal energy (looks of the body or attraction to looks of the body) to energize a marriage that has fallen prey to base imbalance – ‘He just doesn’t do it for me anymore – I can’t stand looking at him in the morning”. Pity. I have worked with these individuals and employed the combined effort of training the animal to do new tricks that look more like Zen balance – our higher nature.
Facebook Comment #3
Some would tell you the life cycle consists of birth, growth, decay, and death. I prefer birth, growth, metastasis, decay, and death. The former considers aging a natural progression, the latter considers health not as something that peaks at 30 and then declines, but as something that with proper practices can be prolonged indefinitely. In my opinion, a beautiful woman is the living embodiment or symbol of the metastasis required for longevity, and the more you can integrate the components of beauty–given your taste–into a single person/symbol the greater the benefit of the understanding of her beauty.
Ownership is about the responsibility for the care of beauty [as beauty is of benefit to our own health] yet ownership isn’t a requirement to obtain the benefit of beauty–which to me explains the success of pin-up models.
-anonymous
Kenya’s Rebuttal:
Agreed. I believe that we modern Americans have associated ownership to an innocent and honorable concept like responsibility. I can clearly see that a woman is delicate, beauty is delicate and must be taken care of. No problem. But what you left out of your analysis is that ownership is not just simply taking responsibility of something _ an entire community can take responsibility for the delicate, feminine women - moreover, ownership is an attempt to possess a thing.
Beauty is to be cared for, nourished, enjoyed, cherished, but how can we posses beauty itself? And as you said – there is benefit in the observance of beauty in a thing – there is healing that happens when we feast our eyes on a beautiful or symmetrical item. But when we want to posses it, such that no one else can be healed by OUR beauty OUR piece of beauty – MINE MINE MINE MINE – MY piece of beauty then there is a serious lac of cultivation in play, an energy that has driven grown men to war. Ownership and possession and then the willingness to fight another to hold this beautiful, healing, object to oneself is totally based on core animal energy being unchecked, unharnessed and put to no good use.
Facebook Comment # 4
There are also exchanges at the bacterial level between lovers. More partners creates stronger bacteria. [we all carry our genetic imperfections in our scent. perfumes masque nature.]
-anonymous
Kenya’s Rebuttal:
More partners creates stronger bacteria, and the Earth adjusts creating stronger Immunity. Have you ever noticed how here in the States there are all these cleaners and so forth – bleach and all? Travel to places where there are no chemical cleaning agents. The persons in those places have stronger immunity – why? Because the body has actually had to do the natural process of building strong immunity due to the existence of bacteria (good and bad) unhampered by chemicals, bleaches, tools and so forth. S lets not get i9nto this sterile mindset, please.
Besides, bliss itself creates broader immune outreach in the body. It is proven that a smile, a laugh, a happy voice, and indeed sexual pleasure extends immunity up to 53%! Here’s an article about it - Sick People Need Sex!
Facebook Comment #5
So I disagree [with non monogamy]. I do not heed my base desires out of a fear of spiritual repression. I feel to ignore or transfer desire to my object of affection reinforces my love of the object. The more objects I have the more I have to diversify and spread thin my affections, and thus the less the returns. Like voltage across a capacitor in circuits in parallel.
Monogamy is puncticular taste.
I prefer the appreciation of beauty to love.
-Anonymous
Kenya’s Rebuttal:
What is an object? I have no concept of the separateness of things you speak of. When I glance at or love an object I love the essence of it – it is peace itself- we are all one – the object is essentially a part of me! We must not refuse to consider the fact that we are all essentially one being. I don’t separate objects from people or trees from sun or God from Human Beings. Universe – Unified Movement – One Being. When I focus on the rose, the women, the man, the butterfly I am focusing upon consciousness itself. I see peace itself as structural basis of those perceived things. Thus the voltage is always singularly pointed. I do not have to decide which things to like best – I can love all things because it is all me! Materialism as a concept is a farce! Nothing material is without God qualities.
I do not heed my fear of spiritual damnation by repressing rather than harnessing base Desire which is as Potent as The Sun’s Fire!
OK – well thank you so much for your comments on facebook! I hope we can dialouge more on these rebuttles. This is an awesome exploration of non monogamy. Blessings to you all!
Kenya K
Popularity: 16% [?]
December 31st, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Kenya,
I generally love your site and perspectives, but…
I think that if you wish to have an open relationship, it is your perogative, but you shouldn’t justify it by saying, in effect, “I want to do it, so therefore I should.”
The analogy that springs to my mind is diet.
I happen to be a vegan, but it isn’t because I don’t enjoy eating meat or cheese. It’s because I choose to limit my diet. I may look at a big cheeseburger and want to take a bite, or lust after some Haagen daz, but I recognize that to do so would compromise my principles.
I find strength in structure and limitations, and I think that if you study animal behavioral techniques, you’ll see that most external and internal animals can flourish within structured environment.
I’m not saying that my husband and I don’t recognize the beauty in others, I’m saying that by limiting our most intimate discourse, by having an aspect of our relationship that is truly private, it reinforces the unique beauty that is US.
Having said all of that, people get into, and remain in relationships for many reasons.
But having sex w/ someone requires a level of vulnerability that I think we feel more than men.
And maybe having more partners lessens the vulnerability to any one partner.
But I think being a little vulnerable is sexy and liberating, and and that too, is why I limit myself. And knowing that He and I share a secret, empowers me to go that much further.
“holding someone is truly believing there’s joy in repetition.”
I’m rambling now, but I am interested in your feedback…
January 1st, 2009 at 1:02 am
I’ve read. Partially agree and partially disagree. Shit I agree and disagree with myself. Are you in town? Let’s go to Pita Cafe tomorrow if they are open. [Jan 1, 2009]
January 1st, 2009 at 1:38 am
I am not saying that I want an open relationship. I don’t want that because I am afraid of the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see my husband truly open to another woman. However, what makes us believe that THIS NASTY FEELING OF JEALOUSY isn’t the animal we’re supposed to kill? Why do we think lust an animal yet not think jealousy the same? We have a long way to go on this topic. I had no idea about the responses I would get. I’ll be writing about this more and more into the New Year! Hold tight!
January 2nd, 2009 at 3:14 pm
I didn’t intend to come across as hostile, I hope you didn’t receive it that way.
I’m not even saying that an open relationship is bad, I guess I was just trying to understand the genesis of it.
Jealousy is definitely one of the internal fauna that can grow quite large when allowed to feed at will. I’m not sure I’d want to kill any of these animals though, a friend of mine recommended an excellent book: “Don’t shoot the Dog.”
I think that all of our animals are there for a reason, but as you say, you just have to make sure that you are ultimately in control of them.
Happy new year! I look forward to following your interesting travels!
January 5th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
I love reading your blogs and all of the responses to them. I’d like to add my little piece, if I may. I think about all of the various possibilities that we can encounter in thought and in the material world that all suggest a myriad of other possibilities. Kash, you know that I love you dearly and agree with a whole lot of what you share. I see these perspectives as just one group of possibilities. Each person is different in our own variety of finiteness. The spirit is infinite in potential and unlimited in power, however. Just because we all possess at our core the same potential in spirit, we are also placed on this earth in a physical manifestation with very specific purposes. It really doesn’t help us much to position ourselves as the embodiment of all wisdom when we are all so conditioned that we cannot possibly experience the sort of sweeping changes that would allow us to be that consumate higher being in almost every situation. The best we can do is stretch ourselves beyond current limitations gradually, and move forward without the shame and guilt associated with having an overly rigdidly structured belief system.
Gradual progress is the name of the game in each and every single aspect of the human experience. Having known you for a number of years, I can honestly say that I have seen you gradually become who you are today. At one point in time, your current perspective, way of relating and even ability to express the things you share with the world were merely potential. Your choice in relationship preference took as long to accept as anything else that you have evolved to. While, I don’t knock the preference, for each of us is free to do as we please (or are we), I will say that when I hear you speak of the preference as something you don’t want, I can’t help but ask why have you embraced it? Have you considered that perhaps there is some fear within you that allows you to justify your decision with other things that you have learned? Honestly, when we commit something of spiritual value to heart and have a true change in mind over a new core value, doesn’t operating within that new value bring you to a place of peace within? After all, you know you are doing what is correct for you! Or do you?
Our bodily reactions give us much information. Everything to that tension we may feel in our necks to the gut wrenching we feel when we are instinctively feeling behind some external influence or catalyst. Suppression is not the answer. In going along with the concept of “changing your man” where is the creative energy precisely implemented in going along with something because of some adopted value based on some gathered information. I desire to have a loving union with one woman based on some very specific things. They are my personal ideals and attaining those things requires both peace and vigilance. Your situation sounds more like peace without vigilance. Honestly, it sounds much more like a personal compromise. Compromise in such matters is terrible. I say this because the tension that you experience even after having adopted this supposed new value or value system still exists. I don’t even see where it really gets any better. Why not create a set a requirements for your life based on things that you KNOW that you desire to experience versus going along with a situation in which you admittedly say you desire not to experience.
You are correct! Jealousy is as nasty of a beast as any other animal within us. A marriage, however, should be a place of honor, love and devotion. I’m certain that it is hard to feel honored in a situation where the person you are dealing with doesn’t feel that you are enough to satisfy his primal desires. That would be a tough situation to live in. I’ve been there, and I have also created such an environment in prior relationships. In honoring a mate, you naturally are inspired to be more empathetic to his/her emotional needs. From the “man in the mirror” stand point, it is each person’s responsibility to privide him/her self what he/she requires in a relationship. This means that it is as much your responsibility to place yourself in the sort of situations where you don’t have to have your jealousy aroused as it is the responsibility (should he/she accept this level of accountability) of a mate to not arouse such feelings when he/she clearly understands the impact it has on you, the feeling person. Most people intuitively understand this, even if they can’t verbalize it so well. For this reason, poly is a tough concept to sell to most.
Polygamy, on the other hand, is a different concept from the perspective that each person entering that relationship willingly accepts that as a condition prior to marrying into the situation. This is a level of honesty and maturity that, though not popular among the masses, leaves every person within their situation knowing where they stand. If anyone feels jealous within the situation, it is that person’s responsibility to deal with it by virtue of the conditions in which they willfully accepted from the start of their participation. If a poly-amourous situation begins in that way, great! Most I have seen, however do not, and it is usually one person that is left to adapt to a situation that in their heart of hearts knows that is not ideal for them, despite what they force upon the mind.
One thing that I have learned is that even when someone goes along with something against their truest desires, all you create is peace without vigilance, which is not truly peace at all. Peace allows you to communicate whatever you need to communicate in whatever way you desire to communicate it without fear of losing anything, even your sense of comfort and stability. Sacrifice is much better than compromise. When you sacrifice, you think nothing of it ever again. Compromising one’s self creates the very conditions in which fear and discord breed. Without core integrity, there is no peace. I have made many adjustments recently which equate to filling in the gaps within myself that equate to repairing the structural integrity within myself so that I can truly create the life that I desire. Sometimes in the process, people are hurt, and it certainly something that requires courage on the part of the person enforcing this form of justice upon himself and the situation. The result, however, is the seed of creation after the death of what is old. From this perspective, we learn that death is not a bad thing. Some relationships must end and some parts of us must die in order for us to create fertile ground for the sort of creation that yields of the life of our desires. Be blessed! Love ya!
Menra Ankh
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:25 am
There is nothing wrong with any action. apart from the fact that it is not in alignment with your desires. If you want to own someone, go right ahead and create that reality with all the passion you can muster. The universe will respond by providing someone who does agree with you.
We have a free mandate to create whatever , whenever we wish. We do not have a mandate to ignore the consequences of those realities. Thus, it makes sense to examine such realities metaphysically, like creating a movie. If after such an examination using known principles that reality still works for you. More power to the self.
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:29 am
The unexamined life is not worth living : – Aristotle.
December 2nd, 2009 at 7:41 am
Naturally, when you cut your arm off. It is gone. for good. There is no coming back. Thinking will not bring it back. I dont like compromise either. but faced with sacrifice vs compromise, I choose compromise.
My answer to compromise is logical imperative. Logical imperative is outside the sphere of both parties. Yet governs the needs of both. It is the spiritual third of the relationship. or if you like a real alternative, a spiritual mentor or guru.