Jujumama

Damn!  Life is really on my a$$ right now. I am up there teaching, I also practice what I am preaching!  LOL!  I can’t say that it’s hard, it is no more difficult than standing on stage with your pants down.  I have no problem exposing my arse if you don’t mind taking a minute to stare.  I do not play around with this thing called life.  Everything I preach to you, I do!

I have to!

Today I realized that my husband is a HUGE mirror – once again, here it is!  Tired of hearing about the mirror?  Oh, I’m sorry.  Scroll down for more suitable literature.  Here’s the story – So you know he has found his passion in learning, practicing and working himself into an open relationship with me.  Yes, just like Will and Jada, but he said Will is gay.  (I don’t think so.)

I resent it and I resent him…blah blah blah.  Life is ALWAYS fair.  What he does to me is my reflection of me back to ME!  I know I have to find the mirror, so here goes, my Water Bending goes public.  Journey with me to the core of my polyamory issue…

Issue #1 – My husband wants to have polyamory because he believes in following his passion.  Kudos to you my love!  He is placing his passion outside the relationship and far away from me.  (Well, not all of his passion flows away…I just be dam…ya know?)

OK, so let’s find the mirror as difficult as that may be for some of you.

Well, the topic is passion and placement thereof.  Where do I place my passion?  Oh no, it couldn’t be far from him ,could it?  Let’s see, what do I love the very best right now in life?  BLOGGING, writing, promoting my book, counseling, blabbing my business to the world in hopes it helps someone out there looking for truth, honesty and a real solution to relationship quandaries.

I stay up late at night blogging, sometimes all night if I have to also prepare an ad for my email list of 3000.  And to gather that kind of list has taken time, energy and skill.  Dotted into the night are calls from across the country.  My West Coast clients call late into the night and I LOVE spending hours on the phone, not just because it makes me money, but because this is my passion.

I have placed my passion in my work and it shows.  My business is profitable.  But what is the cost?  Well, who is upstairs rubbing my husband’s belly as I blog the night away?  Who is caring for his needs and concerned about his well being?  Who is asking him about his day at the office in the world of corporate mayhem?  It most certainly isn’t me.  So herein lies the mirror:  His passion is displaced from our relationship and SO IS MINE!

But Kenya K, screw him!  Why are you so concerned about pleasing him?  (Could it be because I want him to please me? – naaa) At least your passion is something that helps others, helps the family financially and does not violate the relationship.  Oh stop blubbering, life is fair girls.  Passion is Passion and Displacement is Displacement….

It’s time to grow up.  If I can do it, so can you.  I can’t sit and complain that his passion being dispersed to another woman is any different than my passion being uploaded onto my MAC.  My MAC is my man and that is the simple fact.  I am on a serious mission and I feel joy each day as I think of my next angle, my next sales tactic and blog post, he is on a serious mission too!  His joy each day is thinking of the next convincing point about opening our relationship, finding ways to create female friends and following through with expressing his passion.  What is the difference?

So how can I shame him for what he is doing?  Pity the fool who would refuse looking within to find the root to the situation.

I am no fool.  So action step number one is easy.  If I want him to shine his passion upon me, I have to glow my passion onto him.  (Not rocket science)  Is it possible?  Of course it is!  Is it easy?  Hell naw!  Not with all this anger.  But if I want a shift in him, I will have to shift my own folly.  Why?  He is my mirror!  He is not doing anything to me, I am creating for myself.  He is no more wrong than I am.  He can only reflect my being and accepting this is so much more empowering than blaming him for displaced passion.  (I know, you may not comprehend)

Let’s say I were to blame him for the entire situation.  Here’s how that might look: Negro, you have been married to me for 14 years!  I gave you my youth (that’s a typical line, right ladies?)  How the hell are you going to justify the fact that you can’t give me your undying love?  I work my arse off for you and this is what I get?  You are killing me man!  Can’t you see how unfair you are being?  Stop treating me bad!  Leave that tramp alone!  Give me your love or I’m leaving!  I don’t have to take this!

Ahhhhh.  So soothing to share the language of American Cultural Brainwashing, a failing philosophy – that someone must be blamed for our unhappiness when in fact the solution to personal dissatisfaction is ALWAYS within.  Law of Attraction.  (Oh you like Universal Law when it suits you but when it makes you 100% responsible for your own life, you hate it?  Pity.)

But he should meet you half way Kenya K.  Don’t let that negro off the hook.  What you are doing is far less hurtful than him.  LMAO!

From the standpoint of a Goddess, I will Change My Man (My Mirror) by focusing less of my passion on work and more of it on my loving, wonderful husband – you know the one who has always loved me, has never forced me to work (I have never held a real job), the one who stood my me through illness, personal drama and now this blatant lack of mindfulness of his needs.  The same man who expresses his undying love for me daily, even through the storm…  As difficult as this may sound, I know how to tip the scales in my favor.  It’s called BE THE CHANGE.  How about you?

Issue #2 – My husband gets upset with me when I don’t comply to his wishes (mostly for an open relationship).  He claims he is not upset, but he actually is and he runs to the cave to retreat from me in his anger.  He claims it’s not anger because he is not yelling at me.  LOL!  But he tallies my bad behavior on a little chart and holds all of it against me – I mean from years back!  He uses this tally pad to justify his anger and withdraw.  He uses this anger to justify his need for poly.

Ohhhhh, poor me, huh?  Kenya K how do you ‘put up’ with that man?  Why don’t you just go find someone who loves you better?  Maybe you don’t love yourself Kenya K…you need some hep girl.  LOL!

Get real ladies.  Teenagers blame the world for their problems.  Grown arse women, Goddesses, and Divas find the root to ill behaviors of men.  Step one is always ‘look within’.  In this way, we become author of our lives rather than subject.  And we become creators rather than created.  No one can create me sad, create me lonely, create me mad…I create my life!

So here is the mirror.

1. My husband gets angry with me.  I too get angry at him.
2. He gets mad at me when I don’t accept his feelings.  I too get angry at him because he won’t honor my feelings.
3. My husband harbors old anger in his mind and tallies my score.  I too harbor old anger and judge him based on it.
4. He brings up old stuff I did.  I bring up old shiznit all of the time!

So how do I get him to stop reflecting anger?  How does one get a mirror to stop reflecting 300 pounds of flesh?  Do we yell at the mirror or do we LOSE SOME DAMNED WEIGHT!  I have to lose the anger that I harbor in order to see my new reflection in him.

But that is not fair, is it?  He should do it first!  He should be the one to make me happy FIRST!  I am a diva!  He owes me!  I had his babies!  He needs to recognize!  I am his wife!  He needs to get with the program…

In Like Manner:

I had it first.  No it’s mine.  I’m telling.  You’re not my friend.  I hate you.  You can’t come back to my club house.  Give me my Barbie!  You are a cry baby!  I’m telling Mom.  Stop bossing me around!  It’s my turn.  Hump!

Childish. I am an evolved being.  I know so much better and I will show better.  I will weed out the remaining anger in me, I will redirect my passion back to him – shine it like sweet diamond juice into his beautiful, and worthy soul.  I want to see better so I will be better.

It’s just that simple.  And this is how to Change Your Man. But becoming an Avatar ain’t no sippin tea…is it?  But the rewards are sweet as honeydew…

Wish me luck!

Kenya K Stevens – CEO JujuMama LLC

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