Jujumama

I’ve done it again! I have discovered something new!  It’s the amazing power of two sweet words that many of today’s women have forgotten.  These two words are like magic and work to get you whatever you desire in life and love.  Did you ever hear your momma say “you catch more flies with honey”?  Well, who wants flies…but I finally figure it out?

Catching flies with honey is important because you are trying to get rid of all the flies!  Who wants those dirty, pesky bugs circulating?  Not I!  So the power in the honey is that you clear the energy of your relationship and achieve Bliss I.E. a fly free existence! Here is how it all works – are you ready for this brand of sweetness?  Are you ready to Trust a man with your very life?  LOL!  Are you ready to be treated like an absolute Diva?

Often women find a man’s requests of her to be repulsive, ignorant and unwise.  Women are rarely in the mood or mode of simply saying YES to a man, trusting a man so much as to agree to his stipulations no matter what.  It seems foreign, somehow, to TRUST a man so much…probably because we must first trust the beauty of life (Universe Itself) and then trust ourselves…

Guess what?  What do you really desire in love?  You want that man to protect you, care for you, nurture you, treat you like a Queen, right?  You want the good loving, the fabulous life, the commitment and the steamy dreamy love that you have always considered, well, impossible.  But this brand of love is infinitely possibly when you Manifest Sexy with these two words…

The way it works is simple.  It only requires that you release control.  It also requires that you practice saying YES.  YES YES YES!  Oh yes honey, yes honey…yes I will…

But how do we shut off the endless mental babble that we are so used to?  “This man is asking for something else?  Damn him, he did not appreciate what I just gave him!  I do not have time for this.  He needs to give ME something, say yes honey to ME!”  I have experienced this in my marriage, it is the constant back and forth that I seem to ooze when my man asks me to do something, be something, say something or live something.  For a long time, I just could not help but to equate the dominant assertion of my personal power with actually having personal power.  I thought that by questioning him, I was seizing the moment, standing up for myself and being a strong, modern woman.  I was not just going to accept his crap ‘as is’…I wanted him to prove his love and then MAYBE I might say yes to some of this crap.

LOL!

Here are a few common areas where many women fail to use the power in the word YES HONEY!

1. Your man wants to have sex but you do not feel like it.
2. Your man wants another child but you are like, hell no!
3. Your man wants you to relinquish the financial situation to him.
4. Your man wants you to be a stay at home mom.
5. Your man wants you to stop arguing with him and just be quiet.
6. Your man wants you to stay in for the evening but you already had plans.
7. Your man wants you to show respect by greeting him at the door when he comes home.
8. Your man wants his laundry done, his food prepared and/or his socks mended.

You do not have time for his stuff! You are busy as all get out!  You have things to do!  Often you may say no out of sheer stress and tension about having to do so many other things.  That’s cool.  But here is the issue.  When you say NO – just flat out NO to his requests.  Or worse, if you commence a back and forth ‘discussion’ telling him about all the ways you are tired, busy, angry or whatever else that keeps you from simply saying ‘yes honey’ then you are setting a few things up.  First, you are setting him up to say flat out NO to your request.  Second, you are setting up a situation where he can not trust you to be in support of him.

The bad thing about those two things is that a.) You need him to say YES to you, so you have to give what you want to receive and b.) You want him to support you so it follows that you should be fully, sensually,  and wholeheartedly willing to support him.  Now this, of course, does not apply across the board.  There is another phrase I will arm you with later in the post to assist you when you truly can not say Yes Honey.

But most of the time, if we are willing to fake it until we make it – saying yes honey can be an utterly liberating and sensual experience!  Believe me ladies, this is tried and true.

I write about this seductive phrase in my first book, Change Your Man, but here I will give the basics.  Saying ‘yes honey’ does not mean you are a punk, wimp or doormat.  In fact, saying ‘yes honey’, like I mentioned earlier, will empower you to get whatever you desire from your man.  When you say this phrase, a man becomes mentally erect.  He feels the joy and love you have to simply support him, and he in turn, becomes super protective, and supportive of you.  This is his instinct.  A man will treat you like the Queen that you are when you respect him as King!  It is just that easy!

The hard part is the feelings you get when you think of saying ‘yes honey’ to a man who you are secretly angry at for not providing for all of your needs.  But guess what?  He is currently not able to provide for you because you have NEVER been able to support him!  And endless cycle.  This is true.  You are looking into the mirror of SELF when you see him behaving selfishly toward you.  How do I know this?  Well, that is simply Universal Law.  The Biblical folks might know this one “Give and shall be given on to you”.  Or “What goes around comes around” (is that from the Bible?  LOL!)

I see the support we give our men as making deposits into the Bliss Bank.  This is a concept I created and speak extensively on in Change Your Man.  When we deposit daily the support and respect men need, then we can withdraw the love and security we need when needed.  The Bliss Bank concept is one that really works!  It occurs often that women go to the Bliss Bank to withdraw some love and security, but the bank account has a negative balance.  Why?  Is it because we have not given our men what they need?  NO!  We give all the damned time, we are givers by nature!  The issue is that we give and give and give, but we are over-giving of what we THINK he wants and under giving of what he actually and truly desires.

He desires to come home to a peaceful place, a place where he is successful because his woman is happy.  He knows his woman is happy because she is not constantly complaining or going back and forth with him when he makes request of her.  When he comes home to this form of harmony, the ‘yes honey’ mama drenched in honey herself and being that way without complaining or adding up the score, then he can more easily GIVE, which is not in his nature, men are born receivers!

But saying ‘yes honey’ will also help us learn to receive…here are a few instances that will demonstrate what is meant:

1. You man wants you to work less but you feel afraid to let go of the job – ‘yes honey’
2. Your man wants you to hire a babysitter but you feel afraid to release the children – ‘yes honey’
3. Your man wants you to not worry about cleaining the house to night and come to bed but you feel you can not rest until every nook and cranny is clean – ‘yes honey’
4. Your man wants you to let him handle the trash or paint the house on his own time but you want it done RIGHT NOW and you can do it yourself – ‘yes honey’

You see that?  By saying ‘yes honey’ you are also giving up on the control and allowing him to take care of you.  You can do this, right?  And you do see the benefit, yes?

So try it sometime!  He does have good intentions…

Now here is a great trick for saying NO without negating his manhood.  If you are in the middle of creating a blog, let us say, and he wants you to get up and make him a snack, you can use these other magic words.  “I can’t”  Yes, simply say “I can’t” don’t get all huffy like “damn, does he not see that I am working here?”  Don’t get snooty or get all in his face for disturbing you.  Try not to get an attitude and then get up and do it anyway, with that attitude.  Just say “oh honey, I can’t right now”.  And let him figure out the rest.  Refrain from giving him instruction or suggestions.  Just state that you can’t and he will feel honored and revered at the moment.

I hope you are seeing the point here.  And for those of you who want to get smart with me and say ‘well, what if he asks me to join him for a threesome, or smoke crack?  What if he asks me to sleep with is best friend or be his slave?’  Because this is not the norm, I will hold comment.  But if there is really something that you feel is outlandish, saying no is still an option, but please do so respectfully.

What we are trying to avoid is making your relationship a war zone where your man feels no satisfaction in the knowing that his ‘will’ prevails in your home and that you support that wholeheartedly.  It requires a level of Goddesshood with a basis of peace and love for harmony.  I requires viewing the world with new and trusting eyes knowing that if you are living in the feminine flow of life, trusting yourself and the Universe that you can also trust your man.  I mean, let us face it, you did not choose a fool, did you?  And if so, why is that?

Oh yes, I am talking about core peace, core harmony and core bliss.  This winter I was put to the test!  I had to submit my will to my man and trust that everything was going to turn out well.  As you know, the man asked me if he could open our relationship after 14 years of marriage.  I said ‘hell no’ and then I say ‘well maybe’ and finally I submitted to his will and said YES, ‘yes honey’.  I took me a while to be sweet about this because it hurt my feelings.  However, I did get to the root of why he wanted this and I found that by simply saying yes, and choosing to work on my end, still, to get what I wanted, I succeeded.

How did I succeed?  Well, my husband felt liberated when I actually agreed to his request for openness.  But less than 45 days after the ‘yes honey’ moment, he came to me with this “I do not like the way I feel in this new relationship.  This is not exactly what I had in mind.  I have loads of work to do with our companies and our lives together, I really do not have time for a girlfriend’.

“Yes Honey” I said again with the inner smile beaming!  Today we are headed to California to begin celebrating our Valentine’s day a week early.  He handled the tickets, lodging and rental car.  I am his Queen in waiting and he serves the Queen because I support and acknowledge him as the king.  I trust him wholeheartedly and although it is sometimes trying (just read the blogs on my bout with his poly folly) I know that in the end, the Universe has my back.  I Change My Man everyday with feminine flow to go!  Get some of the good stuff baby!

Blessings!

Kenya K Stevens

Your friendly Jujumama…

You have to try this sometime…

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