Jujumama's Love Academy

Oh la la, dat man was right again!  I can not believe it!  Well, I can.  And now that I stand a believer I must say that this is hotter than I ever imagined it would be.  As you know, my hubby and I flow on a 365 day cycle.  We use the sun as our guide with seasons as the markers of changing energy.  It was clear that on December 21 we were clearing our relationship…

After 13 years of matrimony, he wanted to open me up wide to the blessings that flow endlessly.  I would not submit but eventually did and that was that.  But man – If I had known what the storehouse of love was holding for me in this deal I’d have said yes, like, ten years ago.  I just was taking it slow.  Last night I saw a glimpse of the bounty…

Men trip me out.  I mean, how was I to know that a philosophy so shallow would lead to this?  Well, I thought men wanted more women because they are just shallow, you know?  They do not understand a woman’s need for security, they hate rules, they are rebellious MF’s with the arrogance to call it maleness.  In this case, I could not have been so damned wrong in all of my life.

So yes, I did the deed.  I corrected my reflection in the mirror.  I started falling out of love with my Mac and I started hanging with my husband again at night.  The blog posts slowed because I write at night.  But passion was erected in absence of moonlighting here at Wordpress.  My marriage was as it has always been, in bountiful stages – blissful!

I felt good about that and thought that was it!  I corrected my image in the mirror, he lost interest in his current friends and returned his passion to me just as I returned my passion to him.  I thought that was freaking it!

On February 5 Gathering Energy came strong to greet me.  It was a simple networking party.  A simple event like all the others where I always make a strong showing, I always collect the business cards of the rich and famous (like me, my reflection) and they always tell me of the energy they feel of me, my cypher, the energy of my soul pouring onto them with no abandon.  This is what I do!  I love it too.

But this first night of Gathering was special.  So special that after the party there was an after party just for me; well, me and a few men who simply showered me with love.  I can not tell you how divalicious I felt to sit there with them dishing me the goods like dat.  I was really hungry, and so they fed me, I was really thirsty and so they ordered the bar to come to me, I was really tired and so they rubbed my legs with male hands so good you’d lose yourself in the moment of your glance, I was happy so they enjoyed me, I was silly so they laughed and laughed with me until we melted away from that place, them having covered the tab of my having it all and we rode.

I longed for more along with them.  They spoke to me of freedom, I felt chained in thought.  I felt frozen the moment they sopke of my release.  I felt self-conscious with a full belly and a fully body and a full spirit.  I felt ashamed to want them both.  I felt a silly pang of mentalness coming on and I did let it ride a moment before I pulled out my oracle deck and asked God itself.  These two high powered executives were like WHAT?

WTF should I do – oh great deity above? (above?)  I know you say it takes two…but how can I convince my old mind to leave the bullshit behind?  I just did not know.  I could not know.  But the oracle said flow.  So I tried…

Here is where my husband’s philosophy melts me and makes me his forever and ever his woman.  I was like thinking of him, what he would say.  I heard him say it as loud as ever “flow”.  This is what I wanted to always stop from him.  I wanted his flow to flow onto me with no exceptions at all.  This was like dancing at a lunatics ball.  How would I ever convince myself that flow is not to be dammed and crammed away?  I don’t know WTF to say?  No way had I imagined love being so sweet and so like knocking me off my feet… I love my husband so much.  I feel more secure knowing that I now KNOW him.  I get it!

So loving him I sat with God saying yes in the cards and me saying yes in my body and them saying yes and one of him saying good night to allow the other more dominant one to take flight with me up to the room that I dared not go.  I wanted like hell to say no and like heaven to go with the flow.

What happened?

I know what happened this time.  This time I chose to stay crammed in the land of my mind.  When I called my husband to tell him all about my experience that evening he commended me for allowing as much as I had and told me that in time I would see the light.  He told me that evolution is sometimes like the dark of night.  You know what you are thinking but what you are seeing is dark.  You know what you are wanting but what you are living is stark blackness.

For now all I can say is thank you.  Thank you honey for taking me to the place outside my comfort zone.  Thank you for stretching me beyond myself to explore the endless variety that life has to offer and knowing that my higher nature is always in charge, especially when I ride the waves on the barge and weather the storm of simplistic NORMS that try to knock my boat back west.  Who told us that sensual, sexual, beautiful, lovely, fulfilling, delicious, heavenly, divine energy is that of the lower nature?  What lie was that?  Evolved, conscious, human beings are on the rise once again.  That old paradigm has it’s days numbered my friend.  I am telling you…

what?