Jujumama

I love firsts. Recently at my Tantra Event in Atlanta many people were able to see their first LIVE Tantra Demonstration.  Most had never seen a woman brought to full orgasm without being touched at all or through a special (non-vaginal) massage.  My husband demonstrated the technique really well – so well that I too was having inner bliss as I watched – all of the women were!

What happened was we chose three audience members randomly and had each of them get into bed on the stage to be worked on by hubby.  He uses a technique called NitVana but he has added some special skills to the mix as well.  We call our Event Organic Bliss - soon coming to a city near you!

But firsts are really cool!  I recall the first time I fell in love outside of my marriage.  It happened last year this time.  My husband had been – for two full years – trying to open me to these new concepts that I had immediately rejected.  What?  Another woman?  And more, me with any man I choose – NO WAY!  I am not down with that.  My sister, my mother, my dad, his parents, hell, everyone in my whole life would have a fit if we were to openly have this form of relationship.  My name is not Jada.  And you do not have Will Smith money so forget about it!

There I stood, holding my ground, refusing to trust him, myself or the Universe.  Hell, I did not want to try it.  I am a very prissy girl.  I had only had sex with one man for 12 – 13 years and I was not trying to CHANGE.  Besides, we were totally and 100% in love!  Why rock the boat?  On and on I went until one day my friend asked me to attend a conference in Memphis Tennessee.  OK, sure! This was an event on Green Living.  I plan to build a Green subdivision some day, 100% off the grid, so I gave it a whirl.

We rode down to Memphis together having delightful girl talk the entire ride.  She is a client, so we had loads of discussion about her relationship and mine.  Everything is cool, right?  Until I got to the conference and realized that this was a set-up!  The Universe was thrusting me out there – had taken me away from my home and kids and hubby (I never used to go out) and put me smack dab into a new world of people – lots of people – good looking people with lots on the ball.  I met so many wonderful individuals that weekend!

One in particular had caught my eye in the hallway.  I am not fond of sitting through long lectures, so I’d roam the hallway when I got antsy.  On this particular occasion, I ran into a boy I thought I knew from somewhere – has that every happened to you?  It can be quite embarrassing, right?  I mean I could have sworn I knew him and so I stopped to ask – where do I know you from?  We tried and tried to figure it out and eventually we did!  I had met him in passing, summers earlier, at a retreat with a spiritual theme.  He and I had been to that retreat every summer together for years but had never met formally.

Well this was really strange.  Then he started saying that when he saw me he thought of Oshun – the Goddess of love – something in the way I was walking or some shit.  Alright then… And he went on and on about the Goddess energy he was feeling and that he had had a dream about Oshun the night before.

Now this boy was pretty cute and all, but I was just wondering the halls, I wasn’t out looking for booty.  This is what I had always accused my husband of, wanting more women to have more booty.  He would always debate me and say that variety lends to expansion, not more booty, more challenges, more growth and more mental and spiritual expansion.  But I wasn’t falling for the metaphysical excuse, I told him it was about the booty and that was it.

Well, here I was minding my own damned business playing hookie on the workshops and I meet this man.  Soon our conversation was spinning into a dinner date.  He asked me if my friend and I would like to go with he and his friend to grab a re-pass.  OK.  No harm in a group dinner, right?  My girl agreed later as we dressed at the hotel. I started feeling strange.

Let me call my husband and tell him I am going on a dinner date with a man.  I am going to show him the type of respect I want him to show me if he were in the same situation.  My husband was like GOOD – have fun.  But, but…baby… its a man.  Fantastic I love you Hakashamut (his name for me).

Fantastic?  I love you?

When the time came I felt like I was going on a date.  I felt giddy and prickly on the inside like I was doing something wrong or naughty.  I could see if the boy was just not my type or really just some dude to kick it with on a friendship level, but he had called me Oshun and he had insinuated I was fine, and had shown more than a simple interest in me.  Maybe I should call my husband and tell him that – so I did.  My husband was like – Hakashamut – stop calling me and enjoy your life.  What?

So at dinner we sat and talked.  My friend did the unthinkable.  He pulled out his Mac and started working.  Now, most women would be turned off by this, but being the tech nerd that I am , I was completely aroused.  What are you working on?  He told me all about a website he was designing for the firm he worked with in California.  Oh, you are from Cali?  Yes, Santa Monica, I live four blocks from the beach in the company headquarters which is a pad on the beach!

Oh man – I knew this was a set-up.  How was I supposed to keep my cool when he kept surprising me with more intelligence, more spiritual insight and more sexiness?  I decided to put him to the test.  I began discussing some of my DIVA theories on relationships.  This would stump him and get the scent of man off him.  He could never have known about what I know about in this area.  I am a Quantum Relationships Scientist, a MOGUL,  A Love DIVA!  I bet he knew nothing about Tantra.

Do you know this man kept up with me and actually agreed with me on my theories.  He knew about the oracle I used, in fact he had his own oracle deck in his cool leather nap-sack!  He knew about the deities, and alternative tradition, and indigenous culture – the works!  Where is my girl?  I need help.  She was just chatting away with his friend.  Nothing serious, VERY platonic, after all she is a married woman, but damn, so am I!  Why does my vibe have to look so steamy when hers is nice and professional.  Maybe it is me, maybe I am just a steamy ass individual.

So we left that place, I paid for dinner trying to take my power back.  I covered the whole tab like What?  LOL!  I got dis.  Maybe that would scare him off, I didn’t need him to pay for me.  No favors for favors tonight buddy.  In the night air we walked back to the conference where there was to be a dance party.  He was making me laugh with his great sense of humor and stuff.  Man, this is not working for me.  At the dance I had a plan to lose him.

It worked! I found my way to the floor and danced my heart out, he was no where in sight.  The band was from New Orleans so they were mobile.  At the end of the night, they started playing those horns and drums right out of the ballroom and down the stairs.  Everyone was in an ecstatic trance as they followed the band.  We were singing some song we all seemed to know but had never really heard.  I think we made it up!  Now this is serious because I am a tranced out mama!  Music and signing and a band moving out of the room found me following and possessed with my ancestors just shouting and singing.  I was thinking about the Green Movement and the new world order and Barack Obama and we all were.  That was in the thick of the Primary last year.

As I danced I lost my shoes.  They just slid right off!  I found myself outside with a crowd shouting Obama Obama Obama and Peace and Love and all this hippie gibberish.  I was walking up to people hugging them, crying and laughing, we were sending energy to Obama and to Green movements everywhere.  I would find white boys and hug them, Chinese girls, native Americans t cuddle – this was a real free love moment.

When I came to, I found that he was standing over me – the original reason I had lost myself in the party.  He had my shoes and he was like – lets go…

Is this a dream, I thought, am I really in this location having a ball with a brilliant black man placing my shoes on my feet and asking me out for more of his Juju?  He walked me across the street to a bar in the Marriott hotel.  All of the hippies were there having drinks and relaxing.  My guy stood watch as I mingled in the afterglow of our ceremony.  We all exchanged cards and one more group free love hug before he asked me to come outside to talk.

He told me that I am the woman he has been looking for.  What?  We just met.  The one that he needs to work with to rise to his next level of self.  Well, you know I am married.   But my husband keeps talking about an open relationship.  Damn, why did I say that – I was giving him an inroad.  Why?  I must have been out of my mind!

An open relationship?  That’s cool.  So are you down?  No.  Yes.  Well, I understand that the Universe craves expansion and I know he loves me and I know that I am insecure about it, but I just do not know how to do it.  He told me to close my eyes as he shared a this story:

♥There was once a village of women and men who lived harmoniously together.  This was beyond the old days spoken of in books, this was more than 50,000 years ago.  These men and women were community.  The women were thought to be Goddesses, from the age of five they were trained to be women and they held one another to practice bliss, and they slept in the same bed with the boys to practice restraint and they danced in costume with developing breast bouncing in the wind.  Their mothers were happy because their mothers did not know who the fathers of the children were, the mothers had more security than any modern woman could imagine.  The mothers knew that every man in the village would take care of every girl in the dancing circle – and every boy near the dancing fire.  The mothers were happy because their daughters would choose a man at 14 during the onset of the menses and that man would be her housemate.

♦Her housemate was a lucky man.  He would have the pleasure of providing the meat from the hunt, the food from the field and the water from the lake.  He would become fulfilled as a man to simply be her mate, her lover and the caretaker of any children she had.  And as for sex, a spiritual science the girls knew well – and the boys – there would be plenty of it.  The healing ways were the ways of love.  Sex was a spiritual experience.  Never personal.  Sex was for the women to learn to be free and to create with her vision, sex was for the man to learn to give and heal a woman into powerful ecstatic trance that only he could induce in her.  To get her there was a crowning achievement.

♣The community was sane in that the freedom to love anyone opened everyone to being more than self, living more fully and personally connecting with human beings on levels we cannot fathom today.  The women were sisters.  They loved one another and were fully expected to hold one another hands in public, touch one another breast to be sure they were well, message one another in times of need and comment about one another beauty freely and often.  The women were not an angry group because they had the freedom to have vast amounts of sexual healing from anyone they chose and the men were a happy lot because the women would constantly find them, take them to the forest, sometimes two at a time and love for hours, sometimes until nightfall.  They all knew the children were safe because all of the men were uncle and all of the women were Mother.  (There was no word for father).

Whaaaaat?  Now how, I am asking you readers, HOW out of 6 billion people on this planet would I run into a man telling me this story as I am on the brink of losing my mind about my husband’s wished and desires.  How is it possible?  Do you know I melted into that man;s arms and hugged him.  I had indeed known him before – I saw that I had been his lover before.  It came in that hug, the vision of myself his male lover and he, a woman back then.  I was in tears and I was in agony and I was having an epiphany all at the same time.  How could I have been so foolish as to take a stupid modern construct at face value without exploring humanity in it’s wholeness to find this.  One story of millions that confirm my belief that we are greater than we could ever have know.  We are greater than what we have currently manifested.

At that time I was a life coach.  But in that moment I evolved into a relationships coach.  I had my book half way done and this was the perfect evolution of my story of matrimony into a story of monolithic proportion.  I had met a lover from a past life here in the middle of the Bible belt, had danced into trance and now this.

So needless to say he tried to kiss me. I was not ready for that.  I had to hold back as I stepped back into my body and away from the village square.  I had to contain myself.  But what are we really containing, which self do we contain when we fight the urge to connect on deep feeling levels with other human beings that are ONE with us?  Are we containing the right self?

I accepted only hugs that night. And when we got back to his hotel (I was dropping him off) he asked me the fatal questions “Will you come to my room, will you make love with me, will you be my Goddess?”.  Hell no – I mean, no I am sorry, I cannot do that tonight.  He put his hand on my leg for a final lean in hug.  Ouch!  Racing shards of energy right into my middle.  My God.  What in the world is this?  Heart pounding and lung orgasmic – Good night my love.

Honey, I just dropped him off.  Baby, that was weird.  I did not come her to meet someone.  I came to relax and enjoy a weekend without the kids and learn about Green Living.  What is happening to me?  What is happening to us?

Relax Hakashamut.  Tell me what happened… Wow…  I am glad you had a good time.  Try to get some rest.

Rest?

Yes.

Good night my love.

So needless to say this was my very first time.  This was the first time I experienced another love and allowed even so much as a hug from another man.  This was the first time I realized that we do not choose love consciously, but that our sub-conscious minds are choosing for us, in this case spirit alone was the chooser.  What are the odds of this, my people?

Me and ancient boy spent the next day skipping out of the conference and having lunch over Memphis Jazz on that famous street.  What is it called?  I allowed him to message my feet, the waitress told us to get a room!  I could not tell my married girlfriend about this on the way home.  I am her relationship coach.  WFT?

As soon as I got home I demanded my husband speak with this man. I was not going to go to California to see my new friend as he requested without my husband having the talk with him.  They spoke and became good friends.  I went to California the next month, but luckily I was in the red zone and did not have to do the impossible, make love to another man with this ring on my finger.

But eventually we did, over the months that passed, I opened.  And I met his fiance too!  She was nice, we became friends, good friends.  My husband liked his fiance and they would often both come to stay with us that summer.  What African American household looks like this?  Well, mine did until August when he broke up with me.  He was tired of me placing rules and regulations on him and on my husband.  I was freaking out too much.  I wanted to have my new friend but I did not want my husband to have any other woman.  I was afraid of having this relationship from the jump, so I was never really that relaxed through it all.  I was exercising control and neither of my lovers liked that very much…

I thought I would never see him again.  He would text, call, IM on occasion until it all fizzed out.

But guess what happened today, march 5, 2009?  That man called me to say that he was not in California but that he was in my city (I live in Atlanta’s boondocks, in the middle of no where).   He told me he is just two miles away from me right now as I write.  He asked me to come and see him.  I could not.  He asked me to go to the movies with him tonight.  I can not.  I will see him tomorrow at 12:00 noon.  I have no idea what to say.  My husband and I have been through so much together since my ancient lover and I parted ways.  I am sure he and my man will have a beer together and smoke a cigar on the back porch facing our forest out there.  Where the love fairies live…

You have got to love this journey, my friends.  The experiences never cease to amaze me.  I’ll tell you how tomorrow noon goes.

Thank you for reading Jujumama | Manifest Sexy!  Bliss to you!  I welcome your comments.  And I take questions *giggle*

Kenya K Stevens

JujuMama

xoxoxo

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