Jujumama's Love Academy

“Once you have started seeing the beauty of life, ugliness starts disappearing. If you start looking at life with joy, sadness starts disappearing. You cannot have heaven and hell together, you can have only one. It is your choice.” – Osho

Did I tell you guys what happened last Thursday?  No?  Oh for shame.  This is a good one, especially for those of you considering the life of Progressive Love.  This is a situation that marks the writes of passage of an individual moving away from the Western, cookie cutter paradigm into a new world order…

So I had a client in town from Miami.  I saw him on the 45th floor of the Westin in downtown Atlanta.  Hawt!  I was there to work with he and his estranged wife.  The work had gone well, I had arrived at 5:00 PM and left at 3:00 AM.  Lots of healing work happening and lots of awakening!

My husband had a Tantra client that evening – a young lady expecting a child.  She had a great time unraveling some of the fears she has in relating to her husband and other men.  Fabulous!  Right?

So I come home at about 3:30 AM only to find the door bolted shut from the inside.  I turned my key in the keyhole only to find that I was locked out.  Figuring my husband was sleeping, I went ahead and tried the sliding glass door.  Peeking in from the outside, I saw two figures scrambling to get dressed?  OMG?  So I came back to the front door and was this time greeted by my husband…

“My friend is here” he said calmly as I walked into my home.  And indeed she was there.  I had just cleaned the home earlier and had made the bed wonderfully in anticipation of coming home tired.  He had ruffled my bed!  They had ruffled my bed!  Good thing they hadn’t pulled the blankets back exposing my fresh sheets, I might have reverted back to the old me!  LOL!  They were dressed fully and looking caught…I wondered why he hadn’t texted me, I would have stayed the night out… no problem.

Hay girl!  Hay, how are you?  Fine… Good!  ( I really like this lady, she’s very nice!)  What’s up guys?

“Sit down baby, tell us about your evening and your work” he said…  Tell them?  That means you and her?  She’s going to stay for my story?  OK – I know we have a progressive relationship and I do love it, but wow – this?  This was pushing the mark, taking me way out of my comfort zone, which is, by the way, the only place where growth happens….  I was doing good just to be able to love a man so deeply who also loves others.  Not to mention stay in love with a man so deeply as I merrily love others… Talk about trail blazers!  OMG!

So wow, I was shocked, but I know how to follow my man.  I know how to breathe and allow new experiences.  I know that there are no victims and no villains in life, I know that this is all my creation…

I sat down and proceeded to tell these two how my evening went.  I cried in the telling of my client whom had been so brave to confront his issues and move beyond fear.  I also told of a woman who had just attacked me that evening during the ‘intervention’.  I had been brave as well, to do this work.

The intervention hadn’t gone as planned, but it was all for the best.  I hadn’t moved quickly enough when the clients sister in law was kicking me out of that house – she has no interest in the couple remaining a couple… That is life.

Through my tears I heard myself say that this is good.  It felt good to have a female companion to cry to – I was crying because I was realizing the significance of my work on this planet.  A great moment to share…  My husband, if he were there alone,  A.  would probably have been sleeping from the start or B.  would probably simply just listen without feeling what I was feeling.  Which has to be expected, our husbands are not our girlfriend’s, right ladies?  But her being there felt comfortable, at least for this segment of my evening.  Sisterhood becomes me…

So the story was done, this lady was dressed with purse in hand, I thought she was on her way out.  We embraced and shared a sacred moment or two when I recalled my other objectives.  Hubby and I live in a loft and so it was a rare night when the children were not at home.  I had plans of my own.  And even though my usual rule is not to make love with my husband on a day when he had already made love – I was willing to put that aside in exchange for just one night without the kids being in my sensual space…

By the time I realized that he had no intention of putting her out or asking her to leave, I began to wonder what she would do.  Would she have the couth to leave on her own, giving us our space…?  She too followed his instructions when he asked her to stay over!  Stay over?  What?  Where was she going to sleep?

“Come on ladies, lets go to bed”.  What?

OK, so my thoughts went wild… I am not really a bi-sexual person although I fully respect that lifestyle.  The last time I made love to a person of the same sex was in my elementary school years when young ladies, starved to know what sex is, starved to experience the unknown and longing to know more about young clitorises and the tickle of made love, tried it at slumber parties and in basements playing house.

Oh yes, I’m going to talk about that because so many women have experienced it and yet, we don’t talk about it.  If you know me, you know I talk about everything.  I do it for a purpose.  I want everyone in the world to know that we are OK.  We are all OK, whatever we have experienced in the past has made us who we are today, which is brilliant, fabulous and divine.  Besides, this ridiculous (yet miraculous and perfectly ordered) cultural paradigm that tries to make sex nasty is failing at it – kids know that sensual energy is healing and fun and so we try it!  We try it young!

So when I thought back to those days, I could remember caressing young barely there breast out of a desire for experience; but touching grown ass woman breasts – I dun know?  And why was I over thinking, hubby hadn’t said, let’s go to bed and make love! He simply said, “ladies, it’s late – you can’t drive home, stay and rest…”

So rest my mind I did, and I got into my bed.  I wanted to shout out – NOOOOOOO! I was thinking “honey I want you tonight.  You already gave her some.  Make her go!”  But I did not.  I tried to analyze my thought patterns first.  I have long since given up the first response bull crap.  That first response, reaction to life, modality is totally for the masses.  No offense, but I am not prone to act on my first response.  I know that I have two minds – the ego and the self.  The self is my higher self, the self has no likes or dislikes, the self knows the perfect solution to all conflict, the self is not moving based on emotion.  I try to give the self time to add input before allowing ego to belt out some curse words… Besides, I don’t curse right.  Never got that skill too well mastered.

In the bed, things were OK.  I lay there trying to put away my desire to make love.  How could that happen anyway with another person here?  Soon this young lady began to cuddle with hubby, even though he was facing me.  I got up and headed to the children’s room.  Half way to my son’s bed, hubby called me back.  “Kenya, where are you going, come back”.  OK – Yes Honey…

Back in the bed hubby tried to comfort me.  He had been facing me all along,  but now he began to do the energy work on me.  He relaxes me with tantra often, but tonight I was really tense… (Here is a video of he and I doing a Tantra workshop… the young lady is a volunteer from the audience who had never received tantra healing prior)

The tantra begin to take effect.  He was giving me an aura massage.  He was making my body melt inside without touching me.  I felt the potential for deep orgasm rise as his hands filled my outer auric field.  YUM!  But I could not let out the moan, I could not let out the sign, I tried to hold it in so as not to cause a stir with this girl listening.  I was oddly embarrassed to respond to my husband in my own god damned bed!

This angered me, but I smiled automatically and without recourse as the feelings made me relax deeper and then I look up for a moment and she too is giving me healing energy work – four hands in my aura, working me out, bringing me up… lifting me higher than I was willing to soar at the moment…

NO!  I would not open.  My smile jumped and tempted me and begged me to give more.  Energy coagulated, hormones formulated spellbinding juices in my mind, my body wanted to bellow!  I felt I could not hold back the experience of good feelings any longer, I got up and belted into the bathroom!  Once there,  behind closed doors, my movements came out.  The energy they had given me was enormous.  I moved like a mermaid in water, I let out tiny breaths to release the large moans I had bottled up.  I gripped my womb to calm the churning of deep Universal love rising.

Calm again.  I went back to bed.  No one asked any questions.  I could tell my hubby was mad that I hadn’t responded to the session.  He probably wanted to show off how well he has me turned out on his love (which is so yummy that I can’t even write about it on my blog – mostly because I am not present – I go to heaven – OMG, pure deep bountiful satisfaction is what this man offers, and what I have created with him, whenever I desire it – he is there for me and we are ONE.  Wasn’t all ways this way, but I have done the work on ME in order to free the love in HE!)

Silence.

Well, not all the way silent.  Sister love was in the bed tossing and turning with the sheer energy of the tantra work.  That happens.  In our workshops, women often begin to respond to the female volunteer who is receiving tantra on the table   Just as women’s menses synchronize, so do our orgasms.  (we don’t know about that because in this culture we don’t do that).  However, it is true.  Ladies,  you always know when you lover is with someone else, right?  You are essentially ONE with him and when he is “out” you feel his pleasure.  Just that simple.  yes?

Sorry guys – we always know the deal.  Point is, why should we care as long as you honor our contract and love us the ways in which you’ve promised…  Right?  Soon come a change, a bright new day is on the way!

I was embarrassed, the silence told on me.  I am the queen of bliss going cold in my own bed with my hubby just because of anger at this situation.  So I left the house this time to pull myself together, maybe have a clove.  Hubby followed – GOOD!  Got his attention.  In the hall we spoke.  He asked me if I was OK.  I told him I was having trouble with this.  He patted me on the back.  He wanted me to flow and let go and grow… That is my job in the relationship and his too.  He confirmed that he had never done this before and was just as disoriented as I… He assured me that we’d explore this together just as we have always done and that he was truly there for me.  He asked me if I wanted to her leave?  NO… NO.

Back in bed he worked on me again.  I couldn’t even have good feelings this time.  Tired, and shut down, the tantra put me to sleep.

7:00 AM – sister love leaves, kids return, all is good.  My thoughts are of regret.  This could have been a beautiful opening into a new paradigm.  Its not that I would have had to touch a woman or even do something sexual with her, it’s just the feeling of sharing on a new level, spiritual bonding that I had chosen to miss out on…  I wanted it now, but too late.

What I believe for sure is that we never miss opportunity.  Opportunity comes again and again until we take advantage of it.  But that’s cheery me and my cheery theories.  Next time, I will be ready, ready for life, ready to truly live without fear or anger…

BTW – I called my husband’s friend the next day and told her all about how I was feeling.  We have a good working relationship, growing all the time.  Isn’t that the point of life?  Growth is good.

“Once you have started seeing the beauty of life, ugliness starts disappearing. If you start looking at life with joy, sadness starts disappearing. You cannot have heaven and hell together, you can have only one. It is your choice.” – Osho

Bliss to you!

Juju xoxoxox