Jujumama's Love Academy

WOW!  This is the first year in 14 years that I did not have birthday sex.  Usually I trip about the entire thing.  This year, I have evolved…  My husband was out doing a tantra session after our HUGE DC Event last night.  The Sexiest Seminar went long in DC and then we had an after party on U Street.  Fabulous!

After the after party, there was a woman who wanted a personal tantra session.  My husband reluctantly asked me if it was OK to do this on my birthday, I suppose he recounted the years I have gone completely ballistic when he ignored my conditioned behavior pattern of wanting sex specifically on my birthday.  He recalls the times I tripped out when it didn’t seem to be forthcoming.  He seemed fearful in the asking, but I said YES.  YES, go and have a session with this lovely young lady.  This is your job…

And I was fine.  I went out with another young lady, a good friend of mine, and we sat outdoors at Starbucks and talked all night!  Finally when I went to bed at 5:00 AM after walking our Min Pins, I was proud of myself.  I hadn’t tripped, hubby wasn’t home yet, and I slept.  Amazing!

To most this seems mundane, but to me, knowing my ‘stuff’ and owning my ‘stuff’ I feel totally evolved!  There was a time when I had a conditioning about sex on certain days and at certain times.  For instance, if we were staying in a hotel, there should be sex; New Year’s Eve, sex; of course birthdays (his and mine) sex sex sex; and I really wanted sex on demand after a date with him or when celebrating success.  Not only did I want sex on these days and times, I wanted HIM to want it just as I did.  If he were to sleep or plan something else, I would lose my peace completely!

There isn’t really a problem with these conditionings except that if it were not possible, say we spent New Year’s at our parents, or we found ourselves apart for one of these days, maybe he was on a business trip or whatever, I would lose my temper and become upset.  So now, I feel that I am growing out of it!  Finally.

This is The Progressive Relationship© at work.  Sure I could blame him for being insensitive to my needs.  He should just know that I want sex and provide it, right ladies?  But I know better…  I know that the purpose of my relationship is growth – the benefit is love.  SO I will always be tested to come beyond my comfort zone.  And when I do, I learn to stand peacefully and accept a new way of looking at life, a new idea about what should be, and a new persona arises from the ash…  It works this way for all of us and for all of our conditioned behavior patterns.

We all come with a package of old thoughts, ideas, beliefs and ‘must haves’ to our relationships… growing beyond these, to the point where it does not effect us adversely when we do not have ‘our way’, is the very stuff that relationships are made for.  Some call it compromise, I think that word is too light.

I am not compromising with my husband when I can’t have sex on a date that I am conditioned to want sex.  I am giving up the OLD, Controlling, parts of me (or I may be choosing to not give up that part of me).  When I get outside of the comfort zone I can choose to give up the part of me that is pre-wired for this or that habit to continue.  In giving this up, I am also releasing attachments to having everything my way.  In releasing old attachments, I become flexible, lean, conscious and evolved…

Does this mean that I will never have birthday sex again!  NO!  It simply means that I will never lose my composure ~ indeed, my peace ~ when circumstances or his choices make it impossible.  I used to be OK with circumstances making it impossible, but if he directly CHOSE not to give it to me, or chose to do something else instead, I fumed.  This fuming causes illness in the mind, body and spirit.  I don’t want illness – so I grow.

Thanks everyone who sent lovely messages to me for my birthday on Facebook!  You ROCK!  And thanks to my husband who is so kind, sweet, strong and masculine!  You ROCK!  And thanks to the higher parts of myself ~ I finally see the freedoms my choices can create!  I choose my emotional state, it does not choose me… Thus I am FREE!

Muah!

xoxoxox