Hay kids!  Yesterday I wrote a post and explained exactly what happenes to “prize winning” pussy.  Today I found this real life story that proves my point.  The only difference is that this one wasn’t slaughtered after the fair!  This man (her very own Charlotte) actually managed to save her… and restore her Yoni back to her… but most women (stuck in the pussy as a prize reality) would say she is a fool.  What do you think?

INDECENT PROPOSAL

[Re-post from www.mensfitness.com by Mimi Valdes]
Kevin johnson* always knew he’d marry a “good girl.” He wasn’t looking for a virgin, but he wanted someone who’d only been with a couple of guys. “A whole bunch of dudes who could say they’d had my wife? That wasn’t going to happen,” he says.

In the meantime, the 30-year-old music executive from Atlanta did his thing with countless women. “They say the ratio of girls to men down here is like 9-to-1, and I took full advantage. Sometimes more than one girl at a time,” he says, laughing. Always believing he would stop once he met the right girl, he never considered he might miss this carefree lifestyle. “I thought being a horny dog would get it out of my system, making it easier to be faithful once I got married.”

He met his wife, Lisa,* in church, of all places, after his sister dragged him there one Sunday. “She was sick of hearing all my crazy stories and wanted me to settle down and have some kids so she could be an auntie,” says Kevin. He says it was love at first sight, and within six months he and Lisa were engaged. They married six months later.

Lisa, then a 23-year-old receptionist, had had only one prior sexual partner—just as Kevin had envisioned. “I loved that she was so beautiful and wholesome. She was everything I dreamed of,” he says. Except her inexperience showed—she wasn’t exactly an expert in the bedroom. Kevin tried teaching her, but it was di∞cult and awkward, and it just made her uncomfortable. “She couldn’t let go,” he says. “Deprogramming a good girl was harder than I thought.”

Determined not to give up, he wondered if she’d be down to allow other women in their bed to show her. “Man, I know it sounds crazy, but she was so worried I was going to leave her—even saying things like she wouldn’t be surprised if I cheated on her, given my player background,” says Kevin. “It was almost like she was giving me permission since she didn’t think she could please me.”

He brought up the idea carefully, stressing that he didn’t want to exclude her from his sex life and that he would never leave her. By this time, he also realized that giving up the occasional ménage à trois was easier said than done. “She listened, was quiet for what seemed like a long time, but then she said yes,” says Kevin.

“I was a little hurt, but he was so sincere; I felt a responsibility to my husband to at least try,” says Lisa, who admits her willingness surprised her. “The rules were clearly drawn. The girls knew I was the queen, the one he had chosen, so they couldn’t compete with me on that. And the way my husband controlled the situation, I felt very empowered, like I was directing the whole thing.” She says she felt comfortable learning from the different women and actually enjoyed watching them please her husband. “Seeing firsthand how other women experience their sexuality has freed me from my hang-ups,” says Lisa.

Now that he’s created a freak, does Kevin worry she might try out her new moves with someone else? “I’m really hoping she doesn’t, but what can I do if she wants to? She’s handled my issues like a trooper,” he says. “I’m gonna have to do the same.”

(Thoughts?)

I hereby declare:  NO woman’s pussy is a prize.  All right, all right… before you get worked up… forget about it.  Let me rephrase…  I hereby declare that MY pussy is not a prize… nope.  Not anymore.  There.  Is that more digestible?  Somehow for those who like to think of Pussy as a Prize to a man/men or to the world – whichever – you might feel more comfortable if I do this declaration for myself only.  LOL!  Good… Let me explain why I have officially taken my pussy off the auction block…  And then let me tell you what my pussy is and is not.

For a very long time in my youth, I was told by elder women that “virginity” is a prize.  I was fed the idea that boys need to feel that they “cannot get the milk for free” or they would never commit.  I was told that boys know which girls are “doing it” and that they have less respect for these girls.  I was told, most importantly, that my pussy is a prize for a man, and most respectfully, the highest bidder… or at least the one who earns his way into my panties with his promise of life long love (and a ring of course).  I was taught that I had to make a man deserve my sex, and that if I did not, I would have a bad reputation and become a ‘whore’ in the eyes of my peers for life.

Worse yet, if I actually enjoyed the act of sex with men, and let that become common news, I’d be considered a common girl, used up and worthless…  “No man wants a used up woman” save yourself, be a prize for the man who deserves your pussy.  Make him sweat for it and make your stuff something to cherish and respect.  Didn’t your mother warn you in these same ways?

Well that was when I was just a girl… and now I’m a grown arse woman and the same alarm clock buzzes in my sub-conscious awareness:  My pussy is a prize… But today, September 2010 – I declare:  NO MORE!  Here’s why:

So there are two ways to look at this, if we must face it.

Mother was either saying

A. That my pussy must be “prize winning pussy” to get the best man.

Or

B.) That the pussy IS “The prize”!  Like the pussy is a blue ribbon to be placed around the fattest pig at the fair!

In either case.  I decline.

Besides the obvious reasons.  I decline this thinking for many reasons.

Let’s begin with example A ~ Lets say that I am the woman who possesses a “Prize Winning Pussy”.  So my pussy, like so many other pussies, are lined up on a stage like so many pigs… nice.  Male judges assess which looks cleanest, neatest, nicest; which is  the one that has not been fucked, the one that has not been licked, the one that reads the Holy Bible when yearning for penetration instead of – Oh Heaven FORBID – enjoying penetration!  The Prize Winning Pussy is the one that has been most well preserved due to non-use.

Why would I want a pussy like that?  What kind of pussy is “prize winning pussy”?  Let’s dive deeper…

For men and for our mother’s, they saw “Prize Winning Pussy” as the one that had not been ‘violated’ by pre-mature dick – the one that hadn’t been touched by even the hands of the body belonging to that pussy… the one that hadn’t moistened panties – EVER – the one that hadn’t cum yet…  The one that was pure, virginal, waiting to be taken with no knowledge of what that meant… humble, meek, pious, innocent…  but guess what?  Somebody forgot to ask the all important question when designing the boundaries and protocols of the most important part of a woman’s anatomy…

Does “prize winning pussy” know how to cum?

Oh cum on.  You know the answer to that question already!  How could ‘prize winning pussy’ know how to cum?  It’s kept in a glass jar, or o a pet re dish, to be seen and not heard, admired and not touched, thought of but never experienced.  It’s kept alive and free from rot with the very formaldehyde of erroneous belief that created it… like a pickle it is crisp and dead.  “Prize Winning Pussy” is Dead meat in more ways than one!  And so what if it doesn’t know how to come, it’s PRIZE WINNING!  It won’t live long after it’s crowning glory…

And you know I’m right, this is not Charlotte’s Web, ladies, wake up!!  That “prize winning pig” (pussy in this case) is ALWAYS slaughtered after the fair.  Don’t you get that?  Of course you do…

So what happens when a woman places her pussy in a contest to win a prize this way, and believes the hype about the prize she thinks she’ll win? Well, look around, she wins the damned blue ribbon!  Yay!  She accepts the idea that once a man gets it that he is the one who will teach it, keep it, love it, need it, and OWN it forever more.  And in the beginning, she is right.  But there is one issue with “Prize Winning Pussy”, again, it’s a set up for slaughter.  And even Charlotte, with all of her magic, can’t save the damned pig from murder!

The women who try to keep her prize winning pussy in check after the fair, safe from slaughter – you know,  by being a “good girl” not getting moist while watching Boris Chestnut Movies, or keeping her composure while reading romance novels, refusing to have sex from the back, and denying that she has ever had the thought of another man – EVER!!  She keeps it clean and flushed, she tells him it is only for him,  and she believes it too!  She trusts him to “bring” her pleasure and to train that pussy well.  And beleive me, he tries to live up to this, I mean why not, this pussy has a blue ribbon!!  He tries to be her Charlotte and keep her alive.  But it’s a huge responsibility, one that gets heavy over time…

And even with all the trying, that “Prize Winning Pussy” is steady asking, prize and all, who’s PUSSY am I?  And of course she says – “you are HIS pussy”, he smiles for the moment, and that prize winning pussy goes back into solitary confinement waiting for this man to unlock the jail cell, opps, I mean glass jar.  And beleive me he wants to, but once a prize winning pussy always a prize winning pussy.

Meanwhile this woman, yeah the one with the prized pussy, grows colder and colder, older and older, waiting for her man to enliven her, when he is actually growing colder and colder, older and older,  waiting for this prize pussy to perform for him… and the bedrooms grows darker and darker as no one claims that poor pussy.  Now his soft dick is over there laughing, like “yeah” thinking he got his, when in actuality he is getting just as much non-pleasure from this prize pussy as the lost pussy is getting itself.

The dick and the prize pussy start playing games of “who can be without whom the longest and still smile when the neighbors come over…” The kids born from this prize pussy – probably a c-section cause the prize pussies be putting up a fight when delivery time comes… no flex baby – the kids are wondering, does mommy kiss daddy, does daddy love mommy and why don’t they (don’t they?) see it…?? All they see is the coldness of loveless union…  And so the cycle continues!

So it is around this time that someone needs to go – something has to be slaughtered.  This relationship just isn’t working!

Life becomes stressful and that damned blue ribbon is starting to fade baby.  Slaughter time is around the corner…  and Charlotte is grown and gone to college.

But before we get to the inevitable end of that scenario, when the woman has to Eat Love and Pray to “find herself” again,  let’s take a look behind door “B” where the pussy IS the prize.

So let’s say mom was right… (and I promise, this is going to be better than option “A” where the pussy is “prize winning”)  giggle.  In this new scenario, the pussy IS the prize.  The man is the fat pig, or well developed animal, to win the prize!  Yay!  So this well developed animal is on the hunt, and of all the pussy out there, he EARNS the Blue Ribbon!  He gets the girl who embodies the idea of a trophy… a prize.  You know her, right?  I mean the pussy has not been touched, licked, pummeled, beaten, spanked, torn, fingered, dangled in a face, placed on sideburns, braided, laced, whipped, stretched or even LOOKED at – EVER – by anyone, except your friendly neighborhood gynecologist.  I mean this bitch has never even placed a tampon into that prize of a pussy.  So this well bred animal of a man is HAPPY!  He places this blue ribbon pussy around his neck!

YAY!

He gets pussy that is a prize.  He dismissed all those other pussies that are not blue ribbon pussies, the ones he would not take home to mammy.  You know the ones he had been in love with before, the ones he loved to have sex with, the ones he really enjoyed talking to, drinking with, sharing his wildest dreams and fun with, oh no no NO…  he passed them by, why?  They were not blue ribbon pussies, and he was a well bred animal deserving, for certain, a blue ribbon to place around his neck…

What he failed to examine is that there is caution to be taken when placing items around ones neck. He did not think of it.  He got his blue ribbon, and now with this ring they thee wed!  Oh so beautiful – a blue ribbon wedding!

Now everyone knows what you do with a trophy, right?  You sit that bitch on a shelf and just look at it.  I mean, come on?  You look at em, show em off when friends come over, place them into a scrap book with all the other scraps of a life spent obtaining them.  You working for them (like mother said these nasty men had to do to get the goods) and then you showcase them.  LOL!

And then here you are… That delicious blue ribbon is on a shelf.  There you sit.  You thought he’d take that ribbon and do what with it?  Did you think he’d sleep in the bed with a blue ribbon?  And you forgot one more very important thing… This pig will be slaughtered!  So the very man you graced with your blue ribbon of a pussy will be slaughtered!  The irony is that he will be slaughtered by the noose of your pussy tight around his neck – and I don’t mean in a smooth 69!

Why?  I mean How?  How could this happen.

I’ll tell you why and how.  Its because that blue ribbon is a woman, a woman desires more than being a trophy on the shelf, a woman desires love and lust and sensual bliss and she must have it.  She wants to be embraced and given more than gifts to keep her shiny, she desires partnership in delightfully luscious love that unfolds into more and more each day.  And guess what?  She was TOLD she would get that if she became a blue ribbon.  But instead she finds you looking to the same women who you couldn’t take home to mammy… the nerve!!!  And as for HOW you’ll perish?  Her pretty blue ribbon self becomes the noose around the neck of the man who thought she was a trophy (because she thought she was a trophy too – she goes insane over confusion like Sybil).  She strangles him because she can.  She closes his air passages because he closed hers, and so did society, by attempting to place her on a pedestal and into a glass case.  And worse yet, she allowed all of this when she KNEW there was no air in a glass case!  And every human being needs to be able to exhale…  right?

So there you have it.  I have told you what my pussy is not.  But I bet you are wondering then, what IS your pussy then, Kenya?  Right?  If not a prize… is it a gift?  Yes yes a gift!!!  Is that it Kenya?

Nope.  Not a gift either.  A gift is something to be given away, When I make love I am in receptive mode… I am receiving bliss! That is my action step, as an awakened woman – to receive.  Now before you fuss…  Sure, I am giving vicariously, but it is my man who is giving during sex.  YES!  I said it and will say it again:  It is the man who is the giver during sex, have you seen sex lately?

And yes, he receives vicariously… right?  But his action step is giving.  And he wants nothing more than to have me in orgasmic trance.  My delight makes his flight every time!  (But only Tantra men know this… giggle)

It doesn’t really matter, I guess, whether you feel me or not.  What I am saying is about me and my Yoni.

I’ll tell you more about what my Yoni is.  My Yoni is TRUTH and I share truth with any person who I desire to reveal truth to.  My yoni is enlightenment, I share light with whomever I desire to share it with… I magnetize enlightened others to share this sacred light with.  My pussy is Heaven.  I can go to heaven with whomever I please.  My pussy cannot be used up, worn out, torn apart or disintegrated in anyway.  My pussy is beyond your world of things, it is a gift from what you call God to me… it is the pearly seat of Inner Goddess, a creative force in the world.  My pussy/womb can be pregnant with babies or with ideals; new realities!!!  And no one has to cut anything out of me… I birth beautifully with this flexible pussy.  I can birth things for all of us, any of us, and I can choose from the large array of worthy beings around me to impregnates this pussy at any given moment.

My pussy is orgasmic.  My pussy can cum with streaming liquids – sacred liquids – released over and over again from the waterfalls within.  My pussy can open my entire being to bliss, my pussy is in every cell of my body, every movement of mind, every opening where synapse happens!  My pussy leaks light filled liquid from all of my pores, connects me to the divine, IS divine and is not mine.

My pussy belongs to the Goddess in me, and she alone chooses her foods to be savored and enjoyed forever more… My pussy is something that has to be defined by me, over and over again… or not.  She is an extension of my most sensual, spiritual, self; an opening to the infinitude of worlds within, a connection from me to anyone whom I choose to contact.  I can speak to animals, trees, plants, rocks, rivers and oceans with my pussy.  And I can speak to God with her/me.  In fact I am speaking to God when I make love and my pussy has ears to hear God, eyes to see God, a mouth to taste God, and nose to smell the sweet fragrance of the divine… I can feel Goddess in my womb, I can house and birth her into the world when I must.  And I choose to often.

Oh yes, I choose.

(Talking to my conditioned parts) —>> So leave me alone with the ribbons, trophies, pigs, and webs that say HUMBLE.  My pussy is anything I decide it to be, with whomever I decide to enjoy it with, even myself.  My pussy is submitted to the men who gives her that sweet electricity.  And she knows that even without the men, even with other men, she can always share love – there is infinite love waiting for my sweet pussy.  And I am receptive to my men – my YIN or YONI is receptive to YANG.  SO she moistens naturally without anything from CVS.  And these men do not have to see her as a prize or a gift or a pig with a blue ribbon.  They can simply see me as a reflection of self – Yin to their Yang.  If they don’t like it, they would not be in it.  If they don’t love it, she would not even be visible to them.  My pussy exists only to those who match her healthy, beautiful, blissful, harmonious, peaceful vibration…

I thought I knew this already.  But apparently I have to reiterate.  Thanks for hearing… xo

Kenya K Stevens

I couldn’t sleep last night.  I woke up around 3:30am with this realization about myself.  Well, it wasn’t so clear it was a realization about myself because it had to do with a conversation I had earlier that night.  It wasn’t the topic of the conversation so much as what wasn’t said and it wasn’t so much what wasn’t said as the way it wasn’t said.  Ever talk to someone and you steer the conversation in such a way as to not even go toward the topic that you don’t want to lie about overtly or face or be confronted with?  And you could be having a deep conversation about some really personal stuff and be going there and getting all emotional and everything, but you purposefully steer the conversation away from something you don’t want to deal with yet or ever for that matter.  And not only do you steer the conversation away from that topic or reality, but you use anesthesia on the person.   Yeah, anesthesia.  You know, it’s like giving them this intense painkiller or sleeping medication so they won’t sense or even feel what you are steering them away from.  It’s like the movie Inception^TM where they go into someone’s mind and plant a subconscious belief about a reality they want that person to accept without the person even knowing it.  Good movie by the way.

[Content protected for Extendedfamily members only]

Several weeks ago we made a very profound one hour recording about how to deal with adultery.  If your spouse has had external love affairs and you feel stuck in the mire of trying to repair or rebuild your relationship – this recording is for you!

As you know, here at the JujuMama Love Academy we believe in Progressive Thought around love and relationships.  Progressive thought will aid you in healing yourself from the toxic thoughts of shame and blame, and victims and villains.  You are not a victim in your relationship, even when there have been extra marital affairs.  We can prove it!  Ad we do prove it in this amazing one hour audio on the topic.

There is life after adulturey and there is most certainly LOVE after adultery.  Listen to this call if you want a new perspective on the topic!

Love and Light to you!

(Audio recording can be obtained by becoming a member of this blog – go to http://jujumamablog.com/signup/ basic membership is FREE!)

Click Here to listen to the audio | Healing the Pain of Adultery

Leave your comments here… xo

You know I love email… unfortunately we receive too many questions to answer here… but we did choose to take these here on the blog!  Thank you Writer!!

Dear Kenya

I have been reading your blog for several months now and began following you and your husband on twitter recently. At first I thought this method of intimate relating was somewhat of a hoax, or cult of some sort. How could I possibly love two men or more and watch them love others as well simultaneously and not feel wronged, or in the wrong? I say this knowing that I have had feelings like this in the past and suppressed them in an effort to be the good Christian woman that I was conditioned to be. You have written extensively about your journey and I have a few questions to ask.

Had you come to this revelation prior to marrying – would you have remained single?

Kenya K Stevens: I can’t know that.  I did not know about this before I was married.

The point of our Progressive Love Movement is that love progresses… there is never a point when a couple just releases all challenges and rides happily into the sunset.  One thing is for certain in a relationship and that is change.  My husband came to me and told me about his desire to have other women at year ten.  I had two options at that point, flip out with rage, and take my kids and leave; or welcome the change.

The change was a difficult one (click any archived post from 2008 or 2009) for me at first because I thought there was something I was not doing that would make him desire other women.  But then I recalled my desire for other men, and although I would never follow the desire, it was always there, even in my fantasy world.  And he wasn’t saying he did not love me, he was saying he loved me and wanted to love more… it took me two years to understand that as TRUTH.  But the point is and always will be that I welcome change.  I had already witnessed ten years of his changes and mine.  I knew well that what I desired at age 21 is not what I desired at age 31 and so he has that same right.

Fortunately, my husband never cheated on me, so I was more than willing to hear him out.  Also I was fortunate enough to know that he would never even have come to tell me if I had not made him feel comfortable telling me the truth about his authentic feelings.  I had been practicing for some time just hearing him rather than judging him as I had for the first eight years…

So if I had known about this before marriage, I can’t say that I would or would not have married him.  But I am most certainly glad I did marry my very best friend and life partner, Rakhem Seku (Carl).

Writer’s Question:  Some Native American groups and other Nomadic people choose to have a contractual agreement with their partners.  I understand that.  But, I mean does open relating go against monogamy or does monogamy and polyamory coexist?

Kenya K Stevens:

This is an interesting idea.  I feel that mono~harmony and polyamory co-exist.  I am mono~harmonious with my husband, meaning I am more than willing to love him and only him and he is willing to love me and only me for life.  AND I am willing to love him forever no matter who he loves and he is willing to love me forever no matter who I love.  Either way it goes, we are one.  We have a mono~harmonious union.  (I talk about Mono-Harmony here – Members Only)

So I guess that what I am saying is that monogamy is not the operative word because human beings are not monogamous.  Monogamy means that a human would desire to mate with one partner for life and never have eyes for another.  This is never how human beings have functioned, so we are serial monogamous at best.

Human beings are meant to love everyone.  I love everyone.  Just because I am mono-harmonious with my mate for life, doesn’t mean that I can’t fall in love with other men and for him other women.  This does not take away from or add to our mono-harmonious union and we have vowed to be together for life; to witness one another’s lives.

I like the way the Native people did things.  The marraige contract was sound and included one man and one woman for life, but sex was not a part of that agreement, nor was love.  Love and sex belonged to the community, men and women were free to love and have healing (sex) anyone they wanted.  This did not take away from or add to the mono-harmonious unions.

Question: Is this something to explore once in a committed relationship or is this a good foundation to put in place prior to?

Kenya K Stevens: Well, if partner want to talk about opening the marriage before the marriage, that is a fine goal to aspire to, but in my opinion it should not happen in the beginning.  In my opinion it could take up to seven to ten years to truly become one with your life partner.  I firmly beleive that open relating cannot be explored until there is a sound primary union.  My husband and I teach a course on Mastering Mono-Harmony.  In this course we stress the importance of mastering the union of duality before exploring other unions.  This is paramount to the success of open relating.  Here is the path to Mastery as far as JujuMama’s Love Academy is concerned:

1. Gender Harmonics
2. Sensual Harmonics
3. Progressive Harmonics
4. Integrative Harmonics

I will give you an example of why it is important to master all four of these levels above before opening a marriage.  This summer I was deeply in love and living with my boyfriend.  At the end of the summer,when my boyfriend broke up with me (juicy details here for members only) I had to be able to work my husband back in as my primary lover.  For nine months, my boyfriend was my primary lover.  My sex life with my husband waned, and we were more like best friends.

If we were not skilled in relating to one another, he would have been insanely jealous that I had another man who I spent more intimate time with than him!  Same on my side, because I know that my husband is committed to me for life, and that nothing will erode our vows to one another (which is not something that even most monogamous couples can say), and that we choose partnership for life, I am not upset or jealous when he loves another.  Even if feeling come up, they are something I can discuss with him, and he can comfort me and vice versa.

Recall that the basis of jealousy is fear.  So essentially I do not fear that he will leave me or toss me aside.  I feel so secure that the normal human jealousy is overridden when he has a lover or I have a lover.  This took time, patience, energy, sacrifice and hard work.  This security and love needs to be in place before a couple can open the relationship.  It took years of hard work and dedication and commitment on both our parts.

Question: My second question is a little embarrassing.

Your husband once said on twitter that he did not need to be in the same city with a female client “to make her completely orgasmic”, you yourself always seem to be blissfully satisfied. As if you love multiple times daily. In all honesty it’s the type of feeling I long to maintain. Not just experience momentarily as it slips away immediately after orgasm. I am fresh out of a very long relationship that should have resulted in a happy marriage but instead has ended in a bitter separation. It’s not something I want to repeat. I am getting no younger and with three children (daughters) I realize that being inflexible, controlling and closed off due to worry are not going to get me the type of happiness I want and deserve. So, all that said *I am long winded forgive me* how do I learn this from California?

Kenya K Stevens:

Yes, my husband can and has many times made a woman completely orgasmic via phone sessions.  And yes, any man can do this when he knows how to use energy healing to produce effects instead of tension sex.  This is the point we are trying to make, Americans have not learned what sex is, it has more to do with energy than physical sensation, and this e learned from Shantam Nityama.  The sessions he does are very powerful healing sessions for women in which they do become powerfully orgasmic and satisfied.

If you would like to have a distance tantra session with my husband – go here and order one http://jujumama.com/services.cfm The session is called Feminine Rebalance and it is four hours long… You will love it!

My disposition is one of consistent bliss, even when my heart is broken, my funds are low, my kids are acting up or whatever because I know that joy comes from within.  I can become completely orgasmic without touching my body in any spot!  I can do it on a moments notice.  This has come with learning and incorporating tantra skills and spiritual principles.  These principles are to be lived, not intellectualized, so you’d have to see for yourself!  xo

Question: Kenya please teach me your secret!

I did a recording a few months ago about how to achieve female orgasm and ejaculation.  You can obtain that recording 2 hours and slides here.  DEEP TRANCE ORGASMIC BLISS FOR WOMEN

Final Thought from Writer: Reaching out is a huge step for me in a very new direction. Exciting as it is, this new concept is very scary for me and unlike anything I’d consider just 6 months ago.

Thank you

Anonymous

Thank You!!

OMG!  Some people are asking me – Kenya K – what is the Progressive love movment?  What is going on with that?  Is that the Open Love thing, or what? Oh boy!  NO!  The Progressive Love MOvement is the hottest, most beautiful, most luscious way to process relationships in the modern world!  You have to check out the four principles of Progressive Love to know for yourself what this means…

So today I am sharing an audio which is one full hour all about JujuMama’s Progressive Love Movement.

Enjoy this lovely one hour audio leave your comments about Progressive Love, which we are sure you’ll love!

xo

Bliss and Light Members!

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Be sure to leave a comment

1. I am way more sexual than any man I know.  (I have known this since age 12)
2. I long to have men accept my full and authentic sensual self (means I have to accept her)
3. Race is not important to me (well, I already knew that too)
4. My waist is my most erogenous zone (that hand on her waist makes me burst inside)
5. Even if the models are gay, I would still be turned on (interesting thought)
6. I want men to be able to share me with no complaint whatsoever
7. I want my men to get along and although I don’t long for a threesome, or foursome in this case, this one looks hot.
8. I love being bare chested on top of a man… giggle
9. I want to spend more time in bliss and less tie working.  (who doesn’t, right?)
10. I like love marketing!!!  Sex sells because sex represents transcendence in the sun-conscious mind of even us, who have been socialized against being our most sacred, sensual selves… I see that here and it’s all good!

How does this picture make you feel?  And what are the ten things you realize about yourself based on the feeling?  Be honest baby.  This is JujuMama’s Blog – authenticity is honored.  xo

I LOVE marriage and am an advocate for Mono-Harmonious couples!  I have been married 14 years and I love the idea of having a life partner.  Today I have made time to write a piece that will answer any questions for those who desire to know what JujuMama LLC – a love coaching company – feels about Monogamy – today I respond in full… This is going to be fun!

Webster’s Dictionary Refers To Monogamy with three definitions:

Definition of MONOGAMY

In current usage monogamy often refers to having one sexual partner irrespective of marriage or reproduction.

Most individuals in Westernized countries are not Monogamous, but Serial Monogamist:

Serial monogamy is characterized by a series of long- or short-term, exclusive sexual relationships entered into consecutively over the lifespan.

Critics of monogamy, such as author and commentator Andrew Sullivan, argue that it involves a damaging self-denial that pushes people out of their natural instincts and that it can be psychologically damaging.

I am not a critic of Serial Monogamy or Monogamy.  But I do know that neither exists in Western culture.  Why do I say that neither monogamy or serial monogamy exists?  That’s simple, the practice of being sexually exclusive is not adhered to by anyone in this country, even when in a stated sexually monogamous or committed relationship, and I can prove it easily…

And keep in mind, I will also share my idea of how we can fix monogamy, with a my sustainable relationship model I introduce here, called Mono-Hamrony.  Read On!

So first to easily prove that none of us are monogamous, even serially…

The number one search term on the internet is SEX. Individuals who call themselves “exclusive” with their partner – which is most of us – are willing to put their sexual energy (the most powerful force in the world) into the hands of porn stars, escorts, strippers, romance novels, celebrity fantasies, social networking hook ups, and so forth.  Are we physically having sex with these entities?  No, we’re doing something even more intimate!  We’re allowing these images space in our mental realm – everyone who knows anything about the actual psychology of sex knows that sex is most importantly, an energy exchange.  So the modern human is sharing sexual energy with more people than ever before!  This goes for men and women, believe it or not.

For those who say, “ohhhh Kenya, this is bullshit, sex doesn’t matter unless there is physical touch”.  I feel for you.  It means you did not read your owner’s manual:  the mind does not know the difference between what is imagined and what actually happens. If you missed out on that, then you also might not be privy to the fact: what we think about, we bring about! So as long as I make love to porn movies, enjoy romance novels and literally get off to and with people other than my primary mate, I am literally in an act of sex with them, it’s safer sex sure, but it is sex nonetheless.

If you do not agree that sharing sexual energy with someone beyond a mate is “cheating” then you do not understand what sex is.  10% of sex is intercourse – the other 90% is the energetic exchange that, although invisible, is the most powerful, important and viable aspect of the sexual act, indeed, the most ‘intimate’ portion of the act.  With you and your partner sharing this intimate space with so many others, sometimes unknowingly, there is no wonder we have issues connecting!  I recall wanting an orgasm in my 20′s and having to think of a porn image to get off with my husband!  I had more connection to that PORN image than to the fact that I was in the bed with my husband.  Those connections are strong and real!

I, like you, like all of us, was sharing my mental/sensual energy outside my partnership,  I literally had a sexual relationship with these outside forces, as do we all.  Thus, I was not living the very principles that would make me monogamous or even serially monogamous.  Right?

The underlying issue and reason for the mix up here is the fact that Western thinkers have discounted the idea that energy is real.  Our acute focus on the physical has created many inherent contradictions in our medicine, science, technology and cultural practices.  But this is a more involved point that we will discuss at length another time.

For our purpose today, let us focus on Monogamy and a new concept I created called Mono-Harmony…

Needless to say, human beings are not monogamous.  However, if we insist on using this word to describe our modern form of marital arrangement, then we have a predicament on our hands, expecially from the standpoint of looking at the stats, 66% of those married have cheated on a spouse.  It’s time to redefine the modern relationship to make it more sustainable.

My husband and I have created some preliminary ideas around marraige.  We call it Mono-Harmony.  Used as a adjective, human beings are Mono-Harmonic.  IE we crave one on one partnerships with other humans.  We enjoy the benefits and comfort of partnering.  Precluding desires for sex (which is not the basis of a mono-harmonic partnership) we desire to be supported, witnessed, connected to, and close to human beings in one on one relationships for the purpose of Growth.

What is growth? Growth is a soul level desire to expand oneself beyond the limitations of oneself.  Human beings desire to EXPAND.  We desire to evolve over the course of a lifetime.  This desire is hard-wired in the human being and will never be replaced by anything more powerful.  This desire to grow or expand creates the natural instincts we share:  desire for acknowledgment, desire for food and water, desire for shelter, desire for reproduction (pleasure).  <<— These four factor SUPPORT expansion.  IE without these, our capability to GROW is severely altered.

A young baby will die without these basic needs being met.  A baby who is not acknowledged properly (hugs, touch, cuddling) will become sullen and suffer decreased mental and physical health.  Same if he or she is not given the proper foods, shelter and of course the baby would not exist if he or she is born without reproductive capacity – btw babies can feel pleasure and do so when they have a bowl movement.  The pleasure principle and mini-orgasm is a part of the removal of bowls.  For babies, this is the first orgasm and will advance to the other forms of orgasmic capability.

So having a life partner/s who will support us in obtaining these four support tools to growth over the course of a lifetime is critical.  These needs should be consistently met for all human beings on the planet, or insanity or death (illness) result.  Case in point, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and other ailments are the most prevalent in cultures where the divorce rate is highest.  These illnesses are at their lowest in cultures that highly support one another mentally and physically and in cultures where there is communal love and nurturing environments.

So what!  Right?  SO we need these four building blocks to live a life where we GROW and EXPAND beyond ourselves constantly… so what!!!  What does this have to do with monogamy.  And what is Mono-Harmony???

We’re getting there… here, let this flower energy calm you down…

In more recent history, the idea that was born of these basic human needs is monogamy.  The “traditional” Western marraige is a young concept,  with an older parent principle.  Due to time we will not discuss that root here, but see Sex At Dawn: The Pre-Historic Origins of Modern Sexuality. The thesis is that monogamous marraige is something that developed in the age of agriculture and subsequent ownership of personal land.  Once land was in the hands of male property owners, the notion of owning this land after death came into play.  Men needed to know who their children were, and thus, needed to own a woman and ensure her sexual fidelity to himself.  The bloodline, which had been passed through the female for thousands of years prior, came to be passed through the male, hence your last name is that of your father, rather than your mother.  Monogamous Marriage was born!  (But at that same moment, prostitution was created by men who never intending monogamy for themselves)…

And so here we are, seeking new models for relating as Monogamy fails all around the world.  And NO – Mono-Harmony is not about having sex with many people.  But let’s see what it is about…

Enter the idea of Mono-Harmony…

Mono-Harmony is a concept JujuMama created, born of necessity, as traditional monogamy has proven unsustainable.  Keep in mind, Mono-Harmony is a concept based around the couples sexual choices (ie polygamy, “monogamy”, polyandry, polyamory etc) Men and women living in modern culture have attempted to live by this system and have continually failed.  The divorce rate stands at 69% in Australia, 57% in Europe and 55% in the USA.  The country with the lowest divorce rate is Shi Lanka with a divorce rate of just under 15%.  Cuba has the very highest divorce rate, standing at a whopping 77%!

What’s more stunning is that 95% of worldwide divorces are evoked by he wife!  I’d bet that 95% of those same marriages were evoked by the woman… giggle.

This speaks to the problem, let’s focus on the solution.

The reasons sited for divorces in the USA are many.  Here are the top four:

• Poor communication
• Financial problems
• A lack of commitment to the marriage
• Infidelity

We beleive that the top four causes of divorce are all eradicated when a couple practices Mono-Harmony.

Mono-Harmony has four parts:

1.  Gender Harmonics – understanding of the eight gender roles and adapting them into the union.

2.  Sensual Harmonics - understanding the tantra arts and using sex for healing and manifestation.

3.  Progressive Harmonics – understanding the purpose of relating and processing challenges through this lens.

4.  Integrative Harmonics – How to integrate these areas and USE these principles beyond intellectually.

So, the focus of the NEW Mono-harmonious couple is formulating a viable working unit to produce GROWTH or EXPANSION.

Recall that this is  a basic human need —->>> EVOLUTION

So when relationships do not evolve us, or when we are not allowing a relationship to evolve us, the relationship stagnates and then falls apart.  Hence, the staggering divorce rate…

Mono-Harmonics will prevent this!

Article To Be Continued…

Mono~Harmonics | The NEW Blue Print Part II

Currently JujuMama | Manifest Sexy Blog is under construction.  We’re excited to roll out the Full Launch of our new community blog and Love Academy!  We are confident you will be just as excited as we are once everything is in place here… What we need you to know is that we are working arduously to make sure our members can access everything you have always had access to, but with added benefits and great perks that had not been a part of your JujuMama Journey in the past! By September 21, 2010, our Love Academy will be fully functional! Early joiners will receive very special gifts and perks!  We already have so many fantastic members and we thank you for being a part of the Progressive Love Movement.  We can’t wait to provide MORE than ever before.  Please Pardon our Dust. If you have questions, please send email to mail@jujumama.com – We are happy to respond to your query. SPECIAL GIFT FOR FIST 50 MEMBERS —>>>  ORGANIC BLISS and TANTRA FOR WOMEN | AUDIO | SLIDES Register Today!!!

OK… so I’m not going to cry, I’m going to write.

This is a picture of my sweet men on my birthday, we’re live in the studio just after recording with Abiola.  So much has happened since then and it wasn’t until today that I could fully write it because I have now fully experienced it.  My heart is stable and my mind is right, for the first time in a week or so, since my boyfriend David caught a late night bus with me back to DC to drop me off with my family… we had all of my things that I’d kept at his house all summer.

Why were my things at his house, well, because I actually lived with him from July 1 – July 18.  On July 18, we took a bus to DC to meet my husband who had taken a flight from Mississippi, where he’d been staying with his girlfriend for the summer.  We met in DC for a Tantra workshop, one of the best I’ve ever conducted, with a room full of women clad in white and telling stories that seem to all run together about having shut off from sex, sexuality, sensuality and orgasm at a young age.

My men were there as we  women wept.  We cried together during rituals I conducted to all four gender archetypes.  We cried and laughed and loved and remembered to love in that small room in Maryland during the workshop.  My men caressed the women, held them energetically in tantric embrace as they melted into past stories to shift themselves, love themselves more deeply.  It was me who always said that love is infinite, it is and was and will always be me to say that our mates are mirrors and that we are reflecting them in so many ways, unbelievable ways that must be believed to be perceived and processed appropriately.

Now I see that I see.

My David, I guess I never spoke much about him, I never told the story of our love here, I gave bits and pieces as the entire story is way too much bliss to consume or render in writing in one sitting, even many.  So I gave what I thought was enough.  But now as I try to write about the end of us, I recall that I never wrote about the beginning of us and then it makes me sad to think of the story as a whole when I don’t feel whole on the inside…

So here goes… this is my longest post ever.  But I’m sure you won’t mind.  *wink*

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooBOn-RWw08]

This song suits the story well…

My David was an illusion I created for myself.  All of the people in my life are just that, from children to parents, from husband to girlfriend, you are my illusion, you are what I made to make myself know myself and love myself outside myself.  You are what I made to heal myself and remember my Goddess within.  I thank you.

But I find myself stalling in an attempt to hold back the tears… today when David and I finalized the break up it rained.  HARD.  And the thunder came in the very moment of the texts we sent confirming the inevitable… Me and my Thunder God – David – are done.

Men.

Men.

Men – OMG.

Men need some help with this open relationship piece…

Now that is not to say that women don’t need help.  Or maybe what I am saying is that I need help.

I’ll speak my mind and then analyze my words later.  That’s the only way to get this thing said…

He wanted me from the beginning.  He wanted me to be there with him and for him and he wanted me, David loved for me to enjoy him.  He needs lots of love and stroking.  His 23 years to my 36 years seemed counter intuitive at first, and I told myself to ignore the years.  I told myself to love the moment.  And I did.

He would come to me on Mondays, this was our day for Bliss.  We actually called it that and by January of 2010, we had initiated it.  We said it was Monday TLC, our day for love and four hours hugs.

He has a Korean girlfriend whose 39, I have a husband, so what more could we expect except a Monday afternoon together?

Mondays were good.  So good, they swiftly became Monday and Wednesday.  Mondays and Wednesdays were so sweet, they became texting and every day.. and it all just expanded! Visits with my family, Thursday nights at the club, and weekends longing for Mondays again… even the three of us, my husband, David and myself became close.

I hadn’t mentioned how the first three Mondays were just tantra touch, and meditation with candles and in-scents and intense touch healing.  I hadn’t said that I”d cried each of those Mondays as if I were making love to an old lover from beyond the veil.  I mean, without intercourse… just hearts touching, in my friends bed because the children were home at my apartment.  My husband was there, upstairs with them, and because David got off of work at 3:00 PM and the kids came home at 3:30 we had to be in another place, and I had to kiss them “happy home” make a snack for them and bolt to the door to see my sweet lover… but not lover, just touch partner…. healer at that time.

It wasn’t until the fourth Monday… when he came into my body with his.  It was not until February and we’d met way back when he was just 22 years old in November.  But it was before Valentines Day…  and I hadn’t ask him for it, but I must have desired.  I did desire, with my soul, all of me pouring out onto him made it already so likely, and then to be physically there, this was just a formality.  I had already dreamed this.   And in one single motion… he made me come undone.  I just tried to focus on the dancing candles but this man was becoming my twin flame.  The pulsating light streaming into my body from his was surreal, and I couldn’t know if I’d be able to handle this much longer… I was trying not to surrender.

I tried to focus on the door.

And then I realized there was nothing not to give… he hadn’t moved a muscle.  He just slowly became one with me, as if this were just simply meant to be, this one moment had me so delightfully afraid and awake then completely entranced that my fears became frozen in time… and left behind.  I went with him and he couldn’t let me say no.  I never even formed the word in my mind.  I said yes with everything in the world.  I tossed my fears into yesterday.  And even thought he hadn’t asked, I adored him there in that moment and I felt his intense adoration for me.  This found hour hug was amazing!

Now wait a minute, Yes!!  I am married and have been since age 21,  and YES I had sex before that.  I had sex with 80 boys before I left high school.  Shit.  I’ll tell it!  You know me… lmbo

But I have never in my life felt something so exquisite, and so smooth.  This was way more than I expected… and I hadn’t expected our friendship to come to this.  I grew two minds;  “Can this work?”  AND  “So what – I submit!”

So weeks earlier, it was a Monday too, he had been kissing me in the very place he was now opening to his energy and making his own – and in that kiss he had caused streams of river water to flow from my body.  He had been delighted, like a child… just awed by his achievement… and so now in this Monday,  it seemed he wanted more river water and he wanted it from the touch of his root polarity, not tongue.

And of course my focus on the door became an intense focus into this Thunder God chest above me, and my fingers running the boundless length and mountains of his bullet proof arms, became more than I could handle and even as he was not moving at all, I mean not a peep, not even talking or looking,  just kissing my arms and heart chakra in what seemed like a surrender to the heaven in me.  This entire transaction became way too sweet and I tried to maintain it, but a Goddess has to eat… I blossomed under him making rivers flow again… and I think he liked it.  My female release was a trophy to him.  Something he’d never experienced.

And Damn.  My friends bed was a mess.

Though we hadn’t moved a muscle, we decided that this was to be the beginning of a heavenly new world of bliss.  This experience was just rare.  Some call it new pussy?  I would call it new dick… but its way more.  I mean just way more than that.

So later, after we could speak again, we had to return to our Manhattan lives, but from that date, we could not stop needing one another.  We became like best friends… we’d lay in the bed at his house, my house where ever we could and talk, love, cuddle and kiss for hours, and for days sometimes!  But only when we had time and when my husband gave me permission to do so did we stay away so long.  We’d do tantra healing meditation on one another, always lighting the candles and using Buddha Lounge music that he loved.  He had the tunes and he’s tell me – “Kenya, I want the tantra” and I’d laugh because it sounded cute.

All winter we’d huddle together when I could get away from the phone consultations and the computer and the news and the radio interviews… and we’d love.  He was my son and my father and my king, and I was his everything.  His girlfriend was still there, and guess what?  Our affair actually made their relationship stronger, he told me so.  Our healing work was making him more of a man, for her!  But he still could not tell her about us because he did not allow her to date other men and she might get some “ideas”.  Worse yet, she might cut his mf dick off!  Bottom line.  Right?

But I didn’t care, his other lives were none of my business.  He was welcome in my world.  My kids and husband loved him because he was kind to them.  He’d bring groceries, play video games with the boys, bring medicine for my little baby girl.  He’d protect me and do whatever Rakhem Seku could not do, all my husband had to do was text him and ask favors… that’s all.  He’d be there.

Some might feel, well damn.  This is taking away from your relationship with your husband.  But for me, it never did.  I spent most nights with my hubby, not in the same sort of bliss David and I shared, but in a more refined, aged and mature format… my husband and I love like college sweethearts on a date – we’re always flirty and silly together – It’s very sweet.  So I had two ripe apples to munch at all times, these men were making me so beautiful and ready for spring.  I felt constantly fed and well take care of… And that – THAT – was my winter in Manhattan.

When spring came I got into trouble.  And this is the challenge that this post is all about.  This is serious.  David wanted me to become his exclusive lover. *record screeches off the needle* What?

To me it wasn’t impossible.  But I would want him to be a second husband if this was the case.  David does not ever want to be married, he doesn’t beleive in it.  But he also, and to my surprise, doesn’t beleive that his women should have any other men.  He was cool with my husband, and he respects that union, but he didn’t want me to have anyone else besides the two of them.

That was the challenge.

But wait, I hadn’t had anyone else!  What the hell was he talking about?

Spring> we were laying in my bed in Harlem.  He and I had began doing silly shit like having a glass of wine together in the night, just for fun, walking in the park after dark, and laying out with a blanket.  I think my husband was out of town visiting his college lover in NC.  But this night, the wine store was closed so he bought me a malt beverage of some sort.  Now if you know me, you know I can’t handle my liquor.  I remember giggling and hugging his Thunder God body under the night sky, going to heaven in my mind… that’s it.

The next morning, he told me I had admitted in my drunken stupor that I wanted men from all over the world taking care of me and protecting me and loving me.  He told me that I said I wanted kings all over the world… Now of course, it’s all true!  But I don’t recall saying these things to him.  And I hadn’t ever lied to him, he knows I am in an open relationship…

So apparently after I’d passed out drunk from one bottle of malt beverage (maybe a hard lemonade?) he went through my phone.  Now you know how I talk to everyone, everyone is my king and my hunni and I blow kisses all the time to everyone like this xoxox and not to mention the giggles that seem to be trending now…  He saw some texts that he did not like to my king Kahyr in North Carolina, and to my king Bunni in Miami, and to my other kings all around the world…  OMG!  But he was terrified and pissed…

The next day he broke up with me, that was in May of 2010.  I cried and cried… I told him that there is no way he should break up with me for something so silly.  I showed him tweet after tweet, of similar messages I’d sent to men who I do not even know!  Thank God he bought it, he could see that I loved him and was not trying to hurt him.

It came down to the fact that he did not want me to be open, but he wanted to be open.

Do I buy that?  At that time, I thought I did.  The love was just so good, that yummy body was just so tight, and that luscious energy was just so beautiful that I made him an offer.  I told my sweet David, “Look, I will give you one year.  I will be exclusive with you for a full year until you get used to the idea that we are both going to want and attain other lovers… and that doesn’t mean we discard one another.”  I tried to get him to see my vision, what is my vision?  Well, let me clarify:

My vision is that men and women should love.  We should have loving healers everywhere we go.  There should be no city we go to , no town, no where in the world where we can’t go to the home of our sweet darling and be secured, respected, cherished, touched, loved, and healed.  The purpose, in my vision, is that we humans have great gifts to share with one another.  Some times we need a particular energy or gift from a particular soul.  We should have access to whatever is needed when desired.  We should maintain those connections even from afar so that when anyone needs anyone else, they just call.  We should practice distance healing on one another… so for instance, even when David is a runway model in Paris, if he needs me, he can call, I can visualize for his success wheresoever he is, and then we can meet in Turks for a weekend of bliss when needed, or just enjoy spending weeks in my home or his… families and all!  This doesn’t detract from family units, but builds them up.  This doesn’t take away from the individual freedoms but builds them up.  In my vision, everyone who desires it is committed to everyone else who desires it.  I truly believe in Universal Love and world Peace.

Is that too much Universal love and peace for you?  Well tough.  Because this is what I will see before I leave the planet this time around.  Bet.

David went for it, and he got back with me.  I moved into his house July 1, 2010.  The Monique show aired July 6, 2010.  That evening he was with his girlfriend, so I went out with my friend George to celebrate.  Can you beleive David was mad at me for having this date?  Now I told him that I would not sleep with anyone else for a year, George is just a friend, and David was with his woman, probably enjoying sex!  But I still was not allowed to go on this “date”?  To celebrate the Monique Show???  My husband was out of town and I was home alone.  WTF?

Sheesh!  All summer we cuddled like two baby tigers in a pack.  We bunked in at night and watched movies, tried tantra, even worked tantra healing on another woman (see the post) loved, ate, drank wine, spoiled one another with affection.  He took to calling me his Goddess and I took to calling him my Thunder God.  We were just downright silly and very sweet.

I thought he was over it, this dating thing…

But he works weekends all night Friday and Saturday, he’s a bouncer…  and he spends every Sunday with his girlfriend who still did not know about me.  So when the weekends came, I planned dates.  I mean there are hella boys in NYC who want to take me out, so I’d go with them.  Friday with Hassan, Saturday with Lamene, Sunday with Terrance… the list goes on and on.  My saving grace, or so I thought, is that these guys were not my bed mates.  They were just friends who wanted to wine and dine Juju!!  They all knew I lived with my bf and had a real live husband!  My kids had been gone for the summer and it was on!

But not for David.

I had no idea my sweet hunni was becoming more angry every weekend.  I had no idea that he did not even want me to be in public without him.  He is a Scorpio and I had been warned about these men, but damn.  He was serious.  I’d text him all night when I was out and let him know my whereabouts and all.. but nothing worked.  He wanted me to sit at home alone or go out with girls, but not to the clubs where there were men.  But he never did tell me this, he just got more and more upset.

So after I left his home on August 1 to go pick up the children in Detroit, he had time to be alone and think.  This is when he began the process of letting me go.  I just wasn’t privy to the fact.  In a few days time he informed me via text that he wanted to be less involved with me than he had before…

While in Detroit, I had to deal with the apology blog that my husband had written for Crystal, and I could barely concentrate on the thread because my lover,  my Thunder God was pulling away from me and I wasn’t in NYC so there was nothing I could do.  I was being crushed inside and I couldn’t focus on any one thing too long.  I began coming down with the chills and a summer cold that had me sleeping all day for a week.  And my lover was leaving me… slowly but surely.  I had to lick my wounds and heal myself as clients, programs, threads and my children were orbiting around me.  I was dying.  Dying to an older part of myself…

It was nearing August 5th Stay & Play, and I wanted my sweet lover to Stay.  But I had to be real.  I had to respect this man.  He told me that he wants his women to be his and only his.  He told me that he was not going to be like my husband and allow this behavior.  He said that he couldn’t allow it and that it was hurting his heart.  He said that as much as he loves me, he can’t be with me.  He told me that he was demoting himself from being my man, my second husband, down to close friend and lover.

So when I went to see him just a few weeks ago for the last time, I was crushed.  I traveled to NYC on a bus from DC where we are staying awaiting a move down South.  I went on a Tuesday and left on a Friday.  Those days were terrifying for me.  I was sunken in the heart to find that he had indeed pulled away.  It was like a best friend had died.

We went through the motions… I cried as we made love… we ate at the same restaurants we always had in the Bronx where he lived and where I stayed with him for one last week this August.  He wrapped those huge arms around my small frame and he told me that I had changed his life.  I cuddled in his arms and cried as I told him that he actually made me more beautiful… he had cleared my completion with his sweet love and made me ten years younger.

He played with my waist beads as he rubbed by breasts with his hands, something that always brought me to screaming orgasms again and again over the past ten months.  Here again, and for the last times, I came… just from his touch.  He told me I’d be fine and I’d have the freedom I deserve.  I couldn’t stop asking that he see it different, and he couldn’t stop trying to make me see that this was best.  We went out on the town on our last night together.  We went to Washington Square Park in the Village and we lay on the marble benches and listened to the music of the people after delicious Tex Mex and Sangria.

He grabbed me into his heart chakra and held me close.  He told me he loved me.  I made his shirt moist with tears.  He wiped my tears.  We took a picture, and we kissed again for the first and last time.  We rode the train back to the Bronx.  I feel asleep in his arms as I had so many times on that D train.  He worshiped me that night.  Even as he was tired and a little tipsy.  He worshiped my body and my mind and he respected me into a state of utter bliss.

I recall saying “this is my food, hunni, you feed me the foods of the Goddess”.  And I fell deeply asleep until the next morning, late.  He had gone to the gym and when he returned it was time to begin packing.  My things were all over his room.  The bottle of wine, empty, from a day in March when we drank it and loved all night, each time we made love that night, we spun higher into the light… I was speaking new languages and he was proud to have taken me away from the planet.  But that was in March…  He had kept the bottle… the souvenir glass from the restaurant we ate our last meal sparkled on his shelf.  My luggage all in his closet, my shoes mixed with his… some of my clothing hanging in his closet… all of our toiletries all mixed in on his table.  The fans were blowing peace into my braking heart, and I felt weak and unstable.

I was numb – yet awake the the luscious learning that was taking place…

We had an argument that day.  I asked him why now?  Why didn’t he just tell me this up front, that I was too open for him?  How could he love me with a husband, and like a husband for so long and not tell me that he didn’t want me to see another man, ever!?  I know it sounds bad… but it’s real.  How can he say I can only love him and my husband when he is going to be in Paris as a run way model getting so much pussy it’s ridiculous?

He wouldn’t talk to me anymore about the Why’s of all of this… so we made love again… he couldn’t explain himself, so he just penetrated my body with his goodness and made me so moist and lucid that I couldn’t argue anymore.  He woke me up only because it was time for the bus.  He had packed for me and all my things were neatly tucked away.  He had always done these things for me, washed my clothing, ironed my clothing, made sure I ate food, made sure I caught calls, and appointments, he once went to Fed Ex for me to make sure I hit a deadline… he was just an angel and had been my angel all year.  He told me to leave three bags there at his house, we couldn’t carry all the stuff.  He was coming with me to DC to tell the family goodbye.  We’re moving South.  For Gods Sake…

At the bus station I was numb.  On the bus ride I was numb.  Even when he came with me to the place my family was and took a nap, I was numb.  I was numb when he held my arm in the living room there.  I was numb when he hugged me from behind when the kids weren’t looking.  Numb when he laughed with them and chatted with my husband.  Numb Numb Dead and Numb.  When I say numb, I was acting normal, bouncy and relaxed as if this wasn’t a big deal.  It just hadn’t hit me yet.

My face was alive.  My hands were alive.  I was on the phone and typing and doing the work I always do.  I was even answering the infamous Crystal thread, again… LOL!  The women on the thread were funny.  They were telling me that I was being abused, when they had no idea, I was being loved like this!!  All summer, all year!!  My husband is my savior and protector, he has freed me to enjoy a life of bliss with him or anyone I desire.  He has never abused me a day in his life… silly women on the thread.  My husband was standing by me as I watched the love of my life walk away.  My husband would never walk away, and I would never leave him.  We are the very best of friends and all time best lovers – sweet King of mine.

We took David to the bus stop so he could head back to New York.  He and my husband sat in the front.  I was in back with the kids.  I was smiling.  I never even thought about crying.  He got the bus.  I said good bye.  We texted all that day.

The next day I had to tell Michael Baisden no on the second taping for the movie we’re in with him because it was my brother in law’s wedding.  I still hadn’t cried.  David was still texting me sweetly.  I was still on the thread, trying to see what my sister was telling Crystal.  I guess I was the living dead.

It wasn’t until today… a full week later that I am crying.  I am bawling today… even before I do the Stay & Play call in which I will be my jovial self.  I am my highest and fullest self at all times, even as I go through what looks like and feels like pain.  I know that it is growth.  I do not seperate pain from pleasure from peace – it is all a part of life that must be lived and thrived through… Each phase can be enjoyable… I actually was enjoying witnessing myself through this.  It’s a skill I try to share with others.

Here is David’s  final texts… they came today (Sunday August 23)… this is in response to my pleading with him to please not leave my world – to please be my NYC King:

Once you fall in love with someone else you’ll forget about me.  You’ll thank me me one day for letting you be free.  Especially when I’m not even cutting you off forever.  But holding your hand through this is not going to make you independent enough and you’ll think every man in the world is as nice as me and then you’ll really be hurt, Kenya.  We’ll have a friendship once you move on.  That’s how it is in my world.  I had fun too and you made me feel better about life.

So that was it.  That was my summer in a nut shell.  It’s hard to write until now.  Crystal gave me power in her post that really made me know we’re on the right track in our teachings and philosophy… she gave me courage to write this and I love her dearly… Check the Post.

But the Challenge still remains.  Men and women are on two plains of growth when it comes to open relating.  My very wise husband put it simply:

Women want to be #1

Men want to be the ONLY one.

That is the paradigm.

David is reflecting me, my need to be number one!!!  AHA!  In every other way he was reflecting back the beautiful parts of me… but this one remaining reflection is still something to see.  He is reflecting me, my desire to be #1 it’s still there.  It was reflected in the famous “apology to Crystal” thread, when all of the women fought for me – my own voices fighting for me – my sister saying that Kenya is #1, Satori, Jeanine, some others… fighting ferociously that I keep that title #1…

But my new voice is saying there is no #1, my husband who is evolved and advanced saying there is no #1.

My boyfriend leaving saying he needs to be #1 – he is me!  And I see how ugly it can make things… I choose now to let it go.  I don’t want to be number one, I don’t need to be number one… I am number one to me!  That is enough.  If we were all #1 to ourselves and treating ourselves with the tender kindness we deserve, then we’d never have to worry about how others are treating us, we’d attract the same treatment we give ourselves.  We wouldn’t need to be someone else’s #1 if we were number one within!  You feel that?

Yes!  (As Gerlaine always says)

So this is my next work.  Allow myself to enjoy the fact that there is no #1.  For when I do, I will attract men who are New Paradigm as well… Why should there be?  In my vision of Universal Love there is circular love, not hierarchical.  SO what that I had the kids, so what that I am the one who has been here for 15 years, that doesn’t make anyone less important than me, and love is something that transcends hierarchy… Ohhhhh (crying again) my sweet David couldn’t see that.  But if he had, I would not be getting this lovely learning right now, about ME!  He is ME! giggle.

This morning my husband held me as I cried for my David.  He didn’t see fit to leave me alone just because I was crying over another man… this does not threaten my husband.  This is the new paradigm in love hunni, and it felt so good to be comforted.

I am creating the harmony I have envisioned and my world is advancing one more step in the direction of pure love, the only thing I live for.

Love and Light everyone.  Thanks for sharing my world. xo