Anonymous:

If I told you that a better sex life would improve your financial situation would you believe me?

Don’t be alarmed.  I’m not recruiting for an escort service or suggesting anything that would disgrace your bloodline and shame your descendants.  I’m talking about tantra.  What is tantra?  Good question.  I’ll let you know when I find out...

So I was reading my Facebook feed yesterday and noticed that the homie Kenya of Jujumama was having a contest.

JujuMama is LOOKING for YOU! We’re GIVING 1 couple a PREMIUM CN28 Stay and Play PACKAGE ($79Value)! ALL we ask in return is you remain OPEN to sharing the success of your relationship with …the JujuMama Family!  Only 1 Couple will WIN!

The Post had been up for an hour and no one responded so I jumped in and wrote this:

I want to participate but I’m not married and not on the verge of a break-up. Also my boyfriend thinks that the idea of a relationship workshop over the internet is ridiculous and he refuses to entertain participating.

A day later I was the only one who had responded to the post so I WON!  Yay me.

I’ve been aware of Jujumamablog.com for at least two years.  My friend introduced me to her and when I first went to Carl and Kenya’s blog I could not understand what she was talking about.  Nothing clicked immediately and her ideas didn’t make sense until I got with my sweet lover for the second time in ten years…

Kenya and her husband Carl are in an open marriage.  They have 3 children and other lovers that they spend time with. I’m convinced that they are spiritually evolved beings that have visited this planet together many times and each time their souls chose each other over all others.  That eternal security successfully deactivated their jealousy chip or at least put a short in it so that it only turns on during those rare moments that they demonstrate who is number one in front of their respective side dishes.

For the next 28 days I will learn how to Stay and Play. I decided to stay a long time ago so now I’m going to up my play game.  I participated in the ribbon cutting call tonight and I start on August 5th.  It should be apparent that I am really a novice at this whole Love expansion thing.  I’m not interested in polyamory, polyandry or poly-anything.   I’m there to stay on the path of manifesting my sexy.

If you want to know more about Cn28 or you want to gather quotes from me that you feel could be embarrassing in the next 5 years stay tuned, it’s all most showtime…

Genesis

When I started Cn28, I was stuck. I felt like I was in a clear, sound proof bubble floating through my life, screaming but no one could hear me. I would show up to work, dressed well, hair dope and enthusiastic. I would sit at my desk and research contacts to further my career.  At work, I am literally the lady in red while everybody else is wearing tan.

That’s why when I saw the contest for Cn28, something in me clicked. I’ve tried it all. I know Jesus. I’ve seen “The Secret” and ‘What the Bleep.” I’ve made vision boards. I tried abstinence.  Why not tantra?  Why not purify myself in Lake Minetonka by getting to the root of my truth? It was meant to be, because I WON!

My boyfriend thought the whole idea was nuts. He thinks you guys are swingers and that I am doing this to feel better. “What ever you need to do to feel good about yourself babe….” I told him that this was BEYOND good because I’m great and I am only going to get better. He smiled and went back to playing “Call of Duty.” I shrugged and went back to loading the dishwasher, making the bed, scrubbing the tub or whatever unproductive activity I could find to keep myself busy.

Peace Phase

The first conference call was neat. An over-view of things to come. It sounded easy enough. I could be peaceful, right? Still during the call, I had to say something to my man and drag him into it?  Why?  Why was I so aggressive with him?  Why couldn’t I just do the damned Cn28 without him buying in?  I wouldn’t find out until clearing but my pattern was there. I breezed through Peace and stayed logical. Things got hectic around the…

Planning Phase

I told – opps I mean – asked him his goals and he did open up to talk but when it came time to write them down I made no effort to include my wants in the goals. I didn’t want to harass or nag so I just sent them in. That’s when I acknowledged the suffocating. Khayr emailed back the proper formula and I revised it. Notice I said I, and I say I a lot…

I told him I am clear about career as my goal but I will honor our agreement and work overtime on finding a way out of “the box.” He told me that he would stop worrying so much about money. We agree to move forward.  So here were our Stay and Play goals for Cn28:

Love Goal: We are so happy now that the activities we are passionate about are generating an additional 7,000 a month income for us.- THE TRUTH
Financial Goal: We are blessed to approach every part of our lives together with confidence and we are certain that there is an abundance of everything we need. – THE TRUTH

Planting Phase

Ahhh yes. I got high off of the my music. I cried during the meditation audios sent to me via email by JujuMama. I used to cry all the time when I was in Texas alone. I cried to the Holy Spirit to comfort me. I cried hard on the empty floor of my room that had 1 twin bed, 1 stand that held my 1 cd player, and no television. I got high off the bouncy hair on my head that I had visualized back then. I got high off Lake Minetonka, in my car. I’m crying now because I know how good God is.

Completely OFF THE RECORD: I had what I think was a squirting orgasm during our nightly lovemaking session. Either that or it was pee but I let go for sure. New to the idea but the release felt healthy but I didn’t pass out like I normally do.  It must be the Planting Phase energy!

Clearing Phase

I was not prepared to honor this portion of Cn28. I can deal with peace, planning and planting but clearing brought out a side of me that I try to keep hidden. Monday was spent nude and lethargic. The email hadn’t arrived, I had no beats to write to, bleh. I wanted to call people but I had nothing to say. I wanted to eat but I didn’t want to cook. I wanted to go out but I didn’t want to get dressed. I thought about getting dressed but didn’t have any place creative to go. To get a little deeper. I want friends but I could stand to be friendlier. I want extra money but I was not going to work that day even if they brought free Chicken for everyone. I know I’m sexy but I haven’t been to the kickboxing class (that comes with free boxing gloves) since I paid for it two weeks ago! I saw myself standing in my own way. The meditation was alright but ESPN was blaring in the background…

Tuesday I wept while making my big sister a poster to take to Europe. I wept as I went through facebook pics of my cousin, who passed on and let go of the guilt I felt for not going to visit her on my last day in Texas in the summer of 2003 only to have her die before I could see her again. I wept as I thought of how she made the candle flicker on and off at her funeral and I was the only one who saw it. I cried about how my grandmother cried when she took me to college. I cried for my friend Sedona who lost her Grandmother. I cried during the forgiveness meditation as I forgave myself for missing my cousin’s wedding. I cried so hard that

I passed out…
Wednesday I went to work and had to leave early because I felt like I was screaming in a bubble again. The birth control pills got the boot on Wednesday also. (Gory details of that can be sent off record) I went home cried, meditated and passed out from 2-8pm.

Clearing Coaching

To be honest I was really not going to call for coaching.  I was unsure of whether I was clearing or just freaking out.  I decided to call.  Khayr turned out to be country as hell.  That’s a good thing because his  speaking style reminded me of a great friend I had in College.  Let’s refer to him as Nick.  Anyway this guy ran through Washington Square Park stark naked on  a weekday afternoon after we’d all had one too many cheap Cobra beers. I can’t see Khayr doing that but he was just as liberated as my naked friend.  He did not tap dance around my foolishness and I was able to be real with him.  I learned the 4 virtues, GTFOH and how to kill my masters.  I am blessed by the best, too sexy  to be stressed and worth my weight in gold.

Gathering Phase

This phase was interesting.  I started to write more, new connects came hard and fast, and I realized that I had been at my job for a full year.  I did not bath with oranges like I wanted to.  Part of me felt like I was still afraid based on my Christian upbringing.  I know since when did oranges become unholy, but it wasn’t so much the oranges as me not fully understanding what I was implying to the universe.  I was also moderately distracted with trying to literally gather shit.  What I gathered was that I am a google addict that found no dirt on unholy oranges.  I did have to admit that I was able to see the light at the end of the Cn28 tunnel.  I felt a shift in my energy and I felt progressive.  My boyfriend still laughed at my research and my attempts to perform tantra on him but I for sure was glowing with growth.
What came next was something I could never have imagined:

Seeing Phase

All hell broke  loose during the seeing phase.  I managed to dust up all of my thoughts on insecurity, inadequacy, sleeping with a rich man, sleeping with a famous man, sleeping with porn playing on the laptop, always having to be in control, always having to be right, always having to be best or at least better.  Since the Seeing Phase was about transcending your EGO, I can’t say the events below weren’t in line with this phase.  I needed to see myself.  So I did.  This is the message that Kenya got in her mailbox:

Stay? Fuck no!!
He went upside my head, called me a vulture, threw my clothes around, told me he didn’t need me for shit, said go fuck a producer…
The end.

Kenya: We should talk. This happened during the Seeing Phase. And on the evening when Mercury went retrograde. I would need to hear the entire story to know what’s going on and your man, is he still there and availed?

I want to tell you that I feel for you, AND that you created this (as did he – we are creating our lives not victims in it). He is not a bad guy and you are not “oh poor victim” I will never see it this way because my man has “gone upside my head” on many occasion. And chocked me as well.  And it was usually after I went upside his head and cursed him out.  We have to get to the real deal about what happened. Were you taunting him or did you just walk in the house just to find yourself being attacked? There is a big difference. When you get a minute – call me

Thanks! And this is a very valuable aspect of your work! It’s time to dig in and find the core goodness here.  It’s time for a major change.

xo

Kenya K Stevens

I honestly felt like I had entered the twilight zone after reading that message.

(((quick disclaimer: if you are living with domestic violence seek professional help.  The advise I gave this woman is not the advise I would give any woman, this advise was given from knowing the situation and having a grasp on the circumstance.  Each circumstance is different… the domestic violence I witnessed with my husband was a back and forth fighting.  This is prevalent in many homes today, although many people don’t talk about it – I DO… I’m sorry if it offends.)))

First Thoughts: Really Kenya?  He did?  And now he’s on facebook with this disrespectful Crystal person?  I can’t and I won’t, I thought.  This fool just came out his bag on me and now I have to leave to prove to myself that I don’t deserve this from any man.  If I stay my man will have a girlfriend like Kenya’s husband and I will be smiling while he fucks another woman with my consent. I need to get on the phone with the domestic violence shelter:

Shelter Lady: Thanks for calling ___________, my name is Guadalupe Conchita Maria Dominica Lupe Carla Gonzales (edit that but on the real that’s what I heard) How can I help you?
Me: Yeah I am wondering how I can go about getting some help.
Shelter Lady: Okay well are you in danger now?
Me: No, he’s gone to work.
Shelter:  If you call the police they can go arrest him at his job right now.  You can stay here for free…..

I was pretty much done after her suggestion about having him arrested at the job.  Everything is so extreme in Western Culture.  As mad as I was I knew that having him arrested at work would get him fired. I wouldn’t want to lose my job over this private dispute so I knew another alternative was the only answer.  I went through every emotion I had.  I never felt sorry for myself though.  It was clear that this  was about me, not what he did or why he did it.  This was all me.  My inner world was in turmoil and this blow up was the manifestation of my ego not keeping it real with anyone.  As Khayr said on our call it’s ” Time to kill the Master.”  So I got out my machete and called Kenya.

I did not want to call.  I waited hours but once I did I was glad.  It turns out that both myself and my man have had physical altercations with past  loves.  Kenya helped me to see that we are mirrors for real.  We had both sought help after those previous episodes but clearly they did not work because we met each other here..again.  Running would only lead me to this place with a new lover with the same spirit.  WHY? Both of us want MORE.  That’s fine but in order to attract the MORE we seek we have to become more authentic.

Kenya  was open about her experience.  The one thing most of these experience have in common is financial dependence on the man in some way.  My  opinion on that  – Men and Women have been trained to rebuke traditional gender roles so the modern man instinctively  wants to provide but the modern independent women wants to control the house.  I know for sure I’ve sat and thought about how much smarter I am than most men.  Could it be that they feel those thoughts?  Not sure but I know for a fact that I can rid myself of energy that brings that behavior forth in my life.

So per Kenya’s suggestion, I laced.  In the lacing mediation I cursed out all the guys that tried to belittle me for being loving and lie about sleeping with me just because I chose their friend over them.  I cursed out the girls who hated me because I spoke proper english and never relaxed my speech no matter where I was (even the projects).  I cursed out certain people for calling me a snob for refusing to consider public school for any child of mine.  I cursed out the church members who had women’s day and wouldn’t let me in the picture because I wasn’t wearing all white.  I cursed out the church members that said cruel things about my family just because they were miserable people….

I’m still lacing on my own, just as Kenya instructed.  Finally I realize that love is a radical act that expects nothing in return. Since I’ve been lacing, I feel I am becoming the ultimate, lover, visionary and devotee.  A little silence goes a loonnnng way.  I’m also more mindful of treating myself to things that make me happy.  I see a life of abundance and I can have everything I seek with a peaceful demeanor.

Leading Phase

I spent most of this analyzing my relationship. My man swears he tries to lead yet I find myself leading myself.   I am my own boss but he is never comfortable offering suggestions or advice because I am quick to let him know that work is my domain. In all honesty I feel like his level of experience in my area does not qualify him to direct me there.  So the Cn28 Leading Phase was about me saying “so what” to the whole notion that I know so much more than him.  What he requires is support in this house.

I was getting it!

So instead of badgering him to lead, I made my moves silently and became his lover.  At this point in my life, I realized that what I do can’t compensate for who I am.  In the past, I attracted men who were looking for favors.  My man doesn’t care about my career success, he just wants his girl to bring him something cold to drink while he’s watching baseball and __________________________________.  I can do that and so could a sister without all the awards I have accumulated.  I have been so attached to what I do that I ignored life outside of my hustle.

So my work during the leading phase was simple… I allowed him to lead me to the bedroom for pleasure.  I let him lead me to the kitchen to make his  favorite meal and once he had passed out after we ____________________, I’d get my e-grind on in a calm house.  I honestly believe that if I chill and allow him to lead, my man will evolve with me.  So I followed his lead and I trust that our territory will expand as it has since we started dating (on & off but still) 10 years ago.

Doing Phase

This is the Cn28 phase where Carl and Kenya say I have permission to use my fire and DO IT.  But they also said that this doing phase energy was the job of the man of the house.  I had to be clear about where I was in life to fully understand my role during  this phase. The way I approached business before learning about JujuMama’s Gender Harmonics had me approaching men (or women) as though I had the biggest penis in the world.  I’m aggressive, sarcastic and smarter than everyone (including other women) as the CEO of my company.

As Khayr  says, “You don’t know, what you don’t know.”  Now that I know I had to flip the script on myself.  I decided to be quiet.  Yup.  Quiet.  I was going to DO some meditation and Do some conserving.  If I stay in my role the soldiers will come forth and guess what IT WORKED.  Since this was about doing, I literally had to put my new-found knowledge about my feminine role into action.

Like Kenya, I made all men my Kings (even if I didn’t call then King, I though it) and treated everyone like a lover to be wooed.  I did no aggressive “following up” or outrageous online networking.  I just was doing ME, only better.  By the end of this phase I was promoted at my job!!!!!  (I can also work from home which facilitates my role as the ultimate conservationist), I’d gotten great leads for my new position and a gig co-hosting an TV show that’s really doing well!!!  All in just a matter of days!  Cn28 was on the money!!!  Not bad considering I never made one nutty phone call or sent any threatening emails.  What kinds of emails would the old ME send?  Don’t even want to know.

I’ve come a very long way in 28 days.

Using Phase – The Final Four Days…

This is the end of my very first Cn28 and I have grown.  Even though I stopped discussing my Cn28 experience, he has been a natural participant.  Just the night before last I was laying in bed next to him with my hands on my breasts doing a divine feminine meditation.  I put my hands on my breasts because well there were two of them and I had two hands so it kind of just made sense.  I focused on thoughts of ladylike behavior, my bouncy hair that’s growing at least 2 inches a month and having no hair on my chest or neck.

The boyfriend shifted and his hand landed right on the left side of my pelvis.  Months ago my doctor told me that there was a cyst on my right ovary .  I know the root of that was my very masculine approach to life. His hand there may not have been on purpose but it for sure sent vibrations through my entire being.  I felt like the same way he touched me there in his sleep is the same way he will touch me in other places if I just stay by his side.Corny maybe but I don’t care.  I chose to love him and I know why.  He’s me.

Other things:  Since Cn28 started I have been practicing tantra on my man.  I have him lay on the couch and I wave my hands over his stomach, pelvis, head and legs.  I try to wave them over his feet but he starts kicking and well, I don’t want to be kicked.  Any way without fail every time he starts jerking around like he saw the guy do on Strange Sex which makes me bust out laughing and then he starts laughing.  He tries to wave his hands over me and I will be serious but he will start laughing or just grab my crotch saying something to the effect of naked sex etc.  But at the very least, laughter is clearing.

I get to spend every day all day stark naked. He likes that.  I am starting school (which will manifest money) and I have my album vision in  view.  I stopped taking out the garbage, lifting things, putting gas in my car (bring it home empty  works every time) and just being less talkative surrounding matters.  Nobody’s man gives a damn about lipstickalley or my obsession with Lord & Cliff hair and that’s cool, I’ll call one of my girlfriends.  Today is day 4  of the using phase.  It is 3:49am and even if I sleep until 8:50am, I can still be at work on time.  That wasn’t the case 28 days ago.  Now it’s time to grow more money.  Looking forward to getting on the program next month.  All my best thoughts (goals) are coming true…

1. I am way more sexual than any man I know.  (I have known this since age 12)
2. I long to have men accept my full and authentic sensual self (means I have to accept her)
3. Race is not important to me (well, I already knew that too)
4. My waist is my most erogenous zone (that hand on her waist makes me burst inside)
5. Even if the models are gay, I would still be turned on (interesting thought)
6. I want men to be able to share me with no complaint whatsoever
7. I want my men to get along and although I don’t long for a threesome, or foursome in this case, this one looks hot.
8. I love being bare chested on top of a man… giggle
9. I want to spend more time in bliss and less tie working.  (who doesn’t, right?)
10. I like love marketing!!!  Sex sells because sex represents transcendence in the sun-conscious mind of even us, who have been socialized against being our most sacred, sensual selves… I see that here and it’s all good!

How does this picture make you feel?  And what are the ten things you realize about yourself based on the feeling?  Be honest baby.  This is JujuMama’s Blog – authenticity is honored.  xo

I LOVE marriage and am an advocate for Mono-Harmonious couples!  I have been married 14 years and I love the idea of having a life partner.  Today I have made time to write a piece that will answer any questions for those who desire to know what JujuMama LLC – a love coaching company – feels about Monogamy – today I respond in full… This is going to be fun!

Webster’s Dictionary Refers To Monogamy with three definitions:

Definition of MONOGAMY

In current usage monogamy often refers to having one sexual partner irrespective of marriage or reproduction.

Most individuals in Westernized countries are not Monogamous, but Serial Monogamist:

Serial monogamy is characterized by a series of long- or short-term, exclusive sexual relationships entered into consecutively over the lifespan.

Critics of monogamy, such as author and commentator Andrew Sullivan, argue that it involves a damaging self-denial that pushes people out of their natural instincts and that it can be psychologically damaging.

I am not a critic of Serial Monogamy or Monogamy.  But I do know that neither exists in Western culture.  Why do I say that neither monogamy or serial monogamy exists?  That’s simple, the practice of being sexually exclusive is not adhered to by anyone in this country, even when in a stated sexually monogamous or committed relationship, and I can prove it easily…

And keep in mind, I will also share my idea of how we can fix monogamy, with a my sustainable relationship model I introduce here, called Mono-Hamrony.  Read On!

So first to easily prove that none of us are monogamous, even serially…

The number one search term on the internet is SEX. Individuals who call themselves “exclusive” with their partner – which is most of us – are willing to put their sexual energy (the most powerful force in the world) into the hands of porn stars, escorts, strippers, romance novels, celebrity fantasies, social networking hook ups, and so forth.  Are we physically having sex with these entities?  No, we’re doing something even more intimate!  We’re allowing these images space in our mental realm – everyone who knows anything about the actual psychology of sex knows that sex is most importantly, an energy exchange.  So the modern human is sharing sexual energy with more people than ever before!  This goes for men and women, believe it or not.

For those who say, “ohhhh Kenya, this is bullshit, sex doesn’t matter unless there is physical touch”.  I feel for you.  It means you did not read your owner’s manual:  the mind does not know the difference between what is imagined and what actually happens. If you missed out on that, then you also might not be privy to the fact: what we think about, we bring about! So as long as I make love to porn movies, enjoy romance novels and literally get off to and with people other than my primary mate, I am literally in an act of sex with them, it’s safer sex sure, but it is sex nonetheless.

If you do not agree that sharing sexual energy with someone beyond a mate is “cheating” then you do not understand what sex is.  10% of sex is intercourse – the other 90% is the energetic exchange that, although invisible, is the most powerful, important and viable aspect of the sexual act, indeed, the most ‘intimate’ portion of the act.  With you and your partner sharing this intimate space with so many others, sometimes unknowingly, there is no wonder we have issues connecting!  I recall wanting an orgasm in my 20’s and having to think of a porn image to get off with my husband!  I had more connection to that PORN image than to the fact that I was in the bed with my husband.  Those connections are strong and real!

I, like you, like all of us, was sharing my mental/sensual energy outside my partnership,  I literally had a sexual relationship with these outside forces, as do we all.  Thus, I was not living the very principles that would make me monogamous or even serially monogamous.  Right?

The underlying issue and reason for the mix up here is the fact that Western thinkers have discounted the idea that energy is real.  Our acute focus on the physical has created many inherent contradictions in our medicine, science, technology and cultural practices.  But this is a more involved point that we will discuss at length another time.

For our purpose today, let us focus on Monogamy and a new concept I created called Mono-Harmony…

Needless to say, human beings are not monogamous.  However, if we insist on using this word to describe our modern form of marital arrangement, then we have a predicament on our hands, expecially from the standpoint of looking at the stats, 66% of those married have cheated on a spouse.  It’s time to redefine the modern relationship to make it more sustainable.

My husband and I have created some preliminary ideas around marraige.  We call it Mono-Harmony.  Used as a adjective, human beings are Mono-Harmonic.  IE we crave one on one partnerships with other humans.  We enjoy the benefits and comfort of partnering.  Precluding desires for sex (which is not the basis of a mono-harmonic partnership) we desire to be supported, witnessed, connected to, and close to human beings in one on one relationships for the purpose of Growth.

What is growth? Growth is a soul level desire to expand oneself beyond the limitations of oneself.  Human beings desire to EXPAND.  We desire to evolve over the course of a lifetime.  This desire is hard-wired in the human being and will never be replaced by anything more powerful.  This desire to grow or expand creates the natural instincts we share:  desire for acknowledgment, desire for food and water, desire for shelter, desire for reproduction (pleasure).  <<— These four factor SUPPORT expansion.  IE without these, our capability to GROW is severely altered.

A young baby will die without these basic needs being met.  A baby who is not acknowledged properly (hugs, touch, cuddling) will become sullen and suffer decreased mental and physical health.  Same if he or she is not given the proper foods, shelter and of course the baby would not exist if he or she is born without reproductive capacity – btw babies can feel pleasure and do so when they have a bowl movement.  The pleasure principle and mini-orgasm is a part of the removal of bowls.  For babies, this is the first orgasm and will advance to the other forms of orgasmic capability.

So having a life partner/s who will support us in obtaining these four support tools to growth over the course of a lifetime is critical.  These needs should be consistently met for all human beings on the planet, or insanity or death (illness) result.  Case in point, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and other ailments are the most prevalent in cultures where the divorce rate is highest.  These illnesses are at their lowest in cultures that highly support one another mentally and physically and in cultures where there is communal love and nurturing environments.

So what!  Right?  SO we need these four building blocks to live a life where we GROW and EXPAND beyond ourselves constantly… so what!!!  What does this have to do with monogamy.  And what is Mono-Harmony???

We’re getting there… here, let this flower energy calm you down…

In more recent history, the idea that was born of these basic human needs is monogamy.  The “traditional” Western marraige is a young concept,  with an older parent principle.  Due to time we will not discuss that root here, but see Sex At Dawn: The Pre-Historic Origins of Modern Sexuality. The thesis is that monogamous marraige is something that developed in the age of agriculture and subsequent ownership of personal land.  Once land was in the hands of male property owners, the notion of owning this land after death came into play.  Men needed to know who their children were, and thus, needed to own a woman and ensure her sexual fidelity to himself.  The bloodline, which had been passed through the female for thousands of years prior, came to be passed through the male, hence your last name is that of your father, rather than your mother.  Monogamous Marriage was born!  (But at that same moment, prostitution was created by men who never intending monogamy for themselves)…

And so here we are, seeking new models for relating as Monogamy fails all around the world.  And NO – Mono-Harmony is not about having sex with many people.  But let’s see what it is about…

Enter the idea of Mono-Harmony…

Mono-Harmony is a concept JujuMama created, born of necessity, as traditional monogamy has proven unsustainable.  Keep in mind, Mono-Harmony is a concept based around the couples sexual choices (ie polygamy, “monogamy”, polyandry, polyamory etc) Men and women living in modern culture have attempted to live by this system and have continually failed.  The divorce rate stands at 69% in Australia, 57% in Europe and 55% in the USA.  The country with the lowest divorce rate is Shi Lanka with a divorce rate of just under 15%.  Cuba has the very highest divorce rate, standing at a whopping 77%!

What’s more stunning is that 95% of worldwide divorces are evoked by he wife!  I’d bet that 95% of those same marriages were evoked by the woman… giggle.

This speaks to the problem, let’s focus on the solution.

The reasons sited for divorces in the USA are many.  Here are the top four:

• Poor communication
• Financial problems
• A lack of commitment to the marriage
• Infidelity

We beleive that the top four causes of divorce are all eradicated when a couple practices Mono-Harmony.

Mono-Harmony has four parts:

1.  Gender Harmonics – understanding of the eight gender roles and adapting them into the union.

2.  Sensual Harmonics - understanding the tantra arts and using sex for healing and manifestation.

3.  Progressive Harmonics – understanding the purpose of relating and processing challenges through this lens.

4.  Integrative Harmonics – How to integrate these areas and USE these principles beyond intellectually.

So, the focus of the NEW Mono-harmonious couple is formulating a viable working unit to produce GROWTH or EXPANSION.

Recall that this is  a basic human need —->>> EVOLUTION

So when relationships do not evolve us, or when we are not allowing a relationship to evolve us, the relationship stagnates and then falls apart.  Hence, the staggering divorce rate…

Mono-Harmonics will prevent this!

Article To Be Continued…

Mono~Harmonics | The NEW Blue Print Part II

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OK… so I’m not going to cry, I’m going to write.

This is a picture of my sweet men on my birthday, we’re live in the studio just after recording with Abiola.  So much has happened since then and it wasn’t until today that I could fully write it because I have now fully experienced it.  My heart is stable and my mind is right, for the first time in a week or so, since my boyfriend David caught a late night bus with me back to DC to drop me off with my family… we had all of my things that I’d kept at his house all summer.

Why were my things at his house, well, because I actually lived with him from July 1 – July 18.  On July 18, we took a bus to DC to meet my husband who had taken a flight from Mississippi, where he’d been staying with his girlfriend for the summer.  We met in DC for a Tantra workshop, one of the best I’ve ever conducted, with a room full of women clad in white and telling stories that seem to all run together about having shut off from sex, sexuality, sensuality and orgasm at a young age.

My men were there as we  women wept.  We cried together during rituals I conducted to all four gender archetypes.  We cried and laughed and loved and remembered to love in that small room in Maryland during the workshop.  My men caressed the women, held them energetically in tantric embrace as they melted into past stories to shift themselves, love themselves more deeply.  It was me who always said that love is infinite, it is and was and will always be me to say that our mates are mirrors and that we are reflecting them in so many ways, unbelievable ways that must be believed to be perceived and processed appropriately.

Now I see that I see.

My David, I guess I never spoke much about him, I never told the story of our love here, I gave bits and pieces as the entire story is way too much bliss to consume or render in writing in one sitting, even many.  So I gave what I thought was enough.  But now as I try to write about the end of us, I recall that I never wrote about the beginning of us and then it makes me sad to think of the story as a whole when I don’t feel whole on the inside…

So here goes… this is my longest post ever.  But I’m sure you won’t mind.  *wink*

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooBOn-RWw08]

This song suits the story well…

My David was an illusion I created for myself.  All of the people in my life are just that, from children to parents, from husband to girlfriend, you are my illusion, you are what I made to make myself know myself and love myself outside myself.  You are what I made to heal myself and remember my Goddess within.  I thank you.

But I find myself stalling in an attempt to hold back the tears… today when David and I finalized the break up it rained.  HARD.  And the thunder came in the very moment of the texts we sent confirming the inevitable… Me and my Thunder God – David – are done.

Men.

Men.

Men – OMG.

Men need some help with this open relationship piece…

Now that is not to say that women don’t need help.  Or maybe what I am saying is that I need help.

I’ll speak my mind and then analyze my words later.  That’s the only way to get this thing said…

He wanted me from the beginning.  He wanted me to be there with him and for him and he wanted me, David loved for me to enjoy him.  He needs lots of love and stroking.  His 23 years to my 36 years seemed counter intuitive at first, and I told myself to ignore the years.  I told myself to love the moment.  And I did.

He would come to me on Mondays, this was our day for Bliss.  We actually called it that and by January of 2010, we had initiated it.  We said it was Monday TLC, our day for love and four hours hugs.

He has a Korean girlfriend whose 39, I have a husband, so what more could we expect except a Monday afternoon together?

Mondays were good.  So good, they swiftly became Monday and Wednesday.  Mondays and Wednesdays were so sweet, they became texting and every day.. and it all just expanded! Visits with my family, Thursday nights at the club, and weekends longing for Mondays again… even the three of us, my husband, David and myself became close.

I hadn’t mentioned how the first three Mondays were just tantra touch, and meditation with candles and in-scents and intense touch healing.  I hadn’t said that I”d cried each of those Mondays as if I were making love to an old lover from beyond the veil.  I mean, without intercourse… just hearts touching, in my friends bed because the children were home at my apartment.  My husband was there, upstairs with them, and because David got off of work at 3:00 PM and the kids came home at 3:30 we had to be in another place, and I had to kiss them “happy home” make a snack for them and bolt to the door to see my sweet lover… but not lover, just touch partner…. healer at that time.

It wasn’t until the fourth Monday… when he came into my body with his.  It was not until February and we’d met way back when he was just 22 years old in November.  But it was before Valentines Day…  and I hadn’t ask him for it, but I must have desired.  I did desire, with my soul, all of me pouring out onto him made it already so likely, and then to be physically there, this was just a formality.  I had already dreamed this.   And in one single motion… he made me come undone.  I just tried to focus on the dancing candles but this man was becoming my twin flame.  The pulsating light streaming into my body from his was surreal, and I couldn’t know if I’d be able to handle this much longer… I was trying not to surrender.

I tried to focus on the door.

And then I realized there was nothing not to give… he hadn’t moved a muscle.  He just slowly became one with me, as if this were just simply meant to be, this one moment had me so delightfully afraid and awake then completely entranced that my fears became frozen in time… and left behind.  I went with him and he couldn’t let me say no.  I never even formed the word in my mind.  I said yes with everything in the world.  I tossed my fears into yesterday.  And even thought he hadn’t asked, I adored him there in that moment and I felt his intense adoration for me.  This found hour hug was amazing!

Now wait a minute, Yes!!  I am married and have been since age 21,  and YES I had sex before that.  I had sex with 80 boys before I left high school.  Shit.  I’ll tell it!  You know me… lmbo

But I have never in my life felt something so exquisite, and so smooth.  This was way more than I expected… and I hadn’t expected our friendship to come to this.  I grew two minds;  “Can this work?”  AND  “So what – I submit!”

So weeks earlier, it was a Monday too, he had been kissing me in the very place he was now opening to his energy and making his own – and in that kiss he had caused streams of river water to flow from my body.  He had been delighted, like a child… just awed by his achievement… and so now in this Monday,  it seemed he wanted more river water and he wanted it from the touch of his root polarity, not tongue.

And of course my focus on the door became an intense focus into this Thunder God chest above me, and my fingers running the boundless length and mountains of his bullet proof arms, became more than I could handle and even as he was not moving at all, I mean not a peep, not even talking or looking,  just kissing my arms and heart chakra in what seemed like a surrender to the heaven in me.  This entire transaction became way too sweet and I tried to maintain it, but a Goddess has to eat… I blossomed under him making rivers flow again… and I think he liked it.  My female release was a trophy to him.  Something he’d never experienced.

And Damn.  My friends bed was a mess.

Though we hadn’t moved a muscle, we decided that this was to be the beginning of a heavenly new world of bliss.  This experience was just rare.  Some call it new pussy?  I would call it new dick… but its way more.  I mean just way more than that.

So later, after we could speak again, we had to return to our Manhattan lives, but from that date, we could not stop needing one another.  We became like best friends… we’d lay in the bed at his house, my house where ever we could and talk, love, cuddle and kiss for hours, and for days sometimes!  But only when we had time and when my husband gave me permission to do so did we stay away so long.  We’d do tantra healing meditation on one another, always lighting the candles and using Buddha Lounge music that he loved.  He had the tunes and he’s tell me – “Kenya, I want the tantra” and I’d laugh because it sounded cute.

All winter we’d huddle together when I could get away from the phone consultations and the computer and the news and the radio interviews… and we’d love.  He was my son and my father and my king, and I was his everything.  His girlfriend was still there, and guess what?  Our affair actually made their relationship stronger, he told me so.  Our healing work was making him more of a man, for her!  But he still could not tell her about us because he did not allow her to date other men and she might get some “ideas”.  Worse yet, she might cut his mf dick off!  Bottom line.  Right?

But I didn’t care, his other lives were none of my business.  He was welcome in my world.  My kids and husband loved him because he was kind to them.  He’d bring groceries, play video games with the boys, bring medicine for my little baby girl.  He’d protect me and do whatever Rakhem Seku could not do, all my husband had to do was text him and ask favors… that’s all.  He’d be there.

Some might feel, well damn.  This is taking away from your relationship with your husband.  But for me, it never did.  I spent most nights with my hubby, not in the same sort of bliss David and I shared, but in a more refined, aged and mature format… my husband and I love like college sweethearts on a date – we’re always flirty and silly together – It’s very sweet.  So I had two ripe apples to munch at all times, these men were making me so beautiful and ready for spring.  I felt constantly fed and well take care of… And that – THAT – was my winter in Manhattan.

When spring came I got into trouble.  And this is the challenge that this post is all about.  This is serious.  David wanted me to become his exclusive lover. *record screeches off the needle* What?

To me it wasn’t impossible.  But I would want him to be a second husband if this was the case.  David does not ever want to be married, he doesn’t beleive in it.  But he also, and to my surprise, doesn’t beleive that his women should have any other men.  He was cool with my husband, and he respects that union, but he didn’t want me to have anyone else besides the two of them.

That was the challenge.

But wait, I hadn’t had anyone else!  What the hell was he talking about?

Spring> we were laying in my bed in Harlem.  He and I had began doing silly shit like having a glass of wine together in the night, just for fun, walking in the park after dark, and laying out with a blanket.  I think my husband was out of town visiting his college lover in NC.  But this night, the wine store was closed so he bought me a malt beverage of some sort.  Now if you know me, you know I can’t handle my liquor.  I remember giggling and hugging his Thunder God body under the night sky, going to heaven in my mind… that’s it.

The next morning, he told me I had admitted in my drunken stupor that I wanted men from all over the world taking care of me and protecting me and loving me.  He told me that I said I wanted kings all over the world… Now of course, it’s all true!  But I don’t recall saying these things to him.  And I hadn’t ever lied to him, he knows I am in an open relationship…

So apparently after I’d passed out drunk from one bottle of malt beverage (maybe a hard lemonade?) he went through my phone.  Now you know how I talk to everyone, everyone is my king and my hunni and I blow kisses all the time to everyone like this xoxox and not to mention the giggles that seem to be trending now…  He saw some texts that he did not like to my king Kahyr in North Carolina, and to my king Bunni in Miami, and to my other kings all around the world…  OMG!  But he was terrified and pissed…

The next day he broke up with me, that was in May of 2010.  I cried and cried… I told him that there is no way he should break up with me for something so silly.  I showed him tweet after tweet, of similar messages I’d sent to men who I do not even know!  Thank God he bought it, he could see that I loved him and was not trying to hurt him.

It came down to the fact that he did not want me to be open, but he wanted to be open.

Do I buy that?  At that time, I thought I did.  The love was just so good, that yummy body was just so tight, and that luscious energy was just so beautiful that I made him an offer.  I told my sweet David, “Look, I will give you one year.  I will be exclusive with you for a full year until you get used to the idea that we are both going to want and attain other lovers… and that doesn’t mean we discard one another.”  I tried to get him to see my vision, what is my vision?  Well, let me clarify:

My vision is that men and women should love.  We should have loving healers everywhere we go.  There should be no city we go to , no town, no where in the world where we can’t go to the home of our sweet darling and be secured, respected, cherished, touched, loved, and healed.  The purpose, in my vision, is that we humans have great gifts to share with one another.  Some times we need a particular energy or gift from a particular soul.  We should have access to whatever is needed when desired.  We should maintain those connections even from afar so that when anyone needs anyone else, they just call.  We should practice distance healing on one another… so for instance, even when David is a runway model in Paris, if he needs me, he can call, I can visualize for his success wheresoever he is, and then we can meet in Turks for a weekend of bliss when needed, or just enjoy spending weeks in my home or his… families and all!  This doesn’t detract from family units, but builds them up.  This doesn’t take away from the individual freedoms but builds them up.  In my vision, everyone who desires it is committed to everyone else who desires it.  I truly believe in Universal Love and world Peace.

Is that too much Universal love and peace for you?  Well tough.  Because this is what I will see before I leave the planet this time around.  Bet.

David went for it, and he got back with me.  I moved into his house July 1, 2010.  The Monique show aired July 6, 2010.  That evening he was with his girlfriend, so I went out with my friend George to celebrate.  Can you beleive David was mad at me for having this date?  Now I told him that I would not sleep with anyone else for a year, George is just a friend, and David was with his woman, probably enjoying sex!  But I still was not allowed to go on this “date”?  To celebrate the Monique Show???  My husband was out of town and I was home alone.  WTF?

Sheesh!  All summer we cuddled like two baby tigers in a pack.  We bunked in at night and watched movies, tried tantra, even worked tantra healing on another woman (see the post) loved, ate, drank wine, spoiled one another with affection.  He took to calling me his Goddess and I took to calling him my Thunder God.  We were just downright silly and very sweet.

I thought he was over it, this dating thing…

But he works weekends all night Friday and Saturday, he’s a bouncer…  and he spends every Sunday with his girlfriend who still did not know about me.  So when the weekends came, I planned dates.  I mean there are hella boys in NYC who want to take me out, so I’d go with them.  Friday with Hassan, Saturday with Lamene, Sunday with Terrance… the list goes on and on.  My saving grace, or so I thought, is that these guys were not my bed mates.  They were just friends who wanted to wine and dine Juju!!  They all knew I lived with my bf and had a real live husband!  My kids had been gone for the summer and it was on!

But not for David.

I had no idea my sweet hunni was becoming more angry every weekend.  I had no idea that he did not even want me to be in public without him.  He is a Scorpio and I had been warned about these men, but damn.  He was serious.  I’d text him all night when I was out and let him know my whereabouts and all.. but nothing worked.  He wanted me to sit at home alone or go out with girls, but not to the clubs where there were men.  But he never did tell me this, he just got more and more upset.

So after I left his home on August 1 to go pick up the children in Detroit, he had time to be alone and think.  This is when he began the process of letting me go.  I just wasn’t privy to the fact.  In a few days time he informed me via text that he wanted to be less involved with me than he had before…

While in Detroit, I had to deal with the apology blog that my husband had written for Crystal, and I could barely concentrate on the thread because my lover,  my Thunder God was pulling away from me and I wasn’t in NYC so there was nothing I could do.  I was being crushed inside and I couldn’t focus on any one thing too long.  I began coming down with the chills and a summer cold that had me sleeping all day for a week.  And my lover was leaving me… slowly but surely.  I had to lick my wounds and heal myself as clients, programs, threads and my children were orbiting around me.  I was dying.  Dying to an older part of myself…

It was nearing August 5th Stay & Play, and I wanted my sweet lover to Stay.  But I had to be real.  I had to respect this man.  He told me that he wants his women to be his and only his.  He told me that he was not going to be like my husband and allow this behavior.  He said that he couldn’t allow it and that it was hurting his heart.  He said that as much as he loves me, he can’t be with me.  He told me that he was demoting himself from being my man, my second husband, down to close friend and lover.

So when I went to see him just a few weeks ago for the last time, I was crushed.  I traveled to NYC on a bus from DC where we are staying awaiting a move down South.  I went on a Tuesday and left on a Friday.  Those days were terrifying for me.  I was sunken in the heart to find that he had indeed pulled away.  It was like a best friend had died.

We went through the motions… I cried as we made love… we ate at the same restaurants we always had in the Bronx where he lived and where I stayed with him for one last week this August.  He wrapped those huge arms around my small frame and he told me that I had changed his life.  I cuddled in his arms and cried as I told him that he actually made me more beautiful… he had cleared my completion with his sweet love and made me ten years younger.

He played with my waist beads as he rubbed by breasts with his hands, something that always brought me to screaming orgasms again and again over the past ten months.  Here again, and for the last times, I came… just from his touch.  He told me I’d be fine and I’d have the freedom I deserve.  I couldn’t stop asking that he see it different, and he couldn’t stop trying to make me see that this was best.  We went out on the town on our last night together.  We went to Washington Square Park in the Village and we lay on the marble benches and listened to the music of the people after delicious Tex Mex and Sangria.

He grabbed me into his heart chakra and held me close.  He told me he loved me.  I made his shirt moist with tears.  He wiped my tears.  We took a picture, and we kissed again for the first and last time.  We rode the train back to the Bronx.  I feel asleep in his arms as I had so many times on that D train.  He worshiped me that night.  Even as he was tired and a little tipsy.  He worshiped my body and my mind and he respected me into a state of utter bliss.

I recall saying “this is my food, hunni, you feed me the foods of the Goddess”.  And I fell deeply asleep until the next morning, late.  He had gone to the gym and when he returned it was time to begin packing.  My things were all over his room.  The bottle of wine, empty, from a day in March when we drank it and loved all night, each time we made love that night, we spun higher into the light… I was speaking new languages and he was proud to have taken me away from the planet.  But that was in March…  He had kept the bottle… the souvenir glass from the restaurant we ate our last meal sparkled on his shelf.  My luggage all in his closet, my shoes mixed with his… some of my clothing hanging in his closet… all of our toiletries all mixed in on his table.  The fans were blowing peace into my braking heart, and I felt weak and unstable.

I was numb – yet awake the the luscious learning that was taking place…

We had an argument that day.  I asked him why now?  Why didn’t he just tell me this up front, that I was too open for him?  How could he love me with a husband, and like a husband for so long and not tell me that he didn’t want me to see another man, ever!?  I know it sounds bad… but it’s real.  How can he say I can only love him and my husband when he is going to be in Paris as a run way model getting so much pussy it’s ridiculous?

He wouldn’t talk to me anymore about the Why’s of all of this… so we made love again… he couldn’t explain himself, so he just penetrated my body with his goodness and made me so moist and lucid that I couldn’t argue anymore.  He woke me up only because it was time for the bus.  He had packed for me and all my things were neatly tucked away.  He had always done these things for me, washed my clothing, ironed my clothing, made sure I ate food, made sure I caught calls, and appointments, he once went to Fed Ex for me to make sure I hit a deadline… he was just an angel and had been my angel all year.  He told me to leave three bags there at his house, we couldn’t carry all the stuff.  He was coming with me to DC to tell the family goodbye.  We’re moving South.  For Gods Sake…

At the bus station I was numb.  On the bus ride I was numb.  Even when he came with me to the place my family was and took a nap, I was numb.  I was numb when he held my arm in the living room there.  I was numb when he hugged me from behind when the kids weren’t looking.  Numb when he laughed with them and chatted with my husband.  Numb Numb Dead and Numb.  When I say numb, I was acting normal, bouncy and relaxed as if this wasn’t a big deal.  It just hadn’t hit me yet.

My face was alive.  My hands were alive.  I was on the phone and typing and doing the work I always do.  I was even answering the infamous Crystal thread, again… LOL!  The women on the thread were funny.  They were telling me that I was being abused, when they had no idea, I was being loved like this!!  All summer, all year!!  My husband is my savior and protector, he has freed me to enjoy a life of bliss with him or anyone I desire.  He has never abused me a day in his life… silly women on the thread.  My husband was standing by me as I watched the love of my life walk away.  My husband would never walk away, and I would never leave him.  We are the very best of friends and all time best lovers – sweet King of mine.

We took David to the bus stop so he could head back to New York.  He and my husband sat in the front.  I was in back with the kids.  I was smiling.  I never even thought about crying.  He got the bus.  I said good bye.  We texted all that day.

The next day I had to tell Michael Baisden no on the second taping for the movie we’re in with him because it was my brother in law’s wedding.  I still hadn’t cried.  David was still texting me sweetly.  I was still on the thread, trying to see what my sister was telling Crystal.  I guess I was the living dead.

It wasn’t until today… a full week later that I am crying.  I am bawling today… even before I do the Stay & Play call in which I will be my jovial self.  I am my highest and fullest self at all times, even as I go through what looks like and feels like pain.  I know that it is growth.  I do not seperate pain from pleasure from peace – it is all a part of life that must be lived and thrived through… Each phase can be enjoyable… I actually was enjoying witnessing myself through this.  It’s a skill I try to share with others.

Here is David’s  final texts… they came today (Sunday August 23)… this is in response to my pleading with him to please not leave my world – to please be my NYC King:

Once you fall in love with someone else you’ll forget about me.  You’ll thank me me one day for letting you be free.  Especially when I’m not even cutting you off forever.  But holding your hand through this is not going to make you independent enough and you’ll think every man in the world is as nice as me and then you’ll really be hurt, Kenya.  We’ll have a friendship once you move on.  That’s how it is in my world.  I had fun too and you made me feel better about life.

So that was it.  That was my summer in a nut shell.  It’s hard to write until now.  Crystal gave me power in her post that really made me know we’re on the right track in our teachings and philosophy… she gave me courage to write this and I love her dearly… Check the Post.

But the Challenge still remains.  Men and women are on two plains of growth when it comes to open relating.  My very wise husband put it simply:

Women want to be #1

Men want to be the ONLY one.

That is the paradigm.

David is reflecting me, my need to be number one!!!  AHA!  In every other way he was reflecting back the beautiful parts of me… but this one remaining reflection is still something to see.  He is reflecting me, my desire to be #1 it’s still there.  It was reflected in the famous “apology to Crystal” thread, when all of the women fought for me – my own voices fighting for me – my sister saying that Kenya is #1, Satori, Jeanine, some others… fighting ferociously that I keep that title #1…

But my new voice is saying there is no #1, my husband who is evolved and advanced saying there is no #1.

My boyfriend leaving saying he needs to be #1 – he is me!  And I see how ugly it can make things… I choose now to let it go.  I don’t want to be number one, I don’t need to be number one… I am number one to me!  That is enough.  If we were all #1 to ourselves and treating ourselves with the tender kindness we deserve, then we’d never have to worry about how others are treating us, we’d attract the same treatment we give ourselves.  We wouldn’t need to be someone else’s #1 if we were number one within!  You feel that?

Yes!  (As Gerlaine always says)

So this is my next work.  Allow myself to enjoy the fact that there is no #1.  For when I do, I will attract men who are New Paradigm as well… Why should there be?  In my vision of Universal Love there is circular love, not hierarchical.  SO what that I had the kids, so what that I am the one who has been here for 15 years, that doesn’t make anyone less important than me, and love is something that transcends hierarchy… Ohhhhh (crying again) my sweet David couldn’t see that.  But if he had, I would not be getting this lovely learning right now, about ME!  He is ME! giggle.

This morning my husband held me as I cried for my David.  He didn’t see fit to leave me alone just because I was crying over another man… this does not threaten my husband.  This is the new paradigm in love hunni, and it felt so good to be comforted.

I am creating the harmony I have envisioned and my world is advancing one more step in the direction of pure love, the only thing I live for.

Love and Light everyone.  Thanks for sharing my world. xo

• Enjoy watching new possibilities STACK UP in front of you
• Discover that you have never been a victim or villain in love!
• Obtain tools to release the past and open you to creating BLISS!
• Enjoy the thought that you don’t have to leave the situation to GET HAPPY!
• Discover the keys to sharing ideas without Shaming or Blaming anyone for your life…
• Laugh your butt off as Kenya K and Carl Stevens Share hilarious TRUTH!

THE PROGRESSIVE LOVE MOVEMENT | ONE HOUR | THREE TOOLS | FOUR RULES ENJOY THIS RECORDING FOR JUST $9.95

Let me know what you think about the excerpt,  leave your comment!  The full call and the Progressive Love Movement from Jujumama in HOT HOT HOT !  xoxo Love and Light, Kenya K Stevens

Post By Author: Carl Stevens | Rakhem Seku

This is the second response to Renee, fellow blogger, regarding my view on relationships.  Kudos to Renee for asking the kind of questions that I think most people want to hear about.  Her comments from my previous post are in italics throughout this post.  The main points I touch on here are:

(1) The masculine vs. the feminine as feeling/emotional beings

(2) The future of the open relationship

(3) Is there a #1 woman/man in the open relationship paradigm

(4) Kenya’s pain as expressed through her writing

(5) Having children with other women

Here is her original post:

“Hello Rakhem!

Thank You for your response.

I must say though, however, that you have misconstrued a couple of my questions. Either that or I didn’t explain myself clearly. 1) I never said women are driven by emotions like jealousy. I said HUMANS are driven by emotion.

Your comment about our ability to see logic over emotion seems to me to be trying to blur the masculine and feminine! The feminine lives in emotion, and this is not to say that the masculine doesn’t also do this, but the point is that it’s a masculine thing to approach things objectively and see LOGIC. The feminine mostly has a superior capacity to feel.

You must have a different idea of the masculine and feminine than I do.”

My response follows:

Just a few points because I can see already this could potentially go on forever.  Renee, You must be using your womanly powers to invoke my first and now second post on http://jujumamablog.com.

I’m sure I have misconstrued your questions on a level.  I think that’s why we will always have the relationship discussions we do because it can be tough to understand where another person is truly coming from.  It’s better to honor another person’s perspective and trust in what they say as being their truth.

That said, I do appreciate the work you do with/for women as well as being a voice for them through your blogging.  Anything I say here, I’m definitely not saying you’re wrong or you’re points aren’t valid because they are not only valid, but necessary for all of our growth.  My response to you is partly for you, but mostly to other readers who want to hear my perspective.  He we go…

–>> Logic WITH emotion.  I believe in the circular, not the hierarchical.  Yes, I agree that logic is masculine.  My point before is that we have more than emotion guiding us.  For women, I believe their choices and actions should be based on an inner intelligence that can only be gathered through surrender and allowing.  It’s almost like trusting gut instincts and allowing the inner guidance system to lead the way.  I believe this is the primary element of femininity that has been left out of society today; that trust in a woman’s inner intelligence/voice/spirit. Once we restore that we can solve world hunger, eliminate pollution, and bring peace on earth once again.  I can’t wait!

–>> The feminine does not have a superior capacity to feel over the masculine in my view.  I’m a metaphysician so I believe the feminine and masculine are the same quantitatively, but different qualitatively.  The feminine feels more broadly (meaning over a longer period of time) because the feminine is mental/visual by nature and therefore plays out scenarios over and over mentally and thus experiences (or feels) each and every time with the same intensity. It’s like reliving the same experience from different angles and reacting (feeling) to each one as if it was the first time.  In a negative context this is called worrying…

The masculine feels deeply (meaning intensely in the now).  Why?  The masculine has to take action based upon physical stimuli; therefore, it has to experience the full depth and breadth of the situation now so it can act now.  The masculine needs the extreme adrenaline rush to move it to action, but fear – not the toxicity of the hormones adrenaline and cortisol – won’t hurt future generations because men’s reproductive organs are outside it’s body.  But, trust me, the masculine felt it completely and totally.  Just because the masculine doesn’t express these emotions over days and weeks or because it doesn’t remember the details after time passes doesn’t mean it was experienced or felt any less.  This is one of the biggest mistakes both men and women make in the relationship discussion and why women assume men don’t feel.

–>>The same applies for all emotions; thus, what I used to describe feelings above applies across the range of emotion.

–>>I agree.  Very few people look at the masculine and feminine as I do.

2) The comment about the sexual and relational world – well yes, of course people are in open relationships actively right now.

BUT What I was asking was do you actually see EVERY single person in the world going in to this model of relationship? Would this be your ideal world? Because I honestly don’t believe this could happen. We are still mammals, and still feel emotions such as jealousy to help our survival. I see this wreaking a lot of havoc.”

–>>What I meant is there were entire societies that lived openly.  Historically, you will see that people lived communally and shared EVERYTHING (including each other) with no exception.  Sex and intimacy were not commodities (items to be bought, sold, or traded) like they are today.  This has been proven archeologically and there are some good books just released on this subject (See Sex At Dawn).  The ownership and monogamy model was created as communities broke up into smaller family units and land and money were passed from one generation to the next.  This represents the beginning of the imbalance of the masculine in our culture where men actually had the audacity to try to control what happens on earth after they were dead.  Classic!  As if anything on earth actually belongs to anybody.  All that said, I am a supporter of monogamy, but not a supporter that it’s the only relationship structure that works.

–>> It will never be only one way, but I do believe the idea of relating will be more balanced; meaning, less judgment around how individuals choose to relate to one another.  And it’s not a question of will this happen in our time because it’s shifting right now.  Kenya and I just represent people who are communicating about the inevitable shift that is here now.  Fifty years from now people will forget there was even a debate about this stuff.  It will be a history course (‘The History of Relationships in the Modern Age”) in college so that students can see that at one time choosing who and how you loved and related to another human being was even an issue (outside of extreme religious institutions).  I can see the professor talking to his class in my mind right now.

Professor: “Ok, class.  Which country had the highest monogamous divorce rate in the 1990s, the United States or Australia?  Billy!”

Billy: “The United States”

Professor: “No Billy!  The divorce rate was only 55% in the U.S. because of the steep costs of divorce in that country.  Australia beat the U.S. with a divorce rate of 57%.  Ok, Billy, I’ll let you redeem yourself with a true or false question.  True or false, on the average, admitted infidelity rates outpace divorce rates by 10% or more in western countries?”

Billy: “True?”

Professor: “Correct!  You get bonus points.”

“Another question: coming from my man: how can a woman or man feel like they are number 1 in this relationship model?”

–>> There is no number 1; again no hierarchy.  People would say that I treat Kenya ‘better’ because she is my wife, but I would disagree.  I treat her the way I do and love her forever no matter what because of who she is to me and because of our connection together.  If we weren’t married I would love and honor her the same way.  That’s hard to believe I know, but true for me.

“A final thing: the night when I left that comment to which you have replied, I was reading a post by your wife Kenya, and I think she is a beautiful woman. More beautiful than most. Reading of her pain with the whole ‘apology’ thing with your girlfriend really upset me.

It really hurts to read of her struggles. But I know this is me being upset based on my own values and paradigm. Perhaps she doesn’t perceive as much pain in it as I do.

But seriously, as a woman, I find it ridiculously painful to read her posts.”

–>> I believe the pain Kenya feels and expresses is the same pain many women feel or have felt or will feel at some point in their life.  Sure, a number of women will disagree with that statement, but I’m fine with that because maybe they have processed it in a way that true healing and balance have taken hold in their life and that’s wonderful.  But I’ve also counseled scores of women and the story is consistent:

(a) psychological damage around the guilt they feel about their sexuality as imposed by religion and modern cultural beliefs,

(b) SEVERE damage from scores of failed monogamous relationships starting from high school and continuing into their mid 30s and beyond (this is where a lot of the damage is done people!!!), and

(c) physiological damage from overheating their entire bodies as a result of being ‘seemingly’ forced into incorporating masculine character traits for basic survival (i.e. working, paying bills, securing themselves, protecting their children, etc.).

I believe the pain that I feel, but haven’t expressed publically is the same pain many men feel and keep a secret in hopes of one day being able to figure it out all by themselves (laughing).  For any woman/person who feels a way when reading a Jujumama blog post you can best believe there are some unresolved issues in the form of childhood trauma, unexpressed emotion, sexual abuse, pain from failed relationships, lack of love from parents and community, etc.

But on the real, this is why we teach; meaning, Kenya, you (just guessing so I apologize if I’m wrong here), and I.  It’s because WE have and are dealing with all of these issues that we are bringing up.  That’s why it bothers us so much, right?  One of my biggest personal challenges in life has been relationships and showing up as true man in my marriage.  That’s why I know so much about it, but at the same time I’m still growing in it everyday and I suspect you are too.  That’s what draws us to the subject matter.  The pain we feel when we see relationship drama and peoples struggles and OUR desire to see them become whole happy human beings.  Like an old guru said, we teach to others what we are here on earth to learn ourselves.

“Finally, you don’t have a hierarchy.

Ok….well then, why choose one woman to be your wife and have your children over another? Is this just LOGIC? Logically, this woman would be better for bearing your children?”

–>> I believe a woman should be the chooser of who she has children with and I believe all men should take responsibility for all women and all children whether they are theirs biologically or not (at least those in their communities).  At the time, I chose to have children with Kenya because she is the woman I selected as my wife and society said that’s the woman you should have children with.  But, on the real and in retrospect, I could have married or had children with any one of my past girlfriends and been perfectly ok with it.  They were all beautiful women and deserving of me as a husband and whatever else they wanted out of life including children.

Obviously, back then I was in an ownership paradigm and wouldn’t have children or be accountable for any other women or children unless they were MINE ALL MINE.  I wonder what the single ladies with children today would prefer; a man who will only be accountable for her and her children in a strict monogamous situation or men who will take responsibility and accountability for them on general principle?  Lofty?  I hope not; otherwise, the percentage of children in the western world without both a masculine and feminine role model during critical growth stages of their life may hit 70% by 2030.  I really do believe it takes a village to raise a child.

Thanks Again for this opportunity.  I look forward to your responses.

Post written by author, Carl E Stevens, Jr | Rakhem Seku

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Some comments deserve posts, in and of themselves.  This is a response to a comment from Renee, a fellow blogger friend of ours, on my wife’s post Pity Parties & Arse Crack | Fun with My Husbands Lover.  I’ll list parts of Renee’s response throughout this post in italics and my responses will follow. She asked good questions! Some I answer here are:

• What is my view of the ideal sexual and relational world?
• Don’t women WANT to be owned by men?
• Aren’t humans driven by emotions like Jealousy?
• A man cannot commit to two women!!!

These comments are in response to Renee – To see her original post and blog, The Feminine Woman, CLICK HERE.

Let’s get started with Renee’s First concern:

Please explain… So in your model of the world (how it would go) – we would all have ‘love’ and ’sex’ with all different people and we would all be higher spiritual beings whom are free to be with others? Do you really think that’s going to happen? I’m curious. And I’m not saying or implying that this open relationship lifestyle is wrong. Not at all. But this is my opinion.

Thanks for the comment and question. My model of the world including love, sex, relationships and so forth is as follows:

(1) people in touch with and in love with themselves first; meaning, an understanding and appreciation of their purpose, passions, and what they are here to contribute to the planet,

(2) people being open and honest with others concerning their feelings, passions, etc., and

(3) people relating organically based upon connection, love, and compassion.

When #1 is in place it removes many of the common emotions that tend to destroy relationships (i.e. jealousy, insecurity, greed, etc.) and replaces it with the emotions of love (giving seeking nothing in return), compersion, etc. This inner knowing or happiness is found within as opposed to without; thus, limiting the effects of “others people’s actions” upon our own emotional state. Essentially, when we humans have an understanding of who and what we are, we simply enjoy the unfolding life around us rather than allow fear and doubt a place in the mind. When we do not know ourselves, relationships become impossible. In Kemetic (ancient Egyptian) people say, “Know Thy Self”.

When #2 is in place we find ourselves attracting people who are aligned to our vibration because we no longer have to pretend to think or feel something in order to gain acceptance from others. For example, I won’t tell someone I love them if I really don’t, out of fear they may leave me or them not giving me sex. What tends to happen here is we only attract people who really appreciate our true selves and our perspectives as opposed to attracting people who pretend, wear masks, etc (just like us). Pretending ultimately equates to dishonesty, but everyone is still surprised and upset when someone shows up as being ‘dishonest’ in his or her lives. Like attracts like.

When #3 is in place we can interact with the people we are attracting to us without fear, guilt, or hesitation. This is key because we all need support in some way and ultimately ask for it (usually in our minds), but when the Universe delivers we turn those people away because they are not packaged in such a way that we are used to or we feel we may be judged for interacting with them.

The result is ultimately missing out on 90% of our lives because MOST of our experiences and opportunities come through relating to people. Most of our pleasure, money, comfort, learning, laughter, etc comes through others. These people are NOT the SOURCE but they are the vehicles for SOURCE (i.e. the messenger for what we’ve asked for). Think about all of the people in life that you had the inclination to talk to, but didn’t. Even worse, think about the people who didn’t talk to you because, well, what will people think.

So will this model, my ideal model for relating, ever happen? It already has and is happening for people right now. I believe in parallel realities; therefore, everything imaginable and that which is unimaginable has already happened and is happening. It’s our choice whether we want to step into another reality or stay in the one we are in. See the movie What the Bleep Do We Know for more details on the multiple reality concept. But the important thing is not whether other people are doing it or not, but rather what are you doing. The truth is only you exist in your Universe. The rest of us are simply cast members in this personal life journey of yours. We are simply a reflection and indication of where you right now. We’re not judging you; we’re reflecting you.

Additionally, people have already lived this way for thousands of years and throughout time. It’s more natural to love than it is to not love. It’s more natural to be free than not. It’s more natural to be abundant than poor. It’s more natural to be healthy and happy than to be sick and sad. See Abraham Hicks for more on this concept.

Women Want to Be OWNED

Are you aware, that the Famous Anthony Robbins himself, and the author David Deida say very clearly and passionately that the FEMININE wants to be OWNED??

I was not aware Tony Robbins and David Deida made those statements and although I think I understand what they are saying and would thus tend to agree; I wouldn’t put it in those words.  My belief is that the there is an aspect of FEMININE nature that wants to be secured, protected, actively engaged, and guided.  I believe this feminine principle yearns to turn off the thinking process and experience life from within which is synonymous to experiencing life as SOURCE energy and consciousness itself.

When we say ‘owned’, in this male dominated society of ours, it implies a lack of freedom and expression and true FEMININITY is by definition freedom of expression and the closest thing to SOURCE intelligence in physical form.  So I wouldn’t say owned because I believe women can, should, and must do exactly what they feel at all times and that men need to move things out of their way so they don’t hurt themselves.  The masculine should be the eyes and ears for the feminine.  Picture the male (king) lion sitting amongst his pride.  All he’s doing is standing guard ensuring the entire pride has freedom of movement and expression.  Meaning, I believe that men should be masters of the physical (or established environment) and women should the be masters of the mental (the potential environment); thus, women are creators, inventors, magicians, etc..

Commitment

“You simply cannot be committed to your wife and serve her if you’re with other women, and neither can she to you.”

Well as I state in my book men don’t commit to anything.  Women commit.  That’s another subject and a technicality because I know what you mean here.  Men can serve and honor more than one woman in my opinion and vice versa; however, I believe one man will serve each woman differently.  In theory, a man can manage and support a woman or multiple women without being physically present with her/them at all times and men and women do this all the time.

The measure for if a man is effective at doing this is of course how the woman feels.  If she feels protected and secured then she is; if she doesn’t then she’s not.  It’s hard for women to fathom a man securing, protecting, and loving more than one woman because most women don’t feel they have that with one man.  So I understand.  That’s why Kenya and I don’t recommend the open relationship for most people because until you’ve experienced a successful and fulfilling relationship with one person you won’t be able to fathom a relationship with more than one.  Until you have the three (3) keys in place as mentioned above then it really won’t happen.  It will be an amplification of the mess that people find in monogamy.

Higher Consciousness

“But, then, my views are out of date, right? I must be from an old paradigm, or lesser consciousness level?”

I honestly don’t look at Kenya or I as being on a higher consciousness level than anyone else.  We simply have a different perspective on life, love, and relationships.  We have just as much growth and development as everyone else does regardless of their religion, age, etc.  We learn how to be better people every day.  Like Kenya said in her blog post we didn’t even know how to be compassionate with one another.  Can you imagine that?  Kenya and Carl the super love gurus lacking compassion in their own relationship?  Yep, it’s true.  The whole point of Kenya blogging over the past two years is to show how regular people have challenges in real relationship situations.  The only difference is that she adds an analysis of her behavior from a Law of Attraction (LOA), Progressive Relationship, and metaphysical perspective.  For me life is circular; not hierarchical.  When we look at life hierarchically we tend to treat those at the bottom of the ladder with less respect; thus, conflicts and resentment.  That’s why I wouldn’t say that women want to be owned because it ‘implies’ hierarchy, but I honor Mr. Robbins for having the courage to say what he said.

Humans are Driven by Emotion

“The entire thing sounds as if it’s a cop-out to me. 
You can love others, but there are different types of love. Humans are driven by emotion.”

This is part of the issue and reason for the growth experiences we’ve subjected ourselves too in this thing called life.  As stated before, I don’t believe in hierarchy; thus, the emotions are not superior to our ability to reason, think logically, analyze, synthesize, intuit, etc.  The emotions are essentially energy and need to be honored, but they shouldn’t have the final say in what we as humans choose to do in life.  Energy (emotions), if left to its own devices, would travel unrestricted and consume everything in its path; thus, it needs to be coupled with thought and intelligence to maximize it’s expression and usefulness.  Emotion unchecked is what caused me to throw a lamp across the room when my wife was getting on my nerves or what causes a woman to key a car because her man was “cheating” on her.  This imbalance between emotion and reason is what we are attempting to evolve past.  That’s the metaphysically meaning to the Biblical phrase “we are all born into sin”.  We are born with a severe imbalance between our emotional being and our reasoning being; thus, as children and young adults we ‘act out’, lie, and connive as a means to get our way in life as opposed to being reasonable.  Unfortunately, we take this same behavior into adulthood; thus, the relationship drama we experience on a daily basis.

I hope this answers your questions.  I would have answered in the comments, but it wouldn’t have been complete.

Written By Author Carl E Stevens Jr | Rakhem Seku