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Posts Tagged ‘compersion’
So I have loads of people asking me this question. I mean the emails are off the hook! Why don’t you lovely people leave comments instead of these private emails? That’s the first way I know you may not be ready. Ready for what, you say? Ready for Universal Love, ready for the New Paradigm relationship, ready for expansion, luscious, sweet, delicious expansion!
OK – so you know by now if you have spent any time on this blog, that my husband and I have an open relationship. Now you also know that I fought it for a long time until I surrendered to myself, my truest self, my most lovely, divine, feminine self! And now? Well, now I am enjoying the bliss of love at new levels. I need to share some stories, maybe I will. Have been to busy to give the juicy details of my love life. WOW! That’s all I can really say…
But the emails I get are people asking me how do they know if their relationship is ready for the open thing. I caution them, most relationships are not ready. Here is a little ole checklist of attributes that I would say serve as prerequisites for this type of love… expanded and blissful love. Now mind you, some relationships will never be ready and that too is OK. This is not for everyone, but what is? LOL!
OK – so here is the list. Whether you are in a marriage or a committed relationship or single, the list still applies…
New paradigm thought is not like the old stuff. Gone are the days when we could cut the fool all week and then go to church on Sunday to be ‘forgiven’. That is a dying school of thought that lacks the component of human beings take 100% responsibility for the creation of LIFE. New Paradigm Thought does not suggest the absence of a higher power. It simply denotes the fact that a higher power infused itself into us and placed us here to grow through experiences to achieve heaven on Earth rather than after death… (no such thing as death, then?)
Here are a few remnants of that dying thing called the Western Relationship Paradigm with the emerging counterparts:
- Blame vs Responsibility
- Shame vs Tolerance
- Envy vs Acceptance
- Jealousy vs Compersion
- Grudges vs Empathy
- Anger vs Joy
Lets begin with the obvious. You chose that lover of yours now didn’t you? When things get hard, which they will, the first thing we do as Westerners is blame the other person or blame ourselves! Neither of these are going to work much longer. As Aquarius makes her way back to Earth, we are drawn in a new, sexy, direction.
Taking 100% responsibility for the situation is so liberating!
Often clients say ‘Well, Kenya K, why should I take 100% responsibility – isn’t that man or that woman 50% of the problem if not more?’. My response to them is simple. New Paradigm thought [which is actually ancient, holistic thought] is based on the fact that we all exist in our own Universe – Parallel Universes! My Universe is MINE. Everything that happens to me is a part of my Universe. Everything that happens to my mate is occurring in his Universe. So, in essence, when some shit goes down, we both have 100% responsibility for it.
When we view life in this way, we are making room for the obvious – World Peace!
Check this out…My “shamefully evolved” weekend story!
This discussion took place on one of my nationwide phone calls. It really went deeply into the topics of Open Relationships, Swinging, Monogamy and Compersion. We discussed the fact that it has been more acceptable in the past for women to settle with a man who has many women, while women who desire many men have been relegated to the ‘whore’ label. LOL! We spoke about the ancient roots of matriarchal rule as opposed to patriarchal rule. And most importantly we explored several formats for relationships that might be possibilities for couples today who are ready for something that works. Enjoy this recording – 45 minutes – and leave your comments. We welcome your views! Would have posted this on my podcast channel but cannot work the FTP – Somebody help me! Here is the Link – Download or Listen Today!
I am a black man and a cheater. Not all the time, just every now and then. The itch comes to me, and no matter what my wife does, I still can’t help but want another woman. At least for a night, or two, or three.
I love my wife very much. No woman I’ve ever met or will meet will hold a more important place in my life. I also love my kids, our house, my job and the fish in my daughter’s room. I love everything about my life at home, even though my relationship has become dull and rocky. But while I love having a strong black family, I also love being a man, and there is a part of me that just can’t handle monogamy.
I see alot of misinformation in Essence and other black women’s magazines about men and what we want. It’s silly to me, because women don’t know a thing about us. At the same time, they spend all their time talking about us. They always think they have us figured out, that we can be changed, and that they can come up with some magic formula that will control us and make us want to give them all the blissful matrimony they are seeking.
They couldn’t be more wrong.
Damn! Life is really on my a$$ right now. I am up there teaching, I also practice what I am preaching! LOL! I can’t say that it’s hard, it is no more difficult than standing on stage with your pants down. I have no problem exposing my arse if you don’t mind taking a minute to stare. I do not play around with this thing called life. Everything I preach to you, I do!
I have to!
Today I realized that my husband is a HUGE mirror – once again, here it is! Tired of hearing about the mirror? Oh, I’m sorry. Scroll down for more suitable literature. Here’s the story – So you know he has found his passion in learning, practicing and working himself into an open relationship with me. Yes, just like Will and Jada, but he said Will is gay. (I don’t think so.)
I resent it and I resent him…blah blah blah. Life is ALWAYS fair. What he does to me is my reflection of me back to ME! I know I have to find the mirror, so here goes, my Water Bending goes public. Journey with me to the core of my polyamory issue…
Wow – What an amazing me I saw in the mirror today! I was out to lunch with a guy and a gal whom I love – actually new friends and potential clients. We went to the Cheese Cake Factory – my favorite place! Odd – I didn’t have dessert…
Late in the conversation we shifted to the topic of my marriage and the fact that my husband wants us to explore polyamory and compersion, two beautiful and evolved concepts that I am both fearful and in awe of.
The brother (well, he’s a white dude, by every man is my brother) began asking me why my husband wanted to explore this and how I felt about it. He assured his lover that he would NEVER do anything like this. He mentioned that fact that maybe I was being bamboozled – well, he didn’t use that term. But he said maybe my husband is a “master manipulator”…hhmmmmm
It stabbed me in the stomach to hear ME say this – sure the ME who was speaking to ME through HIM. I thought about this comment in two ways to find the deep and profound insight…the goodies!
I LOVE Facebook! Yesterday I posted “I Want TO Own Him” on my Facebook page. I received a massive response to my writing. Four rather stimulating comments jumped out at me. Here are my thoughts on each boldly eloquent comment! I am in love with the young man who posted these! Amazing!
Read the post “I Want To Own Him” first to make sense of this post…These comments are in response to the idea that maybe human beings are not monogamous, but have been poured into an unnatural relationship mold which causes illness and stagnation. If you enjoyed the article about my wanting to Own my husband, you’ll love the comments below.
It’s a sad state of affairs people. With the infidelity rate at 60% in the United States – yes this is higher than the divorce rate – our culture is experiencing the worst relationship scenario in a long time. Women and men are simply not seeing eye to eye on the issue of fidelity. It is not as simple as we’d all like to conclude: Men just don’t want to be faithful. It is much deeper than this. I am finding quite often that men and women simply desire more than their partner can provide, sexually, mentally and spiritually. I am sure there is a bright side. There is always a bright side, right?
The issue is ownership. Should marriage equate to total ownership of another human being, his mind, body and spirit I mean? When I married at age 21 of course I believed that it did. I wanted to own my husband. I wanted to be his only source for emotional connection on an intimate level, as well, I wanted to own his body just as I suspected he wanted to own mine. I couldn’t see a socially acceptable way around this…but now, maybe like you, I find myself in a severe quandary.
