Well, there is a beginning and an end to all things, right?  And truly, if we think of life as a spiraling… and a movement upwards in a continuum of growth at all times, then there is no such thing as beginning and end, or past, present, and future.  I speak to you with words of love.  I speak to you with a voice from highest light.  I want to thank you for reading my journey of a thousand miles…Thank you for taking this journey with me.

Writing my life here, and creating this space has been a riveting experience.  I feel an overwhelming sense of support and love from all of you.  I am up to 40,000 visitors per month from all around the world and it has been with great enthusiasm that I prepared 150 sacred posts for you.  When I post, I think of all of you.  I think about the grace of love, and wonder of life, and the sheer enjoyment of evolution!  This feeling is what has kept me moving forward, as well as the bliss of your sharing.  I sit and wait for your comments like a child on Christmas day… I love knowing that someone is out there, witnessing my life.

I appreciate you.

This is my final post to the JujuMama Blog | Manifest Sexy.

I complete this cycle of my life and ready myself for the new year.  I have done what I needed to do here.  The love revolution has been televised.  I am, now, moving on.  Of course, the blog will remain awake and alive.  There are 150 posts here – that is three full length books for your reading enjoyment ~ all written free of charge, with absolute love and profound endearment.  But with this post, I end the saga – I leave a full year of my life written for all to see.  Nothing sensational about it – this has been, simply, a journey in trust and faith and love that I have allowed to come through me… to you.

Today I found a post on another blog.  I don’t read a lot.  Most of the theories on this blog are intuited…  I like to meditate and see and live a theory in order to know it.  Reading is so intellectual.  My ancestors or angels, or expansions of my imagination have informed my theories… But today I found this.  THIS is the quintessence of what I have meant to say all this time. I do hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  I offer it as a final post here on Jujumama | Manifest Sexy.

Thank you again.  You can always contact me by coming here and clicking “Make An Appointment”.  I am always with you on facebook and twitter and linked in and email – mail@jujumama.com.  I am always your Manifestation and Sexy Love Coach… but this journey, this blog journal, this amazing ride is done.  Enjoy this final post!

I’m Sorry I Love You: Simple Steps to Healing
by Dr. Joe Vitale

Two years ago, I heard about a therapist in Hawaii who cured a complete ward of criminally insane patients – without ever seeing any of them. The psychologist would study an inmate’s chart and then look within himself to see how he created that person’s illness. As he improved himself, the patient improved.

When I first heard this story, I thought it was an urban legend. How could anyone heal anyone else by healing himself? How could even the best self-improvement master cure the criminally insane?

It didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t logical, so I dismissed the story…

However, I heard it again a year later. I heard that the therapist had used a Hawaiian healing process called ho’oponopono. I had never heard of it, yet I couldn’t let it leave my mind. If the story was at all true, I had to know more.

I had always understood “total responsibility” to mean that I am responsible for what I think and do. Beyond that, it’s out of my hands. I think that most people think of total responsibility that way. We’re responsible for what we do, not what anyone else does. The Hawaiian therapist who healed those mentally ill people would teach me an advanced new perspective about total responsibility.  [Well, I don't know about new and advanced... The ancients have been practicing this in the jungles of time for a millennium].

His name is Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. We probably spent an hour talking on our first phone call. I asked him to tell me the complete story of his work as a therapist. He explained that he worked at Hawaii State Hospital for four years. That ward where they kept the criminally insane was dangerous. Psychologists quit on a monthly basis. The staff called in sick a lot or simply quit. People would walk through that ward with their backs against the wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was not a pleasant place to live, work, or visit.

Dr. Len told me that he never saw patients. He agreed to have an office and to review their files. While he looked at those files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal.

“After a few months, patients that had to be shackled were being allowed to walk freely,” he told me. “Others who had to be heavily medicated were getting off their medications. And those who had no chance of ever being released were being freed.”

I was in awe.

“Not only that,” he went on, “but the staff began to enjoy coming to work. Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. We ended up with more staff than we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff was showing up to work.”

This is where I had to ask the million dollar question: “What were you doing within yourself that caused those people to change?”

“I was simply healing the part of me that created them,” he said.

I didn’t understand.

Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life – simply because it is in your life – is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation.

Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life.

This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy – anything you experience and don’t like – is up for you to heal. They don’t exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn’t with them, it’s with you, and to change them, you have to change you.

I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr. Len, I began to realize that healing for him and in ho’oponopono means loving yourself. If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone – even a mentally ill criminal – you do it by healing you.

I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing, exactly, when he looked at those patients’ files?

“I just kept saying, ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ over and over again,” he explained.

That’s it?

That’s it.

Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, you improve your world.

In short, [Dr. Len says] there is no “out there” out there. It would take a whole book to explain this advanced technique with the depth it deserves. Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there’s only one place to look: inside you.

And when you look, do it with love…

I offer Tears of Joy, lovelies!  Wasn’t that beautiful?

Full Circle.

Best and Bliss

Love Always

JujuMama xoxo

Kenya K Stevens

Signing off.

Wow – yesterday I wrote a post on my blog – a very personal sharing about my 14th wedding anniversary and how I cried all morning…

Today I got an interesting comment from a reader named “Lovely”.  I thought I’d use the comment to create for you the image of what a Progressive Relationship actually looks like…  Remember – a Progressive Relationship is not just between lovers… we are talking friends, business partners, and family relations… any of these can be made Progressive!

So this comment hit me at the core.  You have been there, right?  Some “lovely” individual says something to you that bugs you – you dismiss it to save face in the moment, but then resent the person for saying that bullshit?  You get upset that the person had the nerve to say it and then you just take that anger and sit on it for a while,  spread it into your Liver, and your Spleen, and your digestion suffers because instead of dealing with the matter in a Progressive way, you are suppressing your anger?  Or maybe not, maybe you share the story with friends in your Amen corner… and they agree – HOW DARE they say that to you!  You should retaliate, giirrll.  LOL!  Old paradigm folly.

Here is the Progressive way to deal with these “lovely” individuals… because they are not ‘out of line’ – they are beautiful reflections of YOU.  In fact, you attracted them to say just what they said…  Taking things personally is old paradigm news.  It’s so easy to get into the new paradigm, it will make you into a better person and it will make your liver, spleen and digestion much happier!

Here is how to do this – I encourage you to try it… and here is how I dealt with the comment from the reader…

The first premise is that we attract our mirror image… ‘We only attract who and what we are…’.  You’d have to agree with this premise in order to have a Progressive Relationship with anyone, including yourself.  If we do not view life in this way, that we are attracting the people who show up in our lives, then we are simply attracting random kooks to us, in random ways that may or may not be ‘fair’ then we must view ourselves as helpless, hopeless victims.  And that we are not.  Being progressive about these matters means that we literally shift our world view to a deep inner KNOWING that we are Creators of our lives, all of our life experiences happen because we called them to grow us…

That is heavy to some, but when we accept this kind of thinking, we actually become the co-creators of our lives that we were meant to be rather than helpless victims in someone else’s story… right or right?  OK so lets proceed.

So here is the comment “lovely” left – and then I will analyze the comment and how I created or attracted it.  Again, it is imperative that we begin to see the beauty in all of our life experiences, and in all the lovely messengers who come to us – and indeed who we have attracted for our greatest good!

LOVELY’s COMMENT: I “get it” it! I love this blog [post],  however I have a question; Was it intended to be focused on Progressive Relationships or the embrace of our sensuality? I appreciate your willingness to be transparent, however I don’t want to be convinced. I also honor that there gets to be a space for those who share. However, it’s starting to become a religion.

What I like about this space is the exploration of sex, sensuality, tantra and The Universal Law. This is not meant to criticize, it’s meant as a request for “balance”. I think you’ve made your point. You’ve asked the right questions. The truth is also that some of us can “intellectually” get amorous loving; but it’s best that not everyone chooses that prior to maturity. The request is to create a space for “both/and” not “either/or”.

See, I “get” your feelings of not wanting to be like your mother. I “get” the tears you shared of “not playing full out” earlier. I get that a woman first and a person who has loved, lost and awakened. In fact, I’ve recently had one myself! So, share your story AND continue to teach principles and include those who don’t “share” or flirt with “sharing” in the conversation, as “real conscious” choice. This discussion to me is beyond sex and sharing, it’s about getting off of automatic, creating our own path and the willingness to not please everyone. Can you receive that?

I posted here because you often joke about the private messages.

Lovely.

So when I read the message my personality (which is not my actual self, recall that human beings are dual creatures, we are Pure Source Energy AND Dynamic -or changeable – Personality in the same body) went ballistic!!!!  I said to myself – what nerve!  This is my blog and a blog is a web log – a public diary of sorts,  a place to document your own life or whatever the hell you choose to document!  I can write whatever I want!  This is my space.  Who the hell is “lovely” to tell me what to write on my own damned blog.  Lovely did not leave the link to her blog!  Blogs are hard work and done for FREE!  Where is lovely’s financial contribution to my 120 posts that I have worked on for the past two years?  Where is Lovely when I work all night to complete a new story?  Where is Lovely who gives me the courage to continue on even in the face of fear!  Please!

I mean, think about it.  I went to wordpress, paid money for the domain, set up the blog, paid people in India to configure the blog, I sit and write for hours on the blog and so I get to share what I want to share!  Who is to say what I write?  Correct?

But then Pure Source Energy – Peace Itself – kicked in and I allowed the comment to take on a new and progressive light.  After all, if I apply my own Progressive Relationship information – a document and model that I crafted with my very own Mac and my very enlightened thoughts, I would have to look at “Lovely” for the lovely person she is.  I created Lovely!  I called her forth from the Universe to share ME with me.  She is my mirror image.  So what is she reflecting about me?  What is the purpose of what most would consider pure folly?

Well, that is simple.

We attract who we attract for three reasons…

1. We attract what we expect based on our past experiences
2. We attract who we are – the parts of us that are unseen to us, we see in others…
3. We attract the traits that we seek to develop in our own characters

So that said.  In this situation, I attracted lovely for all three reasons.  Here they are:

1.  We attract what we expect. I attracted Lovely to come to my blog, tell me not to write what I write about my own life, in the way that I chose, because that is what I have always expected!!  Listen up!  When I first began this blog, I thought to myself.  Who in the hell wants to read my thoughts?  Who is going to actually click to my story and read me and find some value in me… What am I doing?  I am sharing my life!  This is nuts!  People will find fault with me, they will shun me, they will say that my ideas are far fetched and that my notions are not valid.  Blah Blah Blah F.E.A.R – Fals Evidence Appearing Real.  I did not expect to be well received…

Now = 68,000 visitors later, 489 comments later…  I must still have remnants of that expectation… What do I mean “I must?”  I DO!  Lovely is showing me that I do.  This is why I created her… you see that?

Lovely has shown me that in order to attract better, I have to expect better! I have to actually shift my vibration upwards to believe that I can write what I write, in the way that I write, and for the purpose from which I write, in MY way.  I have to EXPECT that others will find it useful and fabulous!  I can expect that this will happen ALL OF THE TIME.  Why not?  But currently, I don’t.  I obviously do not as I am attracting lovely, Lovely who comes to show me that I am not.  That is the real purpose of relationships, right?  To grow.  Grow how?  Grow into a Peaceful Powerful Productive human being on Planet Earth.  So Lovely is helping me.  She is saying without words “see, this is what you expect and I will give it to you – is this what you want, Kenya K?  Oh no?  Well you have to shift that old expectation, DIVA!”

Fabulous!  Yes?  And in this way, and from this vantage point, I actually LOVE Lovely.  I love her because she shows me where I am in my expectations… and what I must do to evolve.  What a blessing!

So you see that?  You can apply this one in your relationships too!  If you have a hard time with it, call me, we’ll talk!

2.  We attract from others a reflection of our shadow selves. The second thing that I must analyze about Lovely is that she represents the shadow part of me… This is a part that may go unseen to my own self.  The Africans say that you cannot see your own ass crack – it takes others to show us our shit.  Tee Hee Hee…  It is clear that Lovely has an issue with what I wrote.  She said it was problematic because the open relationship thing that I do here is annoying to her, or at least overdone.  I need to “balance” out my posts and be sure to make reading enjoyable for all, including those who are not yet “mature” enough for an open relationship.  OK.  So how is this showing me a shadow part of myself?  Good question!

Simple answer.  I too have an issue with certain things – a great many things.  I still have an issue, for instance, with my brothers and sisters who happen to be Caucasian bloggers who talk about ritual as thought they have just discovered it – like Columbus ‘discovered’ America.  They talk about a “cool, new” candle ritual, for instance, as thought Africans and Asians and Native Americans have not done these rituals since the beginning of time.  They talk about Law of Attraction as though it is new and was not practiced by the Dogon, the Aztecs, the Aboriginals – all groups that were deemed heathens in the modern world.

I take issue with them!  And I have no right to…  I can take issue with THAT but not issue with THEM… And I can’t take my issues with THAT out on THEM by trying to make THEM change in order to please me… Now that is Progressive Lurve… FO YA!

So I comment about it when I see it.  Granted, and at this stage of my evolution, I may not comment on the blog in a rude way, because – as a blogger – I now respect the spaces these bloggers create.  It is their space, and so what business do I have commenting negatively, asking them to change so that I can be more pleased?  But what I do is that I comment in my mind, and to my husband and frankly to anyone who will listen about my displeasure with the entire situation.  I get angry that these bloggers don’t “Get It”!  LOL!  They need to “balance” their modern world view with MY world view.  There were people here 30,000 years ago doing just what they do now!  They need to WAKE UP!  Oh – and by the way, I always preference the topic just as lovely did – “no offense but…” or “I love the blog post, however”… LOL!

So OMG.  I am the same as Lovely!  I want people to change so that I can be contented! Lovely has shown me my Lovely reflection.  And again, by doing so, she grows me, if I can receive it.  She ask me, “can you receive this?” and the answer is YES YES YES!  I receive this blissful moment in time, I look within at the drop of a dime, I ring my evolution chime… I receive you girl, I receive you!

3.  We attract people who have developed the traits we need to develop. Finally lovely has shown me a piece of myself that I need to develop.  I am in love with Lovely for this one, I mean really.    Lovely addressed me based on her personal needs.  She has shown me how to speak about needs, personal needs!  She said that she wants a both/and paradigm, she wants balance, she wants tolerance.  This is something that I need to learn to do more… that is, speak of my own personal needs in a clear and determined way.

No, it does not have to come out like venom,  and Lovely’s communication was sweet!  Nw don’t get me wrong…  I don’t have to want caucasian bloggers to show me that they know that Africans were not heathens, but enlightened beings on the planet doing miraculous stuff.  This pet peeve of mine is simply that, a pet peeve, these bloggers do not have to write as I want them to.  However, I do have to know that I have a personal need, similar to Lovely.  That is:  I want truth about indigenous people to be known.  I want the people who first interpreted the Law of Attraction and other Laws of the Universe to be given their due.  I want that!  That is my personal need and desire and it is valid!

Knowing what I want is VERY VERY important and Lovely knows what she wants.  She has shown me how to describe, in living color and with great candor, my own personal needs.  She demonstrated that to me very well in her comment.  Fabulous!  I take the lesson and will do this more and more!

But, back to lesson #2, what I must stop doing is thinking that someone has to change for me to get what I want and need… Those bloggers do not have to change for my personal needs to be taken care of.  Hell, I could simply start a blog called INDIGENOUS GENIUS and list all the various ways that the indigenous people have made a mark in creating metaphysical truths the world over!  YES!  And I could leave lovely, encouraging, comments on those blogger’s pages with links to my IG blog, explaining that they should check it out! OH YES YES YES! I could even support those bloggers by providing cool informaiton about the roots and foundation of the Law of Attraction, whichi sof course in Ancient culture!  That is what I will do!  But I’d have to know my personal needs as well as Lovely knows hers in order to do that, now wouldn’t I?

SO thank you Lovely.  You are just that.  A Lovely lesson, a beautiful person, my creation and my saviour…

And you see, now I can love you sincerely and honestly instead of faking like I was not upset by the comments.  It is ok to get upset as long as real wholistic thought kicks in and we measure our feelings with the scale of Progressive Relating.  In this way, tolerance and true love is born… the kind of love to be shared with all!

Bliss and Light to you!

OMG – just checked my comments.  Another one from Lady Diana.  Same message as above applied.  I love you bright lights!  I love you so much!  Thank you for being YOU…

JujuMama xoxoxo

WOW!  This is the first year in 14 years that I did not have birthday sex.  Usually I trip about the entire thing.  This year, I have evolved…  My husband was out doing a tantra session after our HUGE DC Event last night.  The Sexiest Seminar went long in DC and then we had an after party on U Street.  Fabulous!

After the after party, there was a woman who wanted a personal tantra session.  My husband reluctantly asked me if it was OK to do this on my birthday, I suppose he recounted the years I have gone completely ballistic when he ignored my conditioned behavior pattern of wanting sex specifically on my birthday.  He recalls the times I tripped out when it didn’t seem to be forthcoming.  He seemed fearful in the asking, but I said YES.  YES, go and have a session with this lovely young lady.  This is your job…

And I was fine.  I went out with another young lady, a good friend of mine, and we sat outdoors at Starbucks and talked all night!  Finally when I went to bed at 5:00 AM after walking our Min Pins, I was proud of myself.  I hadn’t tripped, hubby wasn’t home yet, and I slept.  Amazing!

To most this seems mundane, but to me, knowing my ‘stuff’ and owning my ‘stuff’ I feel totally evolved!  There was a time when I had a conditioning about sex on certain days and at certain times.  For instance, if we were staying in a hotel, there should be sex; New Year’s Eve, sex; of course birthdays (his and mine) sex sex sex; and I really wanted sex on demand after a date with him or when celebrating success.  Not only did I want sex on these days and times, I wanted HIM to want it just as I did.  If he were to sleep or plan something else, I would lose my peace completely!

There isn’t really a problem with these conditionings except that if it were not possible, say we spent New Year’s at our parents, or we found ourselves apart for one of these days, maybe he was on a business trip or whatever, I would lose my temper and become upset.  So now, I feel that I am growing out of it!  Finally.

This is The Progressive Relationship© at work.  Sure I could blame him for being insensitive to my needs.  He should just know that I want sex and provide it, right ladies?  But I know better…  I know that the purpose of my relationship is growth – the benefit is love.  SO I will always be tested to come beyond my comfort zone.  And when I do, I learn to stand peacefully and accept a new way of looking at life, a new idea about what should be, and a new persona arises from the ash…  It works this way for all of us and for all of our conditioned behavior patterns.

We all come with a package of old thoughts, ideas, beliefs and ‘must haves’ to our relationships… growing beyond these, to the point where it does not effect us adversely when we do not have ‘our way’, is the very stuff that relationships are made for.  Some call it compromise, I think that word is too light.

I am not compromising with my husband when I can’t have sex on a date that I am conditioned to want sex.  I am giving up the OLD, Controlling, parts of me (or I may be choosing to not give up that part of me).  When I get outside of the comfort zone I can choose to give up the part of me that is pre-wired for this or that habit to continue.  In giving this up, I am also releasing attachments to having everything my way.  In releasing old attachments, I become flexible, lean, conscious and evolved…

Does this mean that I will never have birthday sex again!  NO!  It simply means that I will never lose my composure ~ indeed, my peace ~ when circumstances or his choices make it impossible.  I used to be OK with circumstances making it impossible, but if he directly CHOSE not to give it to me, or chose to do something else instead, I fumed.  This fuming causes illness in the mind, body and spirit.  I don’t want illness – so I grow.

Thanks everyone who sent lovely messages to me for my birthday on Facebook!  You ROCK!  And thanks to my husband who is so kind, sweet, strong and masculine!  You ROCK!  And thanks to the higher parts of myself ~ I finally see the freedoms my choices can create!  I choose my emotional state, it does not choose me… Thus I am FREE!

Muah!

xoxoxox

OK folks, I was saving this content for my upcoming book, The Progressive Relationship™. However, there seems to be a little bit of confusion.  So you know I have to clear it up.  I love clarity and light… how about you?

So today I am going to define what I call A Progressive Relationship™.  This is just my opinion and the basis of my work…  You have to define for yourself what you think a progressive relationship is.  Or maybe you’ll make it easy on yourself and agree with my assessment.

The reason for the huff is that many believe that when I say Progressive Relationship I mean an Open Relationship…  That simply is not so.  As I review my past 100 posts,  I can see how this could have been misconstrued…

An open relationship can be progressive, and a monogamous relationship can be progressive, in fact gay or lesbian, family  or work-related, partnerships or spiritual unions…  Any style or format of relating can be considered progressive.

Here are my four principles on Progressive Love…

JujuMama’s Attributes of Progressive Relationship™

➢    The Purpose is Growth | The Benefit is Love
➢    No Bail Outs | No Cop Outs
➢    No Victims | No Villains
➢    No Blame | No Shame

These are the four easy principles that I have come up with to formulate my ideas around Progressive Love…

The Progressive Relationship™ is based on purpose.  A quick way to summarize this purpose is Growth.  The purpose of the relationship is growth.  This is true for all Progressive Relationships.  In my opinion, if both parties in a relationship understand that the point of the union is so that both parties will grow, then that couple is living in the Progressive Paradigm.

The old paradigm states that the purpose of a relationship is love, romance, good times, and happiness.  Well, I happen not to agree.  I feel the purpose of a relationship is so that all parties involved will grow their character traits beyond where they were when they entered the union…and indeed until they are exactly who they came to Earth to become!

Example:  Lover A and Lover B unite in marriage.  Or maybe they just shack up!  LOL!  Lover A is used to closing down when she is angry.  She will not communicate.  Lover B wants to know what is going on when she is angry.  Lover A will have to grow beyond her comfort zone to comply with his wishes.  And because this change will not happen over night, Lover B will have to come out of his comfort zone to be patient enough to allow this growth and to be diplomatic enough to spur this growth…

How beautiful.

The Benefit of The Progressive Relationship™ is love.  Sure, we all want that good feelings, and the smoochy stuff from the Soap Operas or the Movies.  Fabulous!  This is the benefit of having a Progressive Relationship.  When a couple realizes the purpose of the relationship then she or he can always choose to be happy, even in the midst of drama!

Sure, love, romance, good times, and happiness are important, but they are choices.  It is one’s choice, always, in the Progressive Relationship to be happy, or feel loved.  It is not something that one or the other is providing to one or the other… In the Progressive Relationship we know that happiness, even the feeling of being loved, comes from within!

Here is what I mean.  If Lover A knows that this relationship will intrinsically push her out of her comfort zone, I mean if she is expecting it, then she will know, even in the heat of the moment, the relationship is just doing it’s thing!  The relationship is forcing her to grow, which can feel uncomfortable.  However, because she knows to expect the gift of personal development, or being pushed to develop, she will more readily be able to make a choice in the moments of contention to see the big picture!  And then she has the option to choose t be happy.

Thus, she will be less confused when trouble ensues, and she will be more able to come back to center by telling herself “You know what, the purpose is growth.  I need to grow beyond who I used to be, beyond the pain of my past, and when I do, I will be a better person.  Lover B is literally making me a better person even as I feel this pain right now based on what he has done…”

Do you good people understand that?  Isn’t it really simple?  I think it is, but that is only because I live in a progressive relationship…

As a side note, a reader once called me an exhibitionist because I share all of my personal stories here.  But what I am doing, as an artist, and a writer, is sharing with you the ups and downs of Progressive relationships; I am attempting to show what a progressive relationship looks like.  It ain’t always pretty!  But it is always beneficial to both parties, especially when the individuals involved know that all of this s&$^@ is happening for a reason, for a purpose, and that purpose is growth…

No Victims No Villains… I talk about this one a lot.  This came to me one day as I was doing a lecture on the North American Slave Trade.  I purported that there are no victims and no villains… we choose, we are all creators and choosers of our experiences.  Pretty Progressive thought, yes?

So the phrase simply means that Lover A and Lover B are choosing life.  No one is ‘doing anything’ to them.  They are not “doing anything “ to each other… They are simply attracting from one another one of three things:

a.    What they expect of each other (sun-consciously)
b.    What and who they are (they see the mirror)
c.    What they desire to learn from one another

So that is REALLY easy right, it took me years to develop these principles and I developed them as I lived them in my relationship.  I saw them and intuited them from the heavens, I suppose, but they work and they are very progressive.

So if my husband isn’t the bad guy, then whom will I blame for my trouble?  Should I blame myself?  Well, no really.  There is no such thing as fault in a Progressive Relationship.

DO you recall doing something ‘bad’ when you were little, and your sister said ohhhhhh, you gone get in trouble!!!! And you were scared shitless because your parents were going to blame you.  They were going to find fault with you?  Wouldn’t it have been nice if they had this idea or notion of progressive relating?  If they had, they would not have blamed you for kicking over the lamp, they would instead try to find the energetic reasons that the lamp was broken.  They would have asked themselves, why is our daughter kicking the lamp?  Is someone in the house angry, is there a negative vibration near us, honey, and are we angry at one another?  What is the real purpose for this?

Then they would have cuddled you and asked you if you were ok, was school going ok?  Were you having any issues with them that you weren’t telling them?

Ahhhhh, sweet glimpse into our progressive future!  Yes, my theories will become the status quo someday.  I realize I am ahead of my time, but this is the real deal!  No child is simply ‘bad’ kicking over lamps, that child is troubled and being affected by the environment and the energy of that environment and that family and thus and therefore ‘acting out’.  He is not a victim, and he is not a villain… he is an energetic being responding and reacting and showing everyone where the family is as a whole!

That’s a mouth full… but in like manner, your husband is not a villain, sleeping all day, ignoring you and being an asshole for no reason, it is energetic, you are attracting that behavior right out of him and he is attracting your nagging, constant complaining and disgruntledness!  There is an energetic significance and once we explore that instead of placing blame, we can have profound healing and deep change from the root level of being!

Whoa!

OK

So No Blame No Shame speaks for itself.  In the Progressive Relationship, this is the way we language ourselves.  So if there are no victims and no villains, then there is no blame or shame.  These are action words.  So in our conversation s with our loved ones we don’t blame them verbally for our issues or shame them verbally when we have an issue with something they did, rather, we get Progressive!

Let’s get progressive ya’ll!

We simply state our concerns in a way that brings froth our own growth…

Let’s say that Lover A and Lover B have had a falling out.  Lover B has been going out to the strip club too often and is spending loads of money there.  Lover A has been busy and thus too preoccupied to call this fool out prior, but tonight she wants to talk about it.

In an Old Paradigm relationship the convo goes like this:

I’m tired of you going gout to the club.  I am working hard and you seem to be spending money that we don’t have.  Plus I want you to get an AIDS test; if you bring an illness in here on me I will kill you!  I hate that you want to hang out there with those hussies instead of here with me.  The kids are always home alone in the evening and where is their dad, hanging out with strippers!

Progressive, No Blame No Shame goes like this:

WOW – this is a weird night.  I have been trying to find the reasons that I created this situation for myself.  I go to work everyday, I come home to the kids and I am without my love.  I love my love, but I am without him.  I really feel like I haven’t yet found the purpose of this.  Can you help me?   I know that you know… I did think about my Dad and how he was out all of the time in the streets Maybe I have recreated that.  I will do anything to uncreate it.  Maybe you and I can work some tantra tonight and I can re-vision that and let that memory go.  I want to create a situation that I love and feel loved in return!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I know, you guys are like, WTF???????????????????

No Bail Out – No Cop Outs – This one is simple.  In love, there will be trying times, times that test us, times that take us outside our comfort zones.  This is why I write so candidly about my own relationship drama on my blog, it is because as of yet there has not been a sit-com or soap opera that shows two people facing drama and working it out in a Progressive way… IE in a way that does not charge one partner the other as a victim or villain…

In a Progressive Relationship there is never a need to Bail Out or Cop Out.  A Bail out is just leaving the situation physically when things get rough.  No, I don’t mean driving away from the house, I mean literally packing the bags, leaving and filing for a divorce.  That is a Bail Out.  This often happens when Lover A or B feel that the relationship is just too painful, they feel that they are not capable of staying any longer or maybe the other partner is “abusive” and so forth.

No way am I asking anyone to be in a home where their life is threatened, btw, what I am saying is that leaving is not an option in an Progressive Relationship.  Bailing out is seen as a full frontal dismissal of the valuable lessons than the Universe is teaching through that situation that seems so difficult to stomach.

Do ya’ll hear me?  Don’t squint your eyes like that.

The Progressive Partner in a Progressive relationship understands that the purpose is growth.  Thus, there is literally nothing that she or he cannot grow beyond.  Whether it is anger, fear, violence or so forth, there is a reason for it and in the Progressive Relationship there is even a catch phrase to remind us of that reason…

“We Only Attract Who and What We Are…”

That is the entire theory behind the No Bail Out No Cop Out Principle.  If Lover A or B were to leave, instead of grow, then that lesson they were learning in the “terrible” situation will be bound to repeat itself… it would have to!

Think of how silly it would be for you to walk bout of the tenth grade because it is “just to hard” and then expect to be passed to the eleventh grade the next year… Please!  You have to pass the course work from the tenth!  THEN and only THEN will you be passed to the eleventh!  Same with a divorce.  Lover A may feel good to leave, she may feel like she is ready to have the love of her life now that she got rid of that fool, Lover B.  But guess what?  She didn’t complete the course work, so the lesson is bound to repeat itself.  This is how the Universe ordered life.

Cop out is similar.  Copping out means exiting the relationship mentally.  SO you stay, but you ain’t happy about it god dammit!  You don’t want to do it, but you stay for the kids, you stay for the money, you stay because you have nowhere else to go.  Bull!  This is called Copping out.  We must remain present and active in our relationships if we are calling it a Progressive relationship… If not – go ahead and wallow!  LOL!

YES!  This is the progressive relationship paradigm.  It’s what I teach, its what I work to live (not without challenges which is why I share the truth on this blog) it is what I teach my children, my clients, my friends, it is why I was born…

And as you can see it has nothing to do with having an open relationship, however, if one partner desires itm there is room for growth into it, there is room for anything in a progressive relationship because

The purpose is growth
The benefit is love
No Bail Outs or Cop Outs
No Villains or Victims
No Blame No Shame

“Millions of people are suffering: they want to be loved but they don’t know how to love. And love cannot exist as a monologue; it is a dialogue, a very harmonious dialogue.” – Osho

SO what do you think?

I love to know your thoughts!

Muah!

Thanks for taking a second to check this out….

So here we go again  A wonderful thing, LOVE, unevenly distributed in the course of modern history between Special Love and Universal Love.  It’s time to balance the scales.  So what am I talking about, right?  What is the difference between Universal Love and Special Love.  This article will explain all of it and even give you ideas on how to balance these energies in your life.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBAqYCBGP_o]

The real question is, why does this matter?  So what if Modern Societies are polarized in Special Love?  Well, the issue with this lack of balance will become clear to you once you understand the difference between the two types of love.

First – Let’s talk about Special Love a moment. Special love is the real essence of Western Romance.  This is when we “fall in love” and immediately apply special love.  “I love this person more than any other person and I want this person to love me back with the same brand of special love – I want him or her to love me more than anyone else”.

Often, women who fall in love have friends who complain that they never see the woman anymore.  She is in love and hiding out in the love shack with her new man.  However, when the love inevitably fizzles or “cools down” the woman in question reemerges and wants to rekindle friendships.  This is a perfect example of the complexities of Special Love.

When we decide that we can love a new lover with Special Love thus pushing all of our friends down on the Love scale, we create hierarchy.  Essentially what we are doing is segmenting ourselves and separating ourselves from others.  When isolation seeps in and the Special Love becomes compromised, which it must as the obvious lack of balance would make any love rocky, then we come back to our friends.

This is not all together a positive scenario.  Resentment builds and often, friends do not accept us in the same way they did prior to being pushed down the scale of Love.  These friends are not off the hook, they too were applying Special Love with the absence of Universal Love when they decided to get upset with the original culprit!

Do you see that?

Special Love is detrimental to the health of good friendships when not balanced with Universal love.  If both the friends and the newly smitten were to think about implementing Universal Love which states that we can love anyone on the planet, everyone on the planet for different reasons but with the same intensity, they human beings thrive in Love.

If the woman who falls in love with a man were to value even her friendships with the same intensity she values her new lover, she may have been able to stave off disharmony.  In other words, if she were to have balanced her love for him with her love for everyone else on the planet, she may not have been so insecure, needing him to love her with heightened intensity in order for the relationship to work out.

Let’s just imagine what her love life would have been if she had included her friends as Deep Loves, her family as Deep Loves, the Starbucks guy as a deep love… She would essentially be fed from these lovers just as much as her new man could feed her.  This way, she is protected from having to depend on one Special Lover to fulfill all of her needs, which is impossible either way!

But there is more! We give Special Love to our children and family (or race and nationality).  Great!  Nothing wrong with that, right Kenya K?  Well, I never said there was anything wrong with special love, what I am saying is that Special Love has to be balanced with Universal Love.

So when we give our blood family Special Love, what we essentially do is state to the Universe that we love this set of people in such a way, and that we cannot or do not need to love others in this way.  And that may not seem like a big deal, but look at the results of both brands of Special Love.

Let’s turn an eye at the family Special Loves.  So we are born into families and they soothe us, most of the time, these family members are special, they are our kin.  We love them MORE than anyone else, especially as young people, and we value them over others in our environments.  Great!  Well what of the fact that even in the kinship group, all of our needs will never be provided for?  If we find, some day, that our mother just isn’t the type of person to pick us up when we are down and make us feel better, if we apply Special Love, we may not go out seeking the help of another.  We may feel lost inside ourselves, when it would be so simple and easy – if we practiced and learned Universal Love – to find that attribute in another…

But this is what we say to ourselves.  I don’t want to burden an outsider with my ‘personal business’.  I don’t know those other women like that.  Those women don’t know me like I know my mother and herein lies the problem.

If we were to simply open to the notion that anyone can love us and that we can love anyone and that there is no reason to apply Special Love in all cases and at all times, then we could be free to receive healing bliss from just about anyone in the world!

This happens often, so please don’t tell me that you have never seen it.  There is a child in a family who is like the Black Sheep of that family.  He or she feels like he doesn’t fit in.  Instead of opening to the possibility that they can find people who are just like themselves in the outer world, they resign themselves to being the outsider in their own families.  They want special Love from mother or father when essentially if they applied Universal Love they could get this deep healing from anyone!

It just so happens that I am the Black Sheep in my family.  For years I wanted my family to understand me, to accept me, to love me for who I am.  But they could not.  This hurt very deeply, and I hadn’t the tools to think of this as a way to embrace Universal Love, find my clan elsewhere… If I could have done this sooner, I would have no reason to be mad at my family.  I could still give them special love as my blood people, AND have a unit of individuals that I loved JUST AS MUCH in the world beyond my family.

So now do you see what I am talking about when I say Universal Love and Special Love.

I think that the reason some do not opt for this is that they cannot see how it would work in marriage.  OK, fine, family is cool. people often go find another clan to love them beyond family (well, if they are lucky).  But in terms of relationships, individuals feel that if this one person, their “soul mate” cannot give them what they need, the marriage or relationship is doomed, when in affect it does not have to be.

So let’s imagine that there is a marriage of two people who get along most of the time, but one does not like to go out and party while the other one does.  Why wouldn’t the vivacious one find friends, male and female to go party with.  And why wouldn’t the shy one be HAPPY to see their mate having other loving friends whom they share a deep bond with to go and play at the club sometimes?  Why not?

I will tell you why not.  Jealous and envy win out, at the moment, over Universal Love.  The stronghold that Special Love has is only to the extent that jealousy and envy are accepted as real, normal and acceptable.Insecurity is the blockage that keeps us from embracing the concept of Universal Love in this way.

Just because one partner in the marriage finds joy in other love interests (friends) does not mean that he or she does not have Special Love for the other partner!  Right, or right?  You tell me what I am missing here.  Please help me out because I just do not get it!

And it gets worse.  Special Love is the order of the day, as well, due to the fear couples may have for their mates enjoying sex with another party.  If there is this FREE FORM Universal Love in m=place, wouldn’t that also mean that partners could love another with so much intensity that it would lead to sex?  Well, to be frank, the answer is HELL YES!  And what of it?

What of it is this:  People are afraid to lose their lovers to the concept of Universal Love.  People are holding on tight to Special Love and the demand of this love from partners due to fear.  As you know, the architects of this form of love are the very ones who wanted to own land, rivers, dirt roads and people! For goodness sake….

So if we want to continue to enforce this  dated value system, then we MUST hang on to the ideas and principles of Special Love to the exclusion of Universal Love.  If we want something new, that may work better, we have to be open to Universal Love…

I say we ignite BOTH forms of love into the world and stop worrying so much about loss.  The only things we lose are those things that we grasp until they die.  We don’t lose them because they don’t want us.  We lose them because the life blood has been squeezed out and the no longer have souls!  They cannot be with you to the expense of their own souls and so they leave…

Period.

Simple Solutions:

1. Try practicing the art of Universal Love
2. Embrace new people as though you are meeting a new lover
3. Share your life with strangers just as you would with family
4. Open to the notion that we are all connected.
5. Revel in the wonderful things you see in people, male or female.
6. Share your compliments with others freely.
7. Open up when you meet someone new.
8. Allow touch to enter your transaction with even strangers
9. Open to intimacy with all people (not sexual if you do not wish, but intimate and loving)
10. Treat your Special Lovers with intimacy and always tell them why you love them.

If you start here, you will go far!

Until Next Time, It’s Kenya K!

Bliss and Light

Stay open as you read. I Don’t mean to be harsh.  This is a polemic…

TEST YOUR SEXUAL PROFILE QUIZ – A Facebook Application

Question One:

1.  Are you comfortable with your body?

Possible Answers:

A.  I love every part of my body.  B.  I hate my body.  C.  I am comfortable with my body  D.  I would change a few things.

OK – what does sex have to do with being comfortable with one’s body?  I know, I know, you are going to tell me that body image has everything to do with good sex, psychologist said so, right?  However, please examine this closely because herein lies the issue. Why would a woman not be comfortable with her body?  I will tell you why.  Here in this country, we have all seen it, women are attempting to measure up to a cookie cutter body image standard, which is ardently deft.  Basically, women have purchased the notion that if we don’t look like a 14 year old boy, we are somehow sub-standard.  We can shift this!

This has not always been the case. (This article is not simply about women body issues.  It’s about male and female relations)

There are numerous cultures, yes still today, where round is beautiful!  There are places where belly dancers are literally BELLY dancers.  Some men LIKE that.  There is actually a study that proves that men intrinsically look for the most ‘fertile looking’ women! (link) So butt and hips and thighs and stomach are revered in by men, many men!  A little junk in the trunk is seen as admirable.  I am sure in some cultures,  women more likely reach full orgasm (during sex with men) because there is no senseless, baseless, anxious, cognition about body image.

Now please do not get me wrong.  I believe in good health.  I work out regularly (personal trainer kicks my butt) I weight in at 130 pounds at 5’6 inches.  But I certainly don’t fit the American model for beauty.  I have had three kids so the tummy has a little jiggle, I will never have a six pack, I do not want one.  I have butt and hips and thighs.  But I am healthy.  Very healthy.  A vegetarian for 18 years and a retired gymnast.  BUT, I still don’t fit the model body type.  And why should that affect my sex life?

In terms of losing weight (if you so chose), successful women do it from the standpoint of loving their bodies.  Love your body right on down to the size you want it to be.  The Law of Attraction works that way.  You can’t WANT something you feel you already don’t have.  If you are in want, you are attracting MORE WANT – so you get the converse effect MORE WEIGHT!  You actually have to be in gratitude for what you have!  The next step is blissfully imagining how luscious you are at the new shape you imagine you have RIGHT NOW – even as you are still living in and loving the sensuous skin you are in.

If that man is with you, he likes the way you look.  If you gained weight after having a baby and he cannot deal with that, you need to ask yourself – because of course he is your mirror, a divine reflection of your own thoughts – why can’t YOU deal with your body as it is?  If you were to correct your thoughts around your own skin, he will too.  Period.  (Don’t argue me on this one, it is a fact)  It’s all about your level of ‘good feeling’ about the skin you are in.

So to have this as the first question on a sexual profile is stunning. It is time for us to really wake up.  Women – all of us – are DIVAS no matter what the size.   If we were to keep that in mind we might be having Orgasmic Bliss in Love rather than thinking incessantly about the shape of our skin during love.

It is not up to men to stop commenting on our bodies, or for all of us to give up the media diet.  No way! No Victims No Villains.  The media and the men are innocent.  Innocent I say!  It is up to women to begin loving bodies, bellies, thighs and hips with all of our sweet, sexy might.  This will change the reflection we see in men and media.

Let’s move on…

Facebook Survey Question #2

2.  Do you listen to your partner to find out what they are enjoying.

OK, somebody help me.  I do not want to hyperventilate up in here.  Breath, Kenya, Breath.

Possible Answers:

A. I listen intently and focus on nothing else. B.  I can hear them.  C.  I listen sometimes.  D.  I listen but it is not the only thing I focus on…

OK.  Ladies and gentlemen, herein lies the problem.  Women and men have different roles during sex…

I was clueless about this for a long time.  I was brainwashed with “we are both giving something to the other” and I was not altogether wrong.  But let’s get deep into the metaphysical meat of this one…Grab the hot sauce, honey.

As it is, in this culture, woman have, unnaturally, become the objectification of sex while the man is the subject of sex.

Here is what I mean:

The subject (currently male) is the focal point. The subject is what the act is about or who the act is for.  Think of a sentence.  The subject is there stoic until objectification (verb) gives it movement and life.  So today’s man is simply waiting for that perfect women to fall into his lap to give him something.  You know the slang terminology “give me some” – generally a male phrase.  Use: She won’t give me any.  Really?  How YIN!  This is not the natural role of YANG energy.  YANG energy is the giver and YIN energy is the receiver.  Like the two poles, or the sun and moon, or night and day – they have two distinctly different functions.   Stay with me people… I am going to prove it.  Let’s look at animal mating habits and anatomy.

Check this story of male and female Tortoises:

To determine who gets to mate, male Galapagos giant tortoises rise on their legs and stretch their necks. The shorter tortoise will cry uncle and leave the taller, larger tortoise to mate.

The victor then proceeds to entice a female by bellowing and bobbing his head furiously. When is eventually choosen, the male rams the female and nips her legs until she draws them in, thereby immobilizing her. He then proceeds to mount her.

So what happened to the short “loser” male tortoises? Frustrated males have been observed humping rocks and even other frustrated males (why, there’s even a YouTube clip).

Now THAT is what I consider Male or Yang behavior.  He is the Objectification here with her being the Subject, naturally.  He is trying to get HER attention, not the other way around.  He is trying to show off his neck and attract a woman, not the other way around.  He is fighting other males to get a woman, not the other way around.  Right?

She is the one just sitting pretty ready to receive the male with the most brawn, choosing the stud she wants to enact upon her.  She is subject.  No male Tortoise is out there being a player, choosing any woman he wants with spare women just waiting in the wings, fighting one another, to pounce.  Female Tortoises don’t fight other females to get the male.  Males who do not measure up are humping rocks for goodness sake.  Males are Objectification. Look at the Peacock – the male wears all the shiny feathers to get the woman to choose him.  It goes on and on… at least in the animal kingdom.

The objectification (in Modern culture – the woman) is what enacts upon the subject. Like in a sentence, the objectification or verb is giving life and movement to the subject.  Objectification is impregnating the Subject with meaning.  So in this modern relationship madness, women are to please a man, give him some action, give him a piece and impregnate him with bliss.  Women are to do what it takes to get him aroused, turn him on and so forth.  He is the Subject – like a female tortoise.  He is looking to have hoards of women offering goods.  In this way he knows he is cute.  It makes me shudder to even think of it.

But isn’t it great?  We get to solve this quandary!  It’s like unscrambling a Rubic’s Cube.

I had to turn a man down for dinner the other night because I felt this YIN energy pouring off of him ( I am in the market for straight up YANG my dears).   He is a potential client and is uncomfortable booking a session (does not want to pay for my expertise), but wanted to ‘talk’ about my services at the W hotel.  I told him that I regret not being willing to drive into the city and meet him for dinner when all he was talking about was getting a hotel room at the W.  I do not have time for that.  I told him that if he wanted a session with me (sure, we do Tantric healing sessions all day long, we call it male or female rebalancing – check the coaching page) to let me know.  But I have no time to come lay up with him or give him anything.  I am a receiver, not a giver.  I was born knowing how to give and am learning to receive (like most women).  And this is not selfish, men,  please keep an open mind.

Do you know what he told me?  He said there are loads of women who would come sleep with him right now.  They would be happy to come give him some for FREE!  Forget paying for a session.  WHAT?  First off, intercourse is not a part of our rebalancing Session, even as we do provide healing touch and intimate energy work – which is very sexy.  And secondly, I encouraged him to call one of those ladies.  Do you see that?  He was upset that I would not fight traffic and come to him and give him some.  He told me he wanted to feel special, cute and attractive – he wanted me to come to him because I liked him and thought him good looking.  So now I am the aggressor?  What?   I am the man and he is the woman. NOT.  I am Subject, my friend, you are Objectification.  Women are the choosers, men get chosen.  But somewhere, somehow this is a lost art.

Oddly, when the tables are turned, mostly during a serious relationship or marriage, the man may naturally tend to place woman as subject.  Meaning he now has to be the one to arouse her, act upon her, turn her on, get her aroused (like a male tortoise might to a female) he is pissed about it because he has not been taught how to do this or why it is vitally important to his manhood.

He thinks she is supposed to be giving him something. (And she did right up to the day after the wedding LOL! A symptom that women do the fake giving thing to get a man out of social conditioning, only to tire of it – it was never natural – and become sexually despondent – because she does not know how to use the power of her feminine energy).  What he does not know, yet, is that what he desires, from the deepest part of himself, is not for her to give herself to him.  No way.  He wants to entice and arouse her, and bring her to her peak.

This is the famous CHALLENGE that all love self-help is talking about.  But they miss the mark.  Men do not need a chase, they need to feel challenged to GIVE in the sexual setting.  And they need to succeed at it!  And sex gets better and better each time when dealing with a receptive woman, because she embodies levels and levels of bliss for him to pull from her.  And when he pulls it, he is pleased with himself and bonded with her.  This natural way of relating will keep a man VERY engaged.

But this committed man is upset that he has to give.  And often the women is confused when she has to receive (I have a headache).  He complains when she turns down his shallow, listless, YIN, advances.  She won’t make love with me.  She acting funny about the goodies.  She will not just give it up, wants me to do something better, do something more valiant.  He feels less than a man and low and behold – he is!  Not by nature,  he is not simply a loser – men are winners! – but by insufficient education on his natal role.

Again…

YANG men love the challenge of enacting upon a woman his powers and arousing her based on his sheer, kingly, might.  This is how he knows his power.  The ultimate challenge.  He loves to see her respond to him and become puddy in his hands.  He loves to see her orgasmic.  This makes his day – but only when the orgasms are REAL. LOL!  He is not looking for a quick ___.  No man really is, naturally.  Men have been conditioned to desire this YIN form of copulation.

A Yang man loves to give something for her to receive.  He is objectification and she is subject.

OK – Here is an Image Break.  I did a google image search “Men Seducing Women” Here is what I got – SAD:

EVERY ONE OF THESE MEN IN THE PICTURES ARE SITTING DOWN OR LYING PRONE!

They are in the YIN element.  The women are in the YANG element.  Stretching their necks like male Tortoises!

The challenge here is so obvious to me!  How about you?

Now my search was ‘Man Seducing Woman’  so I did the search again!  Thought I had it wrong.  MORE OF THE SAME!

Well, one new one came up.  There is not even a man in this picture!!!!

How is this an image of men seducing women?  There are NO images of men seducing women under that Google Image Search!  Try it yourself.  No image of men in the YANG position enacting his giving self onto a receptive woman.

I hope this, almost obscene, landscape is becoming clear to you.  Natal gender roles have been dangerously reversed – and this is important.  My polemic is not simply an idle rant.  I am a relationships advocate!  I want all of us to be wholistically fulfilled.  Few are sexually satisfied (men or women) – and STDs are at an all time high.  I think there is a correlation between STDs and social/sexual imbalance.  Imbalance begets imbalance.

The real illness?  nSTD – Natural Sexual Tendencies Destroyed

I fear that men, just as women, have become lost in the sauce of ‘any gender roles goes’ which makes sex a challenge for both parties.  And it is a beautiful thing because now we get to unravel it.  It requires an open mind.  Try to feel what I am saying.  I am not placing blame on anyone.  I am not talking DOGMA. I am talking Good Sex, Delicious Healing and Powerful Creative Force rising between men and women again.  Both genders would be much happier to use their natural, sensual, energy rather than this pseudo-love, misinformed, nonsense.

Let me be more clear. Let us take a peek into the local nude bar.  Women are the objectification.  They may do a lap dance, show some boob, turn a man on and get paid for it.  Men are the subjects.  They are being enacted upon.  This arrangement is not only unnatural but is not working for the men or women in this country.  We tried it, but it does not lead to female orgasm in 78% of women!  Ask any porn star!  Ask any housewife.  Even ask your local stripper.  Her apparent sexiness is not leading her to better sex at all!  The majority of women say they can bring themselves to orgasm, but never has a man brought them there.  And then we get into the nonsense that we have to teach a man.   Don’t get me started.  And this situation (nude bar, porn)  most certainly does not lead to male satisfaction.  He will tend to always need a stronger fix to get him aroused.  Well, why is that?

And men, this is not a dis.  This will actually empower you.  Sex is mainly for women to receive and men to give!  Did you know that!?  We learned otherwise because this is a backward (yet lovely) paradigm.  But actually at our most natural core, women have always chosen the man who she best saw fit to give her something, whether it be the best seed, the best orgasm, the best protection, or whatever.  Women have always been the subject of sexual energy.  Oh, you don’t believe me?  I can prove it thorough anatomy.

Anatomy of Sex:

Women are doing what anatomically during sex?  Why of course, we are receiving!  Men are doing what anatomically during sex?  Oh sure, they are giving!  Close your eyes and Visualize it!  So anatomy alone says that the women is Subject.  She is being enacted upon, she is receiving this luscious gift from a man.  She is Subject.  Men are objectification.  They must put on a show to get a woman.  They must prove themselves to be virile and strong.  They are charged with bringing a woman to a certain state; and for a really Yang man, it does not feel like work, it feels like heaven!  They LOVE bringing women to a certain state.  The woman’s job is to receive and release control (which should be easy for a chooser), allow it, and really go into a state of trance to energetically receive her chosen man.

What man enjoys love when he easily gets a woman at a bar, quickly becomes aroused by her objectification of herself, has a quick orgasm, and is done for the night?  No man enjoys this.  Well, maybe a very YIN man.  But most men want to be virile, strong, long lasting and pleasing to a woman.  This is all he actually needs to feel good about his manhood!

Which leads us back to Question #2. Do you listen to your partner to figure out his needs during sex?  Hell No!  That is not my role.  My role is to receive his energy, and I mean truly receive and open to him.  He is to listen out for me and sense where I am headed.  During sex he represents conscious I represent subconscious.  My noises and movements will tell him if he is on track to objectifying this subject called woman.  I am subject, he is objectification!  This is not feminist, it is feminine.  My point?  What a dumb question.

This question placed in a sexual profile quiz for women shows me that this paradigm is off.  Really lost in the sauce.  Where is that hot sauce people – the meat of metaphysics is cooking!  2012 we are ready.

Facebook Question #3

How many positions would you use in one session?

A. 1 B. 2-4 C. 5-7 D. It doesn’t matter

Ok folks this one is pretty obvious.  I mean let me get this straight.  As a woman, what does it matter how many positions I use in a session?  What matters is that 78% of women are NON-Orgasmic in this country during intercourse with a man.  I don’t care if you use 300 positions in one session.  If the woman and man are not functioning from natural, energy based, gender roles – Man as giver, woman as receiver – then the entire potentiality of creative energy aroused during the extraordinarily spiritual act of sex is lost.

How do I know this is so?  Sex is not about position, it is about energy.  Tantra teaches us that connection is the most intimate part of the exchange.  By this it is meant that connection with the other human being – woman receiving a man’s energy and a man giving his electricity to women, is the thing that makes the process worthwhile for both.  Did you know that there are over 300 ways a man can bring a woman to full lung, heart, kidney and liver as well as vaginal orgasm without touching her at all!

Check this link to see a video of this in action.

My husband practices this technique which is called NitVana and has expanded it even further.  We present LIVE Tantra demonstrations and workshops nationwide – we call it The Organic Bliss Event We have videos of this technique on Facebook!  (Next Dates: Atlanta March 28, North Carolina A and T April 1).  Learn the real art of sensual sexual bliss. Or have us to your town.  Send me an email to request a hosting kit mail@jujumama.com .

But the real deal is this.  Positions are not the marker of great sex.  Positions do not matter at all.

When a woman is in trance, in the act having released her inhibitions, knocking down her walls of tension, breathing deep Universal essence of her being – allowing her man to enact his light upon her dark moon, sensing only the energy of the Ethers, intuitively responding to his energy, floating above her body, like a being of light, submitting fully to the bounty of his land, she is explosively orgasmic!  Levels and levels of pleasurable shards of well being emitting the future of existence into reality.  She creates the world with his seeds of thought.  A woman is a mechanism of creation.

Likewise, When the man is promoting himself as her abolitionist, holding space for her energy, captivated as she responds, motivated to give more, with her inner being as the very thing empowering him to make newness, enjoying the results he obtains, as he senses her whereabouts, only to move her more deeply into the folds of light she is now loving, he becomes the embodiment of YANG ~  She is the essence of YIN and then there is ONENESS.  They are polarized in their natal elemental places making the world move under their feet.  A man is a mechanism for healing.

This is the engine for REAL Manifestation.  I guess the movie The Secret didn’t tell all.

But positions?  How basic.  Most of the time after a tantric experience with my husband, I cannot even recall what we were doing, how we were doing it and where we were at all.  What I recall is the vision I ignited, the piece of future I shaped, and the bliss of Electric Man and Magnetic Woman becoming ONE.

Hope that is pretty clear.  But for you skeptics, let us focus on position,  the physical lump of clay doing the do.  OK – how can I move this lump of clay to get more feeling. I am wide awake and thinking.  Uhhhh.  Dis way.  Nooooo Dat A way.  Nooooo still not feeling it.  THInkint THinking THikning…. Gotta get him on da spot.  Gotta get my rocks off.

My Tantra Instructor, Shantam Nityama, used to call this the little girl orgasm.  A clitoral orgasm.  I used to move my husband’s lump of clay this way and dat to get my baby orgasm.  Had I known then that the clitoris is a baby sensation compared to vaginal, ovarian, lung, heart, kidney sensation, I would have had a great time in my 20′s.

Now I have manifested more -  uuuummmmm so much more.  And I invite you as well.

Question #4

When you Kiss to you use your tongue?

OK – I just have no response to this one.  This one should summarize all of it.  Please someone tell me, what does this have to do with my sexual profile.  Again, all of this seems to be based upon moving our physical lumps of clay in this way or that.  I recall a story Nityama used to tell me.  Quite often he asked new clients to kiss him – he did this just so to gauge their level of sexual development.

Most women would move toward him and begin to toss their tongue down his throat.  He would kindly stop them and then kiss them softly.  If they continued to toss the tongue down the throat, he would bite it.  He did this because the women  had to learn the tongue is wo penis as mouth is to vagina.  A woman who tosses her tongue aggressively into the mouth of a man is considered to be a YANG dominant woman.  He encouraged women to wait, allow the man to enact his position first.  Receive first.  Then flow with the movements of that man – release to him – feel what he is giving rather than think of what to give him – to turn him on.  He is turning you on!  RECEIVE.  Another of my teachers teaches women to breath as a man comes on to her.  Do not do anything, just breath and receive and allow the body to naturally respond – his name is Yao Nyamekye.  Fabulous!

YIN men need to be turned on.  Again, it goes back to Subject and Objectification.  Woman have been placed in the YANG role of Objectification for so long some of us have forgotten to remember how to receive, how to be the Subject of sexual desire , how to release into the idea that we are chooser.

Think for a moment of the concept of being chooser.  When we go to the grocery store we go to choose food products.  We are choosing these products because they will support us nutritionally or just make us feel good in some way (if you eat the junk stuff).  We are not choosing foods to make the food feel good in some way.  NO WAY!  We are not going to do anything with that food except eat it.  We are going to receive it.

Same with women. As chooser we want to receive something from him.  But we take him home and start giving and when he losses interest we blame him.  Pity.  And, currently, with men as pseudo-chooser (this is a mystery to me – how did this happen?) they are choosing women who will make them feel good.  And the women, we try.  But in the long run, the food is not making them feel good because guess what?  Men are not pleased sexually if his woman is not receiving him.  Men do not want a giver.  Men, at their core, desire a receiver.  He wants to please her, naturally, but he has been duped into believing he wants her to please him.

Unsatisfied, men go chose another, then another. (Not in an open relationship format where there are many male givers and many female receivers, but in serial monogamy with the same jumbled gender role issues).  If  men were chosen by women, there would be no games at all.  He would be chosen by that woman to give that woman something.  She would not be trying to wait to give herself, because he might run off once he takes it.  They would both feel good in the giving and getting.  He would feel empowered by giving and she would feel soothed in the receiving.  So fulfilling!

Wow – I am finding the English language is very tenuous here.  I can’t find the words.  Spirit speaking too fast…  I hope you get what I am saying.

Let’s move on. No.  Let us stop here for now.  I will continue the breakdown of this most telling Facebook quiz very soon.  I want you to digest this information.  Check the video and article links and try to be open minded about what I am saying.

Leave your comment.  You know Jujumama Loves ALL comments.  This place is meant for dialogue which is how we evolve.

Bliss to you!

Article By: Kenya K Stevens

What happened was we chose three audience members randomly and had each of them get into bed on the stage to be worked on by hubby.  He uses a technique called NitVana but he has added some special skills to the mix as well.  We call our Event Organic Bliss - soon coming to a city near you!

But firsts are really cool!  I recall the first time I fell in love outside of my marriage.  It happened last year this time.  My husband had been – for two full years – trying to open me to these new concepts that I had immediately rejected.  What?  Another woman?  And more, me with any man I choose – NO WAY!  I am not down with that.  My sister, my mother, my dad, his parents, hell, everyone in my whole life would have a fit if we were to openly have this form of relationship.  My name is not Jada.  And you do not have Will Smith money so forget about it!

There I stood, holding my ground, refusing to trust him, myself or the Universe.  Hell, I did not want to try it.  I am a very prissy girl.  I had only had sex with one man for 12 – 13 years and I was not trying to CHANGE.  Besides, we were totally and 100% in love!  Why rock the boat?  On and on I went until one day my friend asked me to attend a conference in Memphis Tennessee.  OK, sure! This was an event on Green Living.  I plan to build a Green subdivision some day, 100% off the grid, so I gave it a whirl.

We rode down to Memphis together having delightful girl talk the entire ride.  She is a client, so we had loads of discussion about her relationship and mine.  Everything is cool, right?  Until I got to the conference and realized that this was a set-up!  The Universe was thrusting me out there – had taken me away from my home and kids and hubby (I never used to go out) and put me smack dab into a new world of people – lots of people – good looking people with lots on the ball.  I met so many wonderful individuals that weekend!

One in particular had caught my eye in the hallway.  I am not fond of sitting through long lectures, so I’d roam the hallway when I got antsy.  On this particular occasion, I ran into a boy I thought I knew from somewhere – has that every happened to you?  It can be quite embarrassing, right?  I mean I could have sworn I knew him and so I stopped to ask – where do I know you from?  We tried and tried to figure it out and eventually we did!  I had met him in passing, summers earlier, at a retreat with a spiritual theme.  He and I had been to that retreat every summer together for years but had never met formally.

Well this was really strange.  Then he started saying that when he saw me he thought of Oshun – the Goddess of love – something in the way I was walking or some shit.  Alright then… And he went on and on about the Goddess energy he was feeling and that he had had a dream about Oshun the night before.

Now this boy was pretty cute and all, but I was just wondering the halls, I wasn’t out looking for booty.  This is what I had always accused my husband of, wanting more women to have more booty.  He would always debate me and say that variety lends to expansion, not more booty, more challenges, more growth and more mental and spiritual expansion.  But I wasn’t falling for the metaphysical excuse, I told him it was about the booty and that was it.

Well, here I was minding my own damned business playing hookie on the workshops and I meet this man.  Soon our conversation was spinning into a dinner date.  He asked me if my friend and I would like to go with he and his friend to grab a re-pass.  OK.  No harm in a group dinner, right?  My girl agreed later as we dressed at the hotel. I started feeling strange.

Let me call my husband and tell him I am going on a dinner date with a man.  I am going to show him the type of respect I want him to show me if he were in the same situation.  My husband was like GOOD – have fun.  But, but…baby… its a man.  Fantastic I love you Hakashamut (his name for me).

Fantastic?  I love you?

When the time came I felt like I was going on a date.  I felt giddy and prickly on the inside like I was doing something wrong or naughty.  I could see if the boy was just not my type or really just some dude to kick it with on a friendship level, but he had called me Oshun and he had insinuated I was fine, and had shown more than a simple interest in me.  Maybe I should call my husband and tell him that – so I did.  My husband was like – Hakashamut – stop calling me and enjoy your life.  What?

So at dinner we sat and talked.  My friend did the unthinkable.  He pulled out his Mac and started working.  Now, most women would be turned off by this, but being the tech nerd that I am , I was completely aroused.  What are you working on?  He told me all about a website he was designing for the firm he worked with in California.  Oh, you are from Cali?  Yes, Santa Monica, I live four blocks from the beach in the company headquarters which is a pad on the beach!

Oh man – I knew this was a set-up.  How was I supposed to keep my cool when he kept surprising me with more intelligence, more spiritual insight and more sexiness?  I decided to put him to the test.  I began discussing some of my DIVA theories on relationships.  This would stump him and get the scent of man off him.  He could never have known about what I know about in this area.  I am a Quantum Relationships Scientist, a MOGUL,  A Love DIVA!  I bet he knew nothing about Tantra.

Do you know this man kept up with me and actually agreed with me on my theories.  He knew about the oracle I used, in fact he had his own oracle deck in his cool leather nap-sack!  He knew about the deities, and alternative tradition, and indigenous culture – the works!  Where is my girl?  I need help.  She was just chatting away with his friend.  Nothing serious, VERY platonic, after all she is a married woman, but damn, so am I!  Why does my vibe have to look so steamy when hers is nice and professional.  Maybe it is me, maybe I am just a steamy ass individual.

So we left that place, I paid for dinner trying to take my power back.  I covered the whole tab like What?  LOL!  I got dis.  Maybe that would scare him off, I didn’t need him to pay for me.  No favors for favors tonight buddy.  In the night air we walked back to the conference where there was to be a dance party.  He was making me laugh with his great sense of humor and stuff.  Man, this is not working for me.  At the dance I had a plan to lose him.

It worked! I found my way to the floor and danced my heart out, he was no where in sight.  The band was from New Orleans so they were mobile.  At the end of the night, they started playing those horns and drums right out of the ballroom and down the stairs.  Everyone was in an ecstatic trance as they followed the band.  We were singing some song we all seemed to know but had never really heard.  I think we made it up!  Now this is serious because I am a tranced out mama!  Music and signing and a band moving out of the room found me following and possessed with my ancestors just shouting and singing.  I was thinking about the Green Movement and the new world order and Barack Obama and we all were.  That was in the thick of the Primary last year.

As I danced I lost my shoes.  They just slid right off!  I found myself outside with a crowd shouting Obama Obama Obama and Peace and Love and all this hippie gibberish.  I was walking up to people hugging them, crying and laughing, we were sending energy to Obama and to Green movements everywhere.  I would find white boys and hug them, Chinese girls, native Americans t cuddle – this was a real free love moment.

When I came to, I found that he was standing over me – the original reason I had lost myself in the party.  He had my shoes and he was like – lets go…

Is this a dream, I thought, am I really in this location having a ball with a brilliant black man placing my shoes on my feet and asking me out for more of his Juju?  He walked me across the street to a bar in the Marriott hotel.  All of the hippies were there having drinks and relaxing.  My guy stood watch as I mingled in the afterglow of our ceremony.  We all exchanged cards and one more group free love hug before he asked me to come outside to talk.

He told me that I am the woman he has been looking for.  What?  We just met.  The one that he needs to work with to rise to his next level of self.  Well, you know I am married.   But my husband keeps talking about an open relationship.  Damn, why did I say that – I was giving him an inroad.  Why?  I must have been out of my mind!

An open relationship?  That’s cool.  So are you down?  No.  Yes.  Well, I understand that the Universe craves expansion and I know he loves me and I know that I am insecure about it, but I just do not know how to do it.  He told me to close my eyes as he shared a this story:

♥There was once a village of women and men who lived harmoniously together.  This was beyond the old days spoken of in books, this was more than 50,000 years ago.  These men and women were community.  The women were thought to be Goddesses, from the age of five they were trained to be women and they held one another to practice bliss, and they slept in the same bed with the boys to practice restraint and they danced in costume with developing breast bouncing in the wind.  Their mothers were happy because their mothers did not know who the fathers of the children were, the mothers had more security than any modern woman could imagine.  The mothers knew that every man in the village would take care of every girl in the dancing circle – and every boy near the dancing fire.  The mothers were happy because their daughters would choose a man at 14 during the onset of the menses and that man would be her housemate.

♦Her housemate was a lucky man.  He would have the pleasure of providing the meat from the hunt, the food from the field and the water from the lake.  He would become fulfilled as a man to simply be her mate, her lover and the caretaker of any children she had.  And as for sex, a spiritual science the girls knew well – and the boys – there would be plenty of it.  The healing ways were the ways of love.  Sex was a spiritual experience.  Never personal.  Sex was for the women to learn to be free and to create with her vision, sex was for the man to learn to give and heal a woman into powerful ecstatic trance that only he could induce in her.  To get her there was a crowning achievement.

♣The community was sane in that the freedom to love anyone opened everyone to being more than self, living more fully and personally connecting with human beings on levels we cannot fathom today.  The women were sisters.  They loved one another and were fully expected to hold one another hands in public, touch one another breast to be sure they were well, message one another in times of need and comment about one another beauty freely and often.  The women were not an angry group because they had the freedom to have vast amounts of sexual healing from anyone they chose and the men were a happy lot because the women would constantly find them, take them to the forest, sometimes two at a time and love for hours, sometimes until nightfall.  They all knew the children were safe because all of the men were uncle and all of the women were Mother.  (There was no word for father).

Whaaaaat?  Now how, I am asking you readers, HOW out of 6 billion people on this planet would I run into a man telling me this story as I am on the brink of losing my mind about my husband’s wished and desires.  How is it possible?  Do you know I melted into that man;s arms and hugged him.  I had indeed known him before – I saw that I had been his lover before.  It came in that hug, the vision of myself his male lover and he, a woman back then.  I was in tears and I was in agony and I was having an epiphany all at the same time.  How could I have been so foolish as to take a stupid modern construct at face value without exploring humanity in it’s wholeness to find this.  One story of millions that confirm my belief that we are greater than we could ever have know.  We are greater than what we have currently manifested.

At that time I was a life coach.  But in that moment I evolved into a relationships coach.  I had my book half way done and this was the perfect evolution of my story of matrimony into a story of monolithic proportion.  I had met a lover from a past life here in the middle of the Bible belt, had danced into trance and now this.

So needless to say he tried to kiss me. I was not ready for that.  I had to hold back as I stepped back into my body and away from the village square.  I had to contain myself.  But what are we really containing, which self do we contain when we fight the urge to connect on deep feeling levels with other human beings that are ONE with us?  Are we containing the right self?

I accepted only hugs that night. And when we got back to his hotel (I was dropping him off) he asked me the fatal questions “Will you come to my room, will you make love with me, will you be my Goddess?”.  Hell no – I mean, no I am sorry, I cannot do that tonight.  He put his hand on my leg for a final lean in hug.  Ouch!  Racing shards of energy right into my middle.  My God.  What in the world is this?  Heart pounding and lung orgasmic – Good night my love.

Honey, I just dropped him off.  Baby, that was weird.  I did not come her to meet someone.  I came to relax and enjoy a weekend without the kids and learn about Green Living.  What is happening to me?  What is happening to us?

Relax Hakashamut.  Tell me what happened… Wow…  I am glad you had a good time.  Try to get some rest.

Rest?

Yes.

Good night my love.

So needless to say this was my very first time.  This was the first time I experienced another love and allowed even so much as a hug from another man.  This was the first time I realized that we do not choose love consciously, but that our sub-conscious minds are choosing for us, in this case spirit alone was the chooser.  What are the odds of this, my people?

Me and ancient boy spent the next day skipping out of the conference and having lunch over Memphis Jazz on that famous street.  What is it called?  I allowed him to message my feet, the waitress told us to get a room!  I could not tell my married girlfriend about this on the way home.  I am her relationship coach.  WFT?

As soon as I got home I demanded my husband speak with this man. I was not going to go to California to see my new friend as he requested without my husband having the talk with him.  They spoke and became good friends.  I went to California the next month, but luckily I was in the red zone and did not have to do the impossible, make love to another man with this ring on my finger.

But eventually we did, over the months that passed, I opened.  And I met his fiance too!  She was nice, we became friends, good friends.  My husband liked his fiance and they would often both come to stay with us that summer.  What African American household looks like this?  Well, mine did until August when he broke up with me.  He was tired of me placing rules and regulations on him and on my husband.  I was freaking out too much.  I wanted to have my new friend but I did not want my husband to have any other woman.  I was afraid of having this relationship from the jump, so I was never really that relaxed through it all.  I was exercising control and neither of my lovers liked that very much…

I thought I would never see him again.  He would text, call, IM on occasion until it all fizzed out.

But guess what happened today, march 5, 2009?  That man called me to say that he was not in California but that he was in my city (I live in Atlanta’s boondocks, in the middle of no where).   He told me he is just two miles away from me right now as I write.  He asked me to come and see him.  I could not.  He asked me to go to the movies with him tonight.  I can not.  I will see him tomorrow at 12:00 noon.  I have no idea what to say.  My husband and I have been through so much together since my ancient lover and I parted ways.  I am sure he and my man will have a beer together and smoke a cigar on the back porch facing our forest out there.  Where the love fairies live…

You have got to love this journey, my friends.  The experiences never cease to amaze me.  I’ll tell you how tomorrow noon goes.

Thank you for reading Jujumama | Manifest Sexy!  Bliss to you!  I welcome your comments.  And I take questions *giggle*

Kenya K Stevens

JujuMama

xoxoxo

I love this song!  I love the elegance of this choreography!  This is real skill, I am a dancer from way back and I know these moves are not easy.  Try it for yourself, this is a fast paced, high energy, masterpiece!  And Beyonce is so right, he should have put a ring on it.  But why hasn’t he, why would any man be unwilling to commit to the woman he claims to love?

I believe I have an answer to that question.  I think that men are actually afraid we’ll never be truly satisfied with them.  Sure, we are satisfied sometimes, but at other times we flip over even the small things!  Who wants to marry a ‘cussing out’ waiting to happen?  Let me tell you what happened to me this morning that made me know why my husband hesitated to marry me 14 years ago…

Today my husband is taking our family on vacation.  He knows I need a break after the long haul of completing my first book – Change Your Man.  How awesome of him right?  Men are the best in the world, especially when we are sweet, supportive and respectful of them – lol.

We have three kids so preparing for a vacation with them is like a full time job that lasts for weeks!  I had to pack, and wash, and pack and wash repeatedly for many weeks.  I had to shop for formal wear and dig out the summer clothes for all five of us.  I’d done it with glee – after all, I was headed for the Caribbean Sea!

But this morning I snapped.  After staying up all night to complete my Bo Derick braids, not to mention twist my son’s locs, and braid my daughter’s Bo Derick’s which she wanted “just like mommy’s”, I found that I needed extra sleep when the alarm rang at 7:00 AM.  I stayed in bed until 8:30 AM.  My husband wanted me to get up and get ready to go.  Thoughts swan in my lucid mind – I recalled my oldest son and flipped!

Oh shoot!  He didn’t have his hair cut yet!  He would be the only one looking raggedy as all the rest of us had fresh hair dos.  This was all my husband’s fault!  I had committed to not taking my son for a hair cut, I feel it is a man’s job to hang out at the barber shop.  Besides, whenever I go, the barbers and vagrants alike start closing in on me for the swoon.  I don’t have time for that.  I wanted my man to take my boy to the barber.  But he had not.

He had “forgotten”.  Of course he had not forgotten to get his own hair do, which involved a full day trip to a posh, West End hair stylist.  But he had forgotten our son who sported an old looking Gary Coleman Afro.

I was too tired to recall how to use my feminine energy.  I began to question my husband in a loud voice. “What about the haircut?, I’m not taking him on vacation looking like that!”.  My darling husband quickly shut me down and told me to calm the #$*(@& down.  I obeyed.  I stopped talking and began to cry.  I cried because what my darling didn’t know is that my son had also left his coat at school, we’d have to stop for that.  Plus I had an internal to do list that would make his head swim, even on the morning of our trip.

I thought of this final task…and it tipped the scale!  Images of my husband chilling for the past few days flooded my mind.  On the way in from my 4th trip to Kohl’s, I’d spotted him watching TV!  On the way down the stairs with my 40th load of laundry in tow, I saw him surfing the Internet.  As I braided hair all night, he was happily sleeping!  Argh!!! I had a brief nervous breakdown through the tears.

OK – I would have to take him to the Barber this morning.  I had to get dressed.

I cried like a baby in the shower.  I wasn’t going to argue with him, I’d just get ready to go make it happen.  I’ve learned not to fight the back and forth battle with my husband – too yang and fiery – I had recently began to spontaneously burst into tears instead of arguing.  I have never been so weepy.  I guess weeping brings me closer to vulnerability than yelling, but my eventual goal is to have an even-temper.

I told my husband, through the tears, that none of this was his fault.  I told him that I might be crying now, but I planned to enjoy this lovely vacation that he’d so generously given to us. I told him we’d figure out something else for our son and that I know he did his very best.

He saw my tears, heard my gratitude, and decided to do something!  My unconditional love motivated him!

He was going to aid his damsel in distress and I made it easy with my feminine, yet very soggy, show.  He gathered my son, took him to school to get the coat, went to Kohl’s and got the right size in pants, and then took him to the hair shop!  Wow!  Now that’s results. When he got home, I was ready to go with the two younger ones, washed, dressed and bags completed!  It was lovely.

A few years ago, and definitely before we married, this same situation would have lead to an all day argument.  I would have reemed him out for his laziness, the fact that I do all the work, I would have ripped him for not preparing, I would have accused him of not taking care of his business and I would have been more than mildly aggressive about it.  The vacation may have been ruined!  Who cares as long as he got my point – I am right and he is wrong.  But that was long ago.

I don’t ruin vacations anymore and have long since curbed my addiction to drama.  Sure there is more my husband could have done to help.  But what does that have to do with the fact that he loves me and is doing his very best in our relationship?  Again, I have to ask myself: do I want to be loved or do I want to be right?  I chose love today and now here I sit in Fort Lauderdale relaxed, happy and having a ball!

So is this why he put a ring on it? – And then another ring this summer at our 13th wedding anniversary?  Maybe so.  But it took years for me to get here.  If only our guys knew that we’ll eventually work out the kinks in our personalities just like they do.

My husband is a little more mindful of the work I do, and is encouraging me to rest.  I am listening to him, so I’ll end this blog and get back to vacating…

I love you guys!

Kenya K

Hay – get your copy of Change Your Man today!  Go here for more info http://www.jujumama.net