It’s so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to.  ~Annie Gottlier

This is the secret key to love…

Ladies, I have heard some women complaining that their man is not willing to give up enough of the good stuff.  I even speak with women in their 20′s and 30′s stating that their boyfriends are unable to perform at various moments in time.

OK?

Well please note – there is an easy cure for this.  I spoke about it in detail in my article on Viagra. However, here is the short version.  If you want your man to be hard, you have to be soft.

It is really just that simple.  You cannot run about all day bossing him around, complaining, being tough, independent, irritated and even hurtful with your words or actions and then expect for him to make love with you, or WANT to make love with you.  Sure, you can expect him to do so, but if he is holding on to inner rage about your arrogant and disrepectful behavior, he will not be able to perform.  Over time this looks like erectile dysfunction, but guess what?  He only has it with you!  LOL! So it ain’t real!

Girl, I have been there and done that in my eleven years of monogamy (I’ve been married since I was HOT and 21!!!).

It is not fun, and it is hard to accept that the cause of his “issue” may be some behavior on your part.  But once you take ownership for your entire life, including the way that others treat you, you will become empowered to change anything about any relationship with a mild shift in your own behaviors!  Sound too hard?  Well try living with an erectile dysfunctional man for a few more years and then come back to this post and try following this advise.

I think you will then kiss me!

Try this trick to get some good stuff this weekend:

1.  Do not complain about anything.  For those of you who don’t know that you complain, it is when you mention anything that you feel is going badly, even if you use a sweet voice.

2.  Try to make one comment per hour about how fabulous you feel and how happy you are.  Out loud ladies, and to your man.

3.  Touch your man when you speak to him.  Feel his muscles and say WOW!  Just out of the blue – WOW!

4.  SMile at your man.  Whenever he comes into the room, smile at him.  Even if he is cursing and griping, smile at him.

If you try these four little tricks today, you will see a change in his level of readiness for whatever sensuous delights you enjoy by tomorrow!  LOL!  We control the intensity of that little ole thing.  We are a man’s greatest Viagra!

Muah!

Love you

Juju xoxoxox

OK – So what is the deal people?  Can someone help me understand when we are going to get rid of this dated concept of manipulation.  I mean, this one went out with corsets (well, corsets are sexy, except when they break your ribs).  Let’s see, this one went out with ceramic shingles (well, those are sort of elegant).  OK fine, this one went out with the concept of BLAME.  Nothing pretty about blaming someone else for any part of your life right?

Same senselessness in choosing to believe in another dying paradigm – Manipulation.  SO we’re gonna look at this because we have to.  Men and women alike are afraid to be called a manipulator.  Yet, we want to master the Law of Attraction, we want to become Creators of our lives.  But, the two concepts do not fit together ~ manifestation and manipulation.  Blame is the essence of manipulation.  If someone is “manipulating” another or (heaven forbid) manipulating you, then you do not believe that you create your life.  You in fact believe in the concept of blame… right?

No one is doing anything to us.  We are creating everything for ourselves.  AND, when we ladies put on that feminine energy and shine it into the world, we are not ‘doing anything’ to anyone, we are simply using our natural talent to manifest our desires quickly and easily!  Feminine magnetism is MAGICAL!

How can we think that working magic in our lives to create what we desire can be a form of manipulation?  Come now.

This week alone I have talked to over a dozen women who are telling me that they feel badly using the sweet techniques that I am teaching, like Yes Honey, because they feel like they are manipulating their men.  Wow!  So the anger, the fighting, the slashing of tires, the all night talks, these are not manipulative at all, right?  You are not doing that to get what you want – you’re angry because – HELL – you’re angry!  LOL!  But the sweetness, the sweet words, the kindness, the sex appeal and compliments to your man, to ALL men;  using these “tactics” are manipulative? Hmmmmm.

Let’s examine this, I think it should be explored in fullness.

To begin at the beginning, we are all choosing our lives.  There are no victims and no villains because we are making conscious and un-conscious choices in every millisecond of every day on this Planet.  Thus, when something pops into our lives that we do not care for, we can not blame the thing, we have to ask ourselves, how did we create this thing?  Right?

It follows, then, that if we show up into a man’s life using whatever tactics we use to converse and convene with this human being, the fact of the matter is that he attracted us for a reason.  If we show up and we have anger management issues and he is complaining that he always get the ‘crazy women’ – who can he blame for it?  Shall he blame you, or should he try to find the crazy in him that attracts the craziest specimens of the female gender?

We all know the answer to this one, especially if we are living in the new (yet ancient) consciousness of evolution.

So, in like manner, if a man, let’s say he is a fine and delicious man, the type of man who just walks in and you melt.  I mean fabulous, and appealing, and glowing, and stunning – all the cookies with the milk too.  All the power and the passion too!  All of that!  Let’s us say YOU have attracted him….  You are learning to use your feminine Magic!  Get what you want, girl!  YES!  You are a secure and confident DIVA!

You show that loving hunk of bliss some good, sweet, decorum; you find it so wonderful to use this new magic that you test drive it on this man as though you are driving a Maserati.  And the thing is running smooth and you are liking the feel and the results are creamy, and he is being the freakin MAN due to your easing back and being the WOMAN!  He is wrapped around the very magnetic pinkie finger… Happily.

Are you manipulating him?

How is this a form of manipulation?  Sure, you are internally thinking about how to say things in such a way that you do not blow up his naturally HOT fire.  But does that mean you are trying to control him?  Sure you are thinking about how to receive more, how to appreciate men more, how to trust him, how to appear and actually BE more easy going, luscious, and relaxed – does this mean that you are scheming to rule his life, manipulate him for your gain?  And what of it?

What if you are scheming to get this man wrapped around your pinkie toe?  Is THAT manipulation?

Let’s think about this ladies.  Remove your Western thinking cap a moment.  Why wouldn’t I want ALL men wrapped around my pinkie toe?  Why is that degrading?  If I were to bring a million dollars cash into this room right now and say, OK, the way to get this million into your bank account is to be sweet to it, be receptive, be open to allowing it to lead you, be open to appreciating this money – do these things and it will be yours.  These judges will evaluate you.

I bet like hell that you will be the first one trying to Manifest that money with your charms.  And you would have no qualms about it.  The money wouldn’t care.  But guess what?  Neither will the man.  He will not be upset at you for being a DIVA!  No more upset than he would be if you were walking around with a constant attitude.  Why is having an attitude not seen as manipulation, it is the exact same thing as being sweet to get what you want, except you’re being funky to get what you want?

I am confused and utterly befuddled.  Hep me, Bliss Babies.  Please… I need it.

Please leave your comments.

It’s JujuMama

FREE INTRO CALL

April 15, 2009

Dial 712-775-7100 PIN 169129#

Wednesday Night 8:00 – 8:30 PM

Enjoy this recording of our Phone Call about Moon Manifestation! Did you know that JujuMama provides a FULL 28 Day System of Manifestation Based on the Moon?  Oh Yes – HOT! Check the recording and get the insight on how we allow YOU to manifest ANY two short term goals in just 28 days! Let the Moon Magnetize what you desire to you! YES YOU CAN! Get all the goods here: Download this wonderful recording and do join us – we begin another Moon Manifestation Cycle at Mid-April! Get More Details on Cn28 HERE! Manifest SEXY!!!!!!!!

I woke up this morning with a profound feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I AM AN ADVOCATE!  What do I advocate for?  I am a premier spokeswoman for the AMERICAN COUPLE – apparently an endangered species…

Yes, that is just it! We are an endangered species.  I had a great opportunity to look into my own relationship this weekend to find the areas causing the most stress.  I found that I just want more – I always want more!  And there is nothing on Earth that says I should not achieve more!  The only issue is the direction in which I point my focus for more.  Should I point that tension toward my husband, toward myself or toward the Universe which is the owner of all the MORE I could ever desire?  The answer seems obvious when we are not faced with a challenge, right?

When I think of leaving my husband, which is often, and has been often for the past 14 years (oh yeah folks, I use LEAVING as my first option in a bind as well – I told you about how I used to throw my wedding ring at him – well, I was in my 20′s then…) I think about how foolish it would be for me to make such an obtuse movement away from the more I desire and deserve.  In any other field of thought such as entrepreneurship and college, leaving means giving up on life, giving up on the power of self, giving up hope; essentially giving up on my desire to achieve more!  Don’t debate or hate…just keep reading (comment later).

So this is my core talent and advocacy: I refuse to lose faith in the Universal Way – all of us have the Innate Power to Have, Do, Become, or Receive all that we desire in Love! (And life for that matter).  And we do not have to toss out our current situation and start over to get more.  In fact, I believe that when we scrap our current lives (manually, and for less than sacred reasons) in search of more, we end up in a never ending circle of ‘search but never find’.  We toss the wrong thing when we toss a ‘current situation’.  We have to actually toss the part of SELF that CREATED our ‘current situation’ – to achieve the more we desire!  (Hay – that is pretty good)

This is the essence of my advocacy.  It seems many self-help books I have read (except my own of course, Change Your Man, get it on Amazon Honey)  Psychologists address the ‘current situation’ rather than that which creates all situations.  Similar to allopathic medics who treat symptoms and not cause.  I take a Quantum route.  I address That Which Creates ‘Current Situations’ – the most powerful computer in the world – yup, you guessed it, the human mind or spirit (one in the same, in this case).  So here is the real deal…Are you ready for an advocate in your life?

I have recently approved an open relationship in my marriage.  You saw that right?  But I am not an advocate for open relationships.  Now way!  I do not know enough about the subject to even blog much about it.  I can not tell any couple to try this as a solution.  In fact, it is not a solution at all!  The fact that I opened mine (for the time being) is testament to my philosophy – keep it moving!  There is no way I am going to scrap my husband because he wants to explore polygamy.  That would be similar to leaving my husband because he grows a second arm.  Why not attack the concern head on – accept that he has a third arm, move through that with him, get help if needed, but accept the facts and move into cures.

Too far fetched?  OK,  how about Cancer.  Let us say he develops cancer of the penis.  He will never be able to use his penis again, or so they say.  AND he has brought this illness upon himself.  Pizza causes it and he will not stop eating pizza.  Would you stay for the uphill battle as he heals or chooses not to heal on your time clock?  Would you have faith that this too will pass and that he will heal or something better will occur for you both?

This is the way I view my husband’s three year push to move us in the direction of accepting and dealing with his current ‘illness’ not that poly is an illness, but there is a certain form of stigma, or fear that comes into the minds and hearts of women when they think of their man pushing for such a notion.  It is almost as if the man has an illness that he refuses to cure.  Cancer of the penis caused by pizza and he will not stop the stupid pizza to save the relationship…

Now, you may believe that leaving such a relationship is not at all giving up on oneself.  No way, you’re just leaving that Busta because you ‘deserve better’.  You deserve more than a man who will not stop eating pizza for you, who wants another woman, or who has another woman, or who lies to you, makes nasty jokes about you in public, does not have a job or has very little in the common sense department.  LOL!  But what of that?  What are you going to do?  Leave him cause, girl, you deserve better?  Good choice o wise one.  Now you will begin again with another man who will develop another symptom that will push you out of your comfort zone so that you can GROW GROW GROW!!!

I have already addressed the fact that our Mates are Mirrors.  And I have given full dissertation on the folly of leaving a relationship.  This is not about that (read the post link if you have not already).  This is about something much deeper than that.  I am now defining more fully my advocacy – my voice – my position, platform and life purpose!

(Blogging is great for sharpening the saw of your Soul Purpose – try it – It’s FREE!).

Any way, the deeper point is this.  I advocate staying.  I advocate working.  I advocate waking up to the real question when cancer of the Penis, a second arm, or another woman appear.  Running is futile.  It will not unravel you from your destiny.  We all agreed when we came to Earth to do two things, right?

1. Develop and Share the innate and unique talent with the world (this is specific)
2. Evolve and Cultivate the character to enable ourselves to share our unique talent with the world.

Let us talk about the nice one first.  It is fun to have talent.  It is fun to live life sharing our talent with the world.  From the beginning of time human beings have done this.  It has been wonderful.  Whether we barter our services, trading our clay pots for Coconuts, or sell our services like Oprah, trading a winning personality for millions in revenue we LOVE to share what we are good at!  We love to reap the benefits of our talents and skills.  Perfect!  Ready to move to the difficult part?

The Universe, in it’s innate wisdom, has also done a little trade of it’s own.  The Universe has given each of us Unique talents to share with the world.  All it asks of us is that we trade something for that talent. What?  What the hell does the Universe want now?  Well, it wants our character flaws in the form of old habits, bad habits, fears, negative thoughts and so forth.  Much like BlackBerry Corporation, it wants us to upgrade constantly! Seek and aquire the sacred, divine, loving and balanced thoughts, habits, ideas and actions.  Seems simple enough.

Here is the real kicker, the Universe has made is such that we find impediment after impediment to sharing our talent fruitfully (meaning making any sort of great joy or prosperity of it) without giving up the BADS for the GOODS!

That is so cute – yes – we have to give up the BADS if we want the GOODS.  And that is why we have been endowed with personal choice or WILL unlike the animals.  We do not live by instinct, we have a choice.  Choice is the Secret Key to personal development.  When we choose better it has come from ‘growth’ which the Universe asks of us!  Cool right?

We have to sacrifice the lower parts, the stuff that does not fit, and cultivate our minds and moods in order to open the way for success in sharing the good stuff (personal talent) with the world effectively.  Is that so difficult to comprehend?

I personally do not believe that the Universe is a Con artist. I believe that the Universe has our best interest at heart.  Each time we come to Earth, we have the opportunity to give up more old fear!  This process is called enlightenment.  We get the opportunity to become enlightened as we cultivate our minds/spirits.  In return, we receive enjoyment from living our DREAMS!  Living our Passion!  Sharing our light with the world!

So what does this have to do with my relationship advocacy?  That is simple.  Our relationships with other Human Beings are primary points of growth.  If we want to share our talents with the world and we have to grow beyond fear to do this, relationships are the most fertile ground to birth ‘New Selves’!  We birth a ‘New Self’ every time we move beyond fear!  We are born again each day we find the root to our fear, doubt, hurt, and pain and tell it to STEP OFF!

The moment we run from the pain, we run from the very point at which our actual energy to live our PASSION is made.  We run from the fuel station of the soul!  We run from the pact we made with the Universe, to grow and develop for the purpose of joyously developing and sharing personal talent with the world.

Let’s take this down a few notches for those who are sick of the metaphors and shit.  LOL!

Most people who work a JOB do not enjoy their work.  That is plain and simple.  We see it every day!  In fact, you may have read a book called The Four Hour Work Week .  This is an amazing book about how to ditch your job (which like ditching a relationship will not work unless you also ditch the thoughts that attracted you to the JOB).  Timothy Farris talks about leaving a bad situation in which one is enslaved in corporate life for a life of travel, luxury and fun!

Sounds awesome right?  I have never had a job, but I read the book from cover to cover on behalf of my husband.  Not to digress, the fact is that people hate their JOBS!  OK.  So why is that?  Simple, here in the Modern Era we are not taught the purpose of life.  Rather, we are taught to use the Lower Left Brain or Intellect.

That would be great if the Intellect could lead us out of misery in a time of personal crisis, but it cannot.  It takes Intuition, Power, Unity, Balance, and other high principles in our brains/spirits, which have not yet been cultivated.  If we had been taught the purpose of life, we would understand that character development, or personal growth is the purpose of life. Why?  Because when we develop the character of Self, we free the Self to deliver it’s PURPOSE!!!!!

Have you ever sat down and tried to figure out (with your intellect, the only faculty they taught you) what your Life’s Purpose is?  It is a long shot, I tell you.  Your life’s purpose is only given through your intuitive faculty!  You have to learn to get out of you head and into your heart to discover and live your Life’s Purpose.  But no one taught us this.  Some have figured out how to access this storehouse of intuition.  They are, by the way, currently living their dreams.  If we had been properly taught, we wouldn’t have most of this country going to a foolish place called work, day in and day out, living as droids and pissed off about it!  Rather, we would have people living their soul purpose and all of us prospering together!

YES WE CAN!

In like manner, if they had taught us that life is for the Purpose of joyful growth and joyful sharing, we would also understand the truer purpose to relationships.  We would know that relationships are sacred.  Those beautiful people we attract in life is no accident.  Oh, well I accidentally married that man for the wrong reason, I was young and stupid – NOT! You married that man, attracted that boss, those kids, so that you could explore your fears, see your bad habits, and eventually find the answers about how to unravel them.  You married that man or met that woman because he or she is going to take you to the next level of divine self hood – if you will stay and grow to allow it.

Well how do I know that?  And how do any of us know when we have achieved this selfhoodness?  That is an easy one too.

You know you have achieved the purpose of any relationship when there is total peace between you and that person.  At which point, the Universe will send you the next person who will take you even further.  But you will not mind that because you are LIVING YOUR PURPOSE more and more all the while!  You are doing the real give and take of life.  You have found favor in the Universal Order!

OK – enough.  I just wanted to share that I have found my soul purpose.  I began this Blog – JujuMama | Manifest Sexy because I am a relationship coach.  But now I have become specialized.  I aid evolved beings in making the STAY for all the right reasons. Those who have come to me so far, have stayed and worked out their issues with their lovers because they were ready to live that higher purpose (and plus they love the damn fool).  Most of the women and men I have worked with live to share their beautiful stories of healing (see my testimonials page).  All are not so advanced and that too is a part of the Universal flow – the way things must be for all of us.  It is all good and there is no such thing as a mistake…

Thanks for hearing my war cry!  I Advocate the STAY!  I live it, I practice it, I perfect it, I love it and so will you – if you dare… My mission is to end ALL foolish break-ups for those ready to crush FEAR and reap the benefits of finding their own advocacy – and of course sharing that talent with the world (for profit!)!

ASHE (And so it is!)

Kenya K Stevens

I have to!

Today I realized that my husband is a HUGE mirror – once again, here it is!  Tired of hearing about the mirror?  Oh, I’m sorry.  Scroll down for more suitable literature.  Here’s the story – So you know he has found his passion in learning, practicing and working himself into an open relationship with me.  Yes, just like Will and Jada, but he said Will is gay.  (I don’t think so.)

I resent it and I resent him…blah blah blah.  Life is ALWAYS fair.  What he does to me is my reflection of me back to ME!  I know I have to find the mirror, so here goes, my Water Bending goes public.  Journey with me to the core of my polyamory issue…

Issue #1 – My husband wants to have polyamory because he believes in following his passion.  Kudos to you my love!  He is placing his passion outside the relationship and far away from me.  (Well, not all of his passion flows away…I just be dam…ya know?)

OK, so let’s find the mirror as difficult as that may be for some of you.

Well, the topic is passion and placement thereof.  Where do I place my passion?  Oh no, it couldn’t be far from him ,could it?  Let’s see, what do I love the very best right now in life?  BLOGGING, writing, promoting my book, counseling, blabbing my business to the world in hopes it helps someone out there looking for truth, honesty and a real solution to relationship quandaries.

I stay up late at night blogging, sometimes all night if I have to also prepare an ad for my email list of 3000.  And to gather that kind of list has taken time, energy and skill.  Dotted into the night are calls from across the country.  My West Coast clients call late into the night and I LOVE spending hours on the phone, not just because it makes me money, but because this is my passion.

I have placed my passion in my work and it shows.  My business is profitable.  But what is the cost?  Well, who is upstairs rubbing my husband’s belly as I blog the night away?  Who is caring for his needs and concerned about his well being?  Who is asking him about his day at the office in the world of corporate mayhem?  It most certainly isn’t me.  So herein lies the mirror:  His passion is displaced from our relationship and SO IS MINE!

But Kenya K, screw him!  Why are you so concerned about pleasing him?  (Could it be because I want him to please me? – naaa) At least your passion is something that helps others, helps the family financially and does not violate the relationship.  Oh stop blubbering, life is fair girls.  Passion is Passion and Displacement is Displacement….

It’s time to grow up.  If I can do it, so can you.  I can’t sit and complain that his passion being dispersed to another woman is any different than my passion being uploaded onto my MAC.  My MAC is my man and that is the simple fact.  I am on a serious mission and I feel joy each day as I think of my next angle, my next sales tactic and blog post, he is on a serious mission too!  His joy each day is thinking of the next convincing point about opening our relationship, finding ways to create female friends and following through with expressing his passion.  What is the difference?

So how can I shame him for what he is doing?  Pity the fool who would refuse looking within to find the root to the situation.

I am no fool.  So action step number one is easy.  If I want him to shine his passion upon me, I have to glow my passion onto him.  (Not rocket science)  Is it possible?  Of course it is!  Is it easy?  Hell naw!  Not with all this anger.  But if I want a shift in him, I will have to shift my own folly.  Why?  He is my mirror!  He is not doing anything to me, I am creating for myself.  He is no more wrong than I am.  He can only reflect my being and accepting this is so much more empowering than blaming him for displaced passion.  (I know, you may not comprehend)

Let’s say I were to blame him for the entire situation.  Here’s how that might look: Negro, you have been married to me for 14 years!  I gave you my youth (that’s a typical line, right ladies?)  How the hell are you going to justify the fact that you can’t give me your undying love?  I work my arse off for you and this is what I get?  You are killing me man!  Can’t you see how unfair you are being?  Stop treating me bad!  Leave that tramp alone!  Give me your love or I’m leaving!  I don’t have to take this!

Ahhhhh.  So soothing to share the language of American Cultural Brainwashing, a failing philosophy – that someone must be blamed for our unhappiness when in fact the solution to personal dissatisfaction is ALWAYS within.  Law of Attraction.  (Oh you like Universal Law when it suits you but when it makes you 100% responsible for your own life, you hate it?  Pity.)

But he should meet you half way Kenya K.  Don’t let that negro off the hook.  What you are doing is far less hurtful than him.  LMAO!

From the standpoint of a Goddess, I will Change My Man (My Mirror) by focusing less of my passion on work and more of it on my loving, wonderful husband – you know the one who has always loved me, has never forced me to work (I have never held a real job), the one who stood my me through illness, personal drama and now this blatant lack of mindfulness of his needs.  The same man who expresses his undying love for me daily, even through the storm…  As difficult as this may sound, I know how to tip the scales in my favor.  It’s called BE THE CHANGE.  How about you?

Issue #2 – My husband gets upset with me when I don’t comply to his wishes (mostly for an open relationship).  He claims he is not upset, but he actually is and he runs to the cave to retreat from me in his anger.  He claims it’s not anger because he is not yelling at me.  LOL!  But he tallies my bad behavior on a little chart and holds all of it against me – I mean from years back!  He uses this tally pad to justify his anger and withdraw.  He uses this anger to justify his need for poly.

Ohhhhh, poor me, huh?  Kenya K how do you ‘put up’ with that man?  Why don’t you just go find someone who loves you better?  Maybe you don’t love yourself Kenya K…you need some hep girl.  LOL!

Get real ladies.  Teenagers blame the world for their problems.  Grown arse women, Goddesses, and Divas find the root to ill behaviors of men.  Step one is always ‘look within’.  In this way, we become author of our lives rather than subject.  And we become creators rather than created.  No one can create me sad, create me lonely, create me mad…I create my life!

So here is the mirror.

1. My husband gets angry with me.  I too get angry at him.
2. He gets mad at me when I don’t accept his feelings.  I too get angry at him because he won’t honor my feelings.
3. My husband harbors old anger in his mind and tallies my score.  I too harbor old anger and judge him based on it.
4. He brings up old stuff I did.  I bring up old shiznit all of the time!

So how do I get him to stop reflecting anger?  How does one get a mirror to stop reflecting 300 pounds of flesh?  Do we yell at the mirror or do we LOSE SOME DAMNED WEIGHT!  I have to lose the anger that I harbor in order to see my new reflection in him.

But that is not fair, is it?  He should do it first!  He should be the one to make me happy FIRST!  I am a diva!  He owes me!  I had his babies!  He needs to recognize!  I am his wife!  He needs to get with the program…

In Like Manner:

I had it first.  No it’s mine.  I’m telling.  You’re not my friend.  I hate you.  You can’t come back to my club house.  Give me my Barbie!  You are a cry baby!  I’m telling Mom.  Stop bossing me around!  It’s my turn.  Hump!

Childish. I am an evolved being.  I know so much better and I will show better.  I will weed out the remaining anger in me, I will redirect my passion back to him – shine it like sweet diamond juice into his beautiful, and worthy soul.  I want to see better so I will be better.

It’s just that simple.  And this is how to Change Your Man. But becoming an Avatar ain’t no sippin tea…is it?  But the rewards are sweet as honeydew…

Wish me luck!

Kenya K Stevens – CEO JujuMama LLC